Mr Nice Guy Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I'm confused about this girl I've been seeing for awhile and I'm not sure where its heading or what to do. We met online, things started to go really well and we can talk easily about anything without it being awkward. For the first 2 weeks we talked online on the dating site's chat feature so we talked whenever we caught each other online. During that time, she wasn't online much because she was sick and because of work. We had an amazing first date in the middle of the third week which resulted in us hugging at the end. The date was so good that I wanted to set up a second date for that weekend but she couldn't because she had plans. She couldn't do the next week either because she was going on holiday for a week. We kept in contact until her trip and I decided not to message her until she got back because I wanted her to enjoy her holiday. When she got back, we had a second date the week after and it ended with our first kiss. We were supposed to see each other today (Sunday), but she cancelled because she had a family dinner and couldn't do anything any other time this weekend. Now my problem which has left me confused. I'm hoping it's just me but I'm not sure if it's starting to get serious or if she's losing interest, based of the amount and frequency of contact we've had lately. We've kept contact, but I've had to initiate most almost all the time. When we started talking online, she would message first most of the time, but since I got her number, I've had to initiate contact. Conversations outside of when we see each other have also slowed: she was usually timely, but lately she's replied the next day or when I've sent a second message later (which is rare). She's not old fashioned in the sense of following the man's lead all the time. I know you don't have to message all the time and I don't sit by my phone waiting, but but I’ve always thought that contact once a day from either side was good. I’m not sure if its us reaching that kind of familiarity where each of us seeing each other is simple and flowing that she thinks that we don’t need to contact each day or if she's lost interest based on the amount of contact. I haven't messaged her today yet and I'm not sure if I will. She knows I like her from our dates and my level of contact and I hope it's just me confused but I want to protect myself and walk away if it isn't. Am I making a big deal over nothing?
picaso28 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Wow bro, my situation is very similar. Met online, date 1 great. Date 2 great but no kiss. She texts me saying pressure of it is killing me but is really up for date 3. Since then nothing. No response when I said let me know dates you are free for number 3 date. No initiation from here...she has been away but she sort of stopped texting before date 2 anyway. I have text her but only blunt response. All signs point to her losing interrest. I think its probably because I didn't kiss her number 2 date but no point analysing it. In short I would say both you and I are probably in the same situation. Afterall you text her because you like her and want to speak to her. If she has suddenly stopped it suggests lack of interest on her part. Personally I am going to call her monday and ask her out again. If get an excuse or a simple no then I'm moving on. At least I will no one way or the other. You should do them same mate. I know how you feel though, Its Frustrating when you seem to get on well during dates and she suddenly loses interest. Good luck!
Author Mr Nice Guy Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 With relationships I've had before like my last serious relationship its been simple and easy ie I like her, she likes me...we go out on dates together...there's no awkwardness...we can talk about anything...being intimate in public and private is easy and so on. With this girl, it was like this up until the days after the second date when it felt like contact just dropped off a bit even though I didn't do anything different. The connection we had on the second date was exactly the same as the first. We keep in contact but I've been the one messaging her first most of the time. I've been wary and cautious while being myself because I don't want her to get the wrong impression. We have had good conversations by text throughout. Since we're both passionate about art, we're always able to talk about that and she wants to see my take on a character she created. I always ask her how her days and she likes randomness so I've been bringing that in. From the kind of contact that we've had lately, I can't tell if things have progressed smoothly to the point that we're familiar and that she feels that we don't need to contact each other every day, or if she's losing interest. I'm just not sure where we are. It feels like we're heading towards a relationship based on how well our dates went and our contact generally. We haven't really been intimate as much yet though. I've just been confused based from our level of contact which has dropped since the second date last Wednesday and that I've been having to initiate conversation that something's not right. I hope she's just been too busy with her plans this weekend to message and nothing's actually wrong.
flopply hat Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 First thought she is seeing others and is not that fussed about you. You could hang around alittle longer to see where it goes but don't hold your hopes up.
LindaSmiley Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 She's losing interest or her interest have shifted. No woman who genuinely likes you will stay away for that long. I know after a date all think is "OMG what happens now?" - "I wonder when he'll call" - "I can't wait to go out again!" I suggest you call/text ask her to go out one last time. If she's "busy" then move on. Good luck, guys!
PogoStick Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Stop with the frequent messaging/chatting. Ask if she wants to meet again. If not then drop it. If you do meet, then be direct. Ask if she feels there is potential or if you're better being friends. If she's positive there then ask if she has the time and energy for a relationship. Just get to the point!
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 It sounds like you're behaving too much like a white knight. Just relax and have multiple girls in your life at one time. That way, you won't put too much emphasis on just one and start acting all pansy-ish.
creighton0123 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 It sounds like you're behaving too much like a white knight. Just relax and have multiple girls in your life at one time. That way, you won't put too much emphasis on just one and start acting all pansy-ish. This. I have been OLD a bit in the last eight years. In that time, I have always dated multiple people simultaneously when I was not in a relationship until one worked out. Here are my results: 1.2 year relationship from OLD. I ended it because of pretty substantial lie on his part. 11 month relationship meeting in person. I ended it because I wasn't feeling it. 4 month relationship from OLD. Mutually broke up. 2 year relationship meeting in person. He ended it because he was not feeling it. If you approach OLD as a one off (date one person at a time) it might take you a very long time to meet someone with a mutual interest. Treat it like you would meeting people in a bar or club. You wouldn't pick someone and hone in on them while they moved around the room, waiting for them to come back to you. You would have fun and talk to multiple people and see what happens as the night progresses.
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 The difference between the first and second date was the kiss. If the kiss didn't work for her, she's not going to put herself in a position for a repeat performance. That will end things like nothing else can.
Author Mr Nice Guy Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Thanks for your opinions. Well I found my answer today. While in class I sent her a message like I always do. After telling her about my day I asked about hers. When she replied, she told me that she decided last night to see someone else. I guess my gut feeling this weekend was right. I don't think it was the kiss. When we did it was as passionate as ever. So I don't know what it was. I'm disappointed and hurt that it didn't go further because i liked her, we had everything in common and she didn't give me that chance but that's how it goes. About multi dating, I generally don't do it because I want us to figure out if we're right for each other. I think that each person I date deserves that opportunity. If it doesn't seem like its going to happen, then I'm happy to part ways. It doesn't always work out because you can't make someone love you but I think each person should have that opportunity. I do see your point though.
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 What you thought of the kiss is irrelevant. What matters is what she thought of it. I've had guys wax poetic about how it was the best kiss they've ever had. (I get that a lot.) I in the meanwhile just wanted to retch. Nothing is more of an open and shut case than what she found to be a bad first kiss. Don't believe me? Go read any of the threads on here by women undecided about a guy after a date or two. Focus on the discussion and questions by female posters. Then look at how the decision gets made about whether to forge ahead. Sorry things didn't work out. It happens.
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