Are we both in this impossible love with each other or is it just me?

[LuvIsBlind]

I am going through a very confuse period. Hopefully some of you ladies can help answer my confusions & questions. I am deeply falling in love with a married woman and can't stop thinking of her. I had even change my life throughly and work even harder to improve myself just for her. She give me mix signals that makes me wonder does she likes me or not? My gut feeling quite sure is yes. But why is she recently she is totally ignoring me an avoiding me and being so cold?

 

I will elaborate more from here. I am holding a office job that is utterly bore but fill with high workloads stress & politics & constant change of staffs. I was pretty much feeling down n sick & tired everyday. Then one day i decided i want to quit the job as i got sick with the job(pay is low too)& also got into a quarrel with collegue. Due to the constant changing of staff, one day (4 months back) this married woman came and my life and mind change and i am still staying till now.

 

The first day she met me in work, we were shy and i felt she was scare of me maybe due to some false rumours that i can get angry easy and agitated at work. Since then we have develop great rapport n understandings and became very close. We sit beside each other at work and go back home together sometimes. We could talk any sensitive stuff even. We would tease, make fun of each other n flirts often. I find her a real happy fruit that spark happiness among our office & she is usually jovial & daring & funny. Not afraid to make faces, dirty or silly jokes. She became the reason my work life brighten up and i became much more happy and look forward to coming work now even though the work is bore.

 

She is married for 4 years and no kids. She always told me how she wish she can have a baby but till now still can't & how much she love to have kids. We are both from different religion and races (yes could be barrier). Age wise she is older than me in her early 30s while i am in my late 20s approaching 30 soon.

 

Here are all the hints/actions/word she does/say that makes me feel she really had feelings for me or trying to give me hopes. Regarding her marriage, She told me on stuff like how she wish she can turn back time and remain single. She will say she is sick of coming back from work and housework all the while n getting so tired with nobody helping her. Her husband does't help her much. Her body is very weak too often with illness. She once even jokingly say want me come her home and help her vacumm the floor as i does it often cleanly in office.

 

She also told me she hate most is marrying to relatives related. But she end up marrying her relative son through relatives matchmaking as she told me she got sick of all her past bf all cheating/getting jealous on her as she deny them sex. Yes she is really pretty and sexy thus maybe all the guys wanted to date her for that thinking that they could hit on her body. She ended up marrying her relative son as she say she jus wanted someone to love her(for who she is not the body) and giv her freedom and trust.

 

Often she would try to catch my attentions and ask me buy stuff nearby or do stuff for her or ask me question on work when i find it obvious she know what it is. Then sometimes she would really sit so close to me and shoulder touching my shoulder. I would notice she would take small peeps at me and listen my conversation with other collegues secretly. It happen twice she share her lunch in office with me when its a lot and ask me to jus share it directly with her same plate/packet when i wanted to take a bowl and scope it:laugh: separate as i was shy or afraid of rumours. We ending eat face to face close to each other like some lovers.

 

She would since make up very nicely everyday since the day in a company dinner she sat on my lap for a fun photo and ask if i miss her is it when i once text her i saw someone looking like her on the day she took medical absence cert(afew days after company dinner). Also when i commented she bundle her hair looks does't look nice like some old lady she then soon went rebond straight not long after and leave it flowing long straight down her back.

 

Her birthday is approaching and i knew she always been aiming for a particular handbag but is limited in her budget...so i then told her i can get for her on her birthday. At first she rejected me buying for her...saying she only ask her husband to buy all these but another oocasion i ask to buy for her again, she ask... normally normal friends wont go all the way to buy all these expensive stuff. I reply that i just wanted to thank her for making us all so happy and that she never know i be able to giv her something again on her next birthday. I told her i jus wish her happy and i be happy...nothing more. She was touch and finally accepted then i went prepared to get for her.

 

She is also a weird woman who doest like to or avoid drink plain water (only like sweet drinks but no diabetics), but when i show so much care & concern for her asking her to drink for her health reason she really drink it and show to me one day. Ever since she starting drinking abit. When i ask her how long she have not drink plain water before she saw me, she say 4 or 5 years since then. I dont thinks its a coincidence. Did she felt touch because of my concerns and do what i say?

 

Since she like sweet stuff i would often buy back to office hot sweet drinks for her and some sweet foods for her as she is a muslim and our workplace nearby doest have much store that have her food. I was afraid she would be hungry. Yes and everyday i would show alot of care and pure concern for her as i really secretly love her.

 

One of the day at work at noon she told me recently she have totally no mood and does't know why. she say the previous night dinner together with her husband after work, she did't really eat too. She bought the food but did't eat, only her husband ate. Then i showed concern for her and immediately volunteer to go buy her food nearby she accepted happily and eat it all up.

 

The strong blushing/happy smile and eye contact she gave me really i felt was so different from what she gave to others. I also really felt she would also blush alot around me and become really tense and shy. She is normally very daring and talkative. But especially when we are alone she get tense/shy and blush alot. Sometimes i feel she would get horny/excited and wanted to show me her assets by bending down while cleaning or watch me clean stuff. I do have a slim lean & atheltic body.

 

Recently she hint to me that she wanted to buy some stuff after work(i sense she wanted me to go together) and so i tag along and we went shop for almost 2 hrs. Her husband is working overtime back late. During the shopping time we talk alot and i told her one of the secret reasons why i am staying till now. Of which i once told her a month ago is a secret & jokingly say dont want to tell her. She smiled so happily i believe/sense she aldy knew what is the answer back then.

 

I ask her during the shopping walk, u really wanted to know one of the secret reason(which i dont want to say that time) why i am still staying till now? She nod her head & say yes excitedly. I took a deep breath, and finally blup out. That it was because i miss her & wanted to stay make her happy always. She giv a excited waa and i sense her blushing n tense again. I didt elaborate much- i miss you could mean miss as a gd friend or as a sister or love one... As i was scare to openly declare love for a married woman. I dont expect or want anything but just wanted to be honest and let her know what i feel and why i stayed rather than keep inside my heart.

 

Whenever she heard sayings i wanted to leave the workplace, i see her eyes turn red and seems like wanted to cry. Then she also would show same red eyes and sad breaking voice when she say someday i will find a girl i like & get married.

 

Here are stuff that makes me think she is closing door on me or don't likes me. She would always purposely talk about her husband & close stuff they would do together even those private stuff. Seems like spiking me or testing my response or closing door on me i really dont know. She would always ask collegues to recommend me some girlfriends too. She would always deny she had any feelings for me too in front of other collegues especially. She will say i am her brother. When i ask did she wanted me to stay, she kept saying for work reason and teamwork.

 

Then most importantly for these past few days, she been totally ignoring me or avoiding eye contact. It all came so suddenly. Its was all fine until few days back. She would be very cold to me unlike before and her tone is not very nice. She would totally avoid eye contact with me. When she have problems with her work she would avoid asking me too. She went relate to other collegue instead. I wanted to buy her foods/drinks too but she say no. She is fine happy and talkative with other collegues but when comes to me totally ignore. I ended up ignoring her back and she acted happy with all other collegue when i know she is not. Is so unaturally happy i feel. Jus not natural. I can sense it

 

It been going on for few days and i get really down n depress. I then went outside workplace and sit alone and chill alone many times which could amount to hours. Just didt feel like going back into office. Also her husband been picking her up always when he is free off work nowadays. Wonder is it her change of behaviour that make him cautious?

 

It got so depress i felt my desire to stay on with the same job is gone. I suddenly wanted to quit the job and find another again. And if leaving could help me forget about her & this impossible hopeless love and relieve us both of these confusion and emotional stress...i will do it.

 

What could be the reasons? What shd i do? Could it be she thought i am dating another girl? My collegue been joking i am rushing after work to date a girl who recently contacted me. Could she be angry over this? I dont think so . Is it her own mood swings? Or is it because i make her angry? Or is it because she thinks i dont like her?(i think my concerns for her is pretty obvious)

 

Or is it she jus been playing my feeling all the while? Or is it quarrel with husband due to me? I did not message her at night(to avoid suspicion from husband) after works nor had any intimate relation too. We do have some close flirting/teasing messages but nothing more. I know my limit and always am cautious.

 

But after all i said, nothing intimate have happen between us as we both know whats would be overboard. I dont expect anything in return but i just wish to know her honest real true feeling one day before i quit the job for my own progress. If not it will bug down inside my heart forever. I am afraid to ask her directly as she might be put her off or make it awkward for us.

 

Thank you ladies would appreciate ur views.

[LindaSmiley]

Remember this is a married woman. The fact that you kept flirting with each other is wrong on both parts. Unless she get's divorced I suggest you leave it alone. No matter how terrible her marriage is.. She is still committed to this man. If she cheats on him how could you trust her to be faithful to you? Not only that put yourself in her husbands shoes. Infidelity is a complete betrayal & it hurts both people! It's an issue that creates so much trauma. Would you be okay with that on your conscience?

The fact that she's ignoring could mean that she realized what she was doing was wrong & is trying to distance herself from you.

 

You should leave her alone. There are plenty of unmarried beautiful women out there. Don't mess with what is already taken.

 

good luck.

[MoreThanThat]

She is married. Move on until she is no longer married or at least separated.

[LuvIsBlind]

I knew and understand what most of you are going to say. Yeh and i understand that she is married that's why I have been cautious n not to call her or message her at nights. At times I would hide my feelings too.

 

I did have the same mindset to stay away from her until situation changes. But it's hard to control ur feelings. It's easier said than done. I get so heartbroken whenever i hear her mentioning her husband. But i have no intention to put her into trouble. Well no matter I like her or not or jus as a friend i will always show her my utmost care and concern.

 

What I really wish to know is from what I describe her behaviours and emotions in the main post, does she really have feelings for me? Or is she jus toying with me?

[veggirl]

Does it matter if she has feelings for you? Would you be interested in a woman who would step out on her marriage?!

 

You know what they say, if they will cheat with you they will cheat ON you. If she actually acted on any feelings for you, it'd show a lot about her character and you would be okay with that?!