Lost_Soul_86 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Hi Everyone, I have never in my life written in one of these forums but have been reading them for the past week now. Im 27 years old this year and my boyfriend (now ex) will be 31 this year. We have been together for 9 years and about 5 weeks ago my world came to a stand still- he broke up with me. Sure we had our arguments like any other couple do but they werent serious arguments. The last argument we had ended up in me calling him "shady" wich did not go down to well. I know he would never in his life cheat on me but i was angry and deep down i knew it would hurt him if i said it. Anyway the next day he proceeded to tell me that there was no spark there anymore, were both not happy with each other, he is sick of living his life for me etc etc. I even said it felt as if he would rather spend time with his mates than with me to which he replied well to be honest i would, im sick of coming home and walking on egg shells around you - we just dont work together. As you can imagine my heart is literally broken into a thousand little pieces, i have never experienced this type of pain before, he was my first true boyfriend i met him when i was only 17. As much as i hope and pray that he will turn around and say he made a mistake i know in my heart of hearts thats not going to happen. He messaged me a few nights ago to say that hes sorry for hurting me, i will find the person im supposed to be with, hes just realised now that person isnt him and that he will always love me. If he truely loved me he would want to fight for the last 9 years! I just dont know what to do with myself or where to go from here on in, we rented a house together, have a dog and a half built house i am just at a loss. I am doing the No contact thing and havent contacted him yet, he contacts me almost every friday but its things like "what do you want to do with the house" Its so hard as all my friends are engaged, married or extremly happy i actually dont have any single friends, im so sick of everyone saying "it takes time, you will get over it eventually" I just dont see how 2 people who love each other can go there seperate ways and moove on with life, especially when the other one dosent want to break up! I know i cant, i dont want anyone else and i dont think i will ever loose this empty and sad feeling. Its almost like hes having an early mid life crisis. I just dont know what to do. I went to the house knowing he wouldnt be home today to get some more of my things and i found a file that had all of our banking stuff in it and workings out of how much i have put into the house and how much he has. Is this really over? I just cant get my head around it and i would love for anyone else to share there experiences and to know that im not alone in this, i just cant seem to believe that after 9 years its over for good! I feel like an idiot posting to this forum but i just dont know where else to turn nobody i know knows what im going through as they havent been through it themselves, this is the most hardest and hurtfull thing ive ever had to deal with, it really does suck!
uniqwa Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 (edited) well.. chocolate snickers and bonbons... <3 Don't worry about that feeling.. Its an attachment a bond, you genuinely loved this person and he fell out of love.. You can't change the past. You can work on being a more productive you though, I'm going through the same ****, only we broke up in THEEE dumbest way imaginable, I honestly think that's why letting him go has been so difficult, I loved him. Had I broken up with him. I would have had the justification it was because I ended things.. Now that feeling of complete loss and as though you are never going to get back up.. Idk when that stops.. but so many people talk about finding love again.. It's a chance.. you take it and next time learn from this mistake.. Think of it as him giving you a lesson, now the next person you get with is going to have someone educated on how to act in situations " what not to do", he made you better for the next person that gets with you ^_^ BTW I know how you feel.. Almost all the people i know are in relationships as well.. What you do is.. YOU don't dwell on anything else. Hell I literally don't dwell on anything else ( I am sort of selfish in that aspect) your friends are just friends and no relationship is perfect.... Its sad but, NOW you have time to make yourself into a better person, and who knows he may come around and see the NEW YOU a changed person from who he left and want to start over. Then it will be up to you to decide wether or not you want him.. I advise you to just not dwell on anyone else except yourself. YOUR emotions, how you feel, take him into consideration as well. He most likely is not thinking about you, if he was he would not have acted so cruel towards you. Then you take the good and the bad and you use it as a tool. That way you don't get played again, you won't be someone's fool. BUT work on YOU.. Be who you want to be, and he may just see and come to the realization that he gave years because he felt something at one point in time he felt "love".. True love does not burn out like a candle. It's like the sun it stays shining. Edited April 14, 2013 by uniqwa
Author Lost_Soul_86 Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 Thanks for the advise Uniqwa, im hoping this gets easier! I will try and work on me, i am just a bit damaged and hurt right now. Your right he wont be thinking about me so why should i dwell on him? I hope everything works our for u too x x
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