INTJ Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Me and this guy were dating for 3 months but weren't exclusive as I was dating other guys and he other women. I wasn't sleeping with any of the other guys--just conversation and a few dates here and there. I was dating with the intention of marriage, which I was upfront about so I wanted to be careful in my choosing and didn't want to put all my eggs in one basket until he made his move and made it official. Long story short..he told me he darn near loved me. We conversed everyday, he introduced me to friends/family, we made future plans such as weekend get-a-ways (we've gone on 2) and going on a cruise to meet his best friend who lived in another state. He included me in his life and was consistent. but his ex popped back in the picture and now he was having a hard time deciding between us 2 because he can see being with her and me (marriage). I didn't give him an ultimatum or force him to choose. I chose for him and took myself out of the equation. I feel he needs to resolve his past before moving forward. I understand dating multiple women to decide the best candidate--but an ex changes the dynamic (history, feelings, etc). He told me he was hurt because I didn't give him the opportunity to choose and that he couldn't say he would have chosen her. I haven't contacted him in 3 days but I miss him like crazy. I miss our conversations, his smile, and being able to completely be myself with him. My pride just won't allow me to be a sideline or 2nd option. Should I have been patient and waited or did I do the right thing?
blindhope Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 (edited) I think you did the right thing. He may realize what he lost with you and there is something there, but you wouldn't be given a fair shot if he was caught up on ex. If it doesn't work with his ex, he'll be single and available again. But don't be the rebound he buries himself into to get over his ex. You won't have a fair shot and he wouldn't be giving the relationship the attention you would. It doesn't have to be over but I'd say it sound's like he hasn't moved on yet and isn't ready to be committed for another real relationship. Edited April 14, 2013 by blindhope 1
Author INTJ Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 Thanks so much for your advice. I completely agree and know what you've stated. Yet, sometimes we just need validation I guess. Feelings will sometimes make you 2nd guess what u know to be right. In the long run, I feel he wouldn't have respected me had I stayed a participant. She was absolutely okay with the scenario--at least that's what she led him to believe. What woman would possibly be okay with a man having more than one woman? Furthermore, what man would really respect a doormat who would accept any type of behavior from him? I did not want to set the precept going into a relationship that I would devalue myself in order to keep a man in my life. Yet, it still hurts......smh
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