Bonesz Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I have a close friend and I'm really concerned about her. She's into this guy that is NOT right for her at all. First of all, some people could argue that there's nothing wrong with this, but I think it's a little weird... He's a college professor in his 30's. She's barely turning 20 and she was in one of his classes. While she was in the class, he started flirting with her and hanging out with her outside of class and she fell for him. When she asked him if there was something going on between him, he said that he was too busy for a relationship and that maybe they would try it later, but... "no promises". Afterwards, he stopped talking to her altogether and only calls her or texts her when he wants sex. I think it's super obvious that this guy is just using her and I don't like it one bit. She doesn't like it either. She admits that she feels like she's being used, but she won't leave him! She says that she just keeps praying for a sign that everything will be ok or that she can't give up on him because she's already tried so hard to get him. She's always very hurt and miserable over this guy. Me and a few other friends have tried to talk to her and tell her how it is, but no matter what she doesn't want to break it off. Is there a way to get her to snap out of it? She's not happy at all, and all of her friends can't stand seeing her like this.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 You can't fix stupid. She's in zombie mode though, she's all emotions and no brains....she's just going to mope around thinking "brains brains brains" regardless of the obvious and rational, logical thinking....who needs that! she wants to believe he'll want something more and that there is something more to it and a lot of women can't leave without closure or the man making it clear, or just walking away....it's a slow process of emotionally getting over it and through it. She fell for him so she's screwed, many can't just simply walk away it'll mainly be up to him to drop her. The only thing you can do is support her through this, she's going to be wallowing in her sorrow and venting to you guys and you'll get frustrated but she'll keep making the same stupid mistakes, even after these long talks, she just won't "get it", it's not going to click for her....afterwards she'll be saying all this and that agreeing with everyone but that's more because she'll be hurt by then. You could also take her out back and "put her down"...but that might be a little drastic....otherwise it's like a storm, you'll just have to wait for it to pass.
ses Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 What a messy scenario. I'm really sorry for your friend. First and foremost, her former professor sounds creepy. Many universities have strict policies regulating relationships between bosses and their subordinates. Have you checked the formal policy at her school? The policies are there to protect the subordinate from being unduly exploited and influenced since there is an inequality within the power dynamic. Both individuals in this case may be consenting adults but most universities generally frown on it due to the imbalance of power. It sounds like the professor is using his position to exploit her. Since the attention is unwanted and could construe sexual harassment I would alert his superiors, including the department head. If he's not tenured he could lose his job. Most professors don't risk a relationship with their students due to the possibility of being office gossip and deleteriously affecting their career trajectory. Your friend needs to stay away from him. She may not learn until she's in too deep but talk to her. You can warn her of the consequences but some people are blind and unwilling to let go even when they're suffering. An addiction to this relationship is toxic but you can only do so much.
FitChick Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I think there is a guy like this on every campus.
Recommended Posts