delicious1970 Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Hi, I have never registered with such a forum before but I need people to please listen to my story and maybe you can help? thank you. Mt husband left me in May last year...he basically said I wasn't showing him enough love, took him for granted with money and said I loved the dog more than him.....he is right I didn't shoe him much affection in the last couple of yearsd of our marriage, there was little intimacy (he work ed nights & I worked full time during the day so you can imagine it was hard to have a proper sex life) in regards to money he earned so much more than me so he did pay for most things ie mortgage and most of the bills....anyway he has gone and we divorced very quickly and our marriage was over by december....since then all I have done is blame myself, I have so many regrets, I should have been more attentive and made more effort...I have tried writing to him...he read the letter and thanked me - he cried but said he can;t come back.... I feel so so sad as there was no affair, we hardly rowed, apart from the lack of intimacy we had a good marriage or so I thought...our marital home is now sold and I am waiting to exchange on my new house..he has not been back in the house since he left last May...he has left me to do all the packing on my own..he just walked away and left after 11 years...no kids involved.... I have tried ringing him, talking to him, I always end up in tears but he won't speak to me whilst I am so emotional...when I last spoke to him he said to give him space - that was 7 wks ago.... Can you help me please...do I give up on him? I know he still loves me but how can I make him see how sorry I am and how I am willing to change...I cry myself to sleep every night and cry as soon as I wake up - to be honest I don't want to wake up anymore...I just want my lovely husband back....any ideas please? at the end of my tether...thank you for reading...any advice gratefully accepted..x Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 I am so sorry for your feelings. Something as intimate as marriage deserves to be treated with the utmost of respect and decency - but if he really didn't cheat and just wanted out, nothing you can do...without kids involved he really can walk away. I hope you can find friends and support groups that can focus you on meeting the kind of people who will add to your life rather than detract from it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Welcome to LS One question to ask is what material work you have done on yourself to address the issues which precipitated your marital dissolution? Your marriage is now in the past and any new relationship you might cultivate with your former husband would be in the now, without respect to the past. What do you have in the now which might cause him to desire to get to know the new you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 I'm in the process of getting my ex back. She left me because of me. I've spent the last 14 months working on myself and proving to myself and her I've changed. I didn't beg or plead but let my actions show her I was serious. There were many set backs along the way but eventually she asked to try again. We do share a child though and were only engaged. The thing you have to do is stay strong and stay positive. You will have set backs but if you're serious about changing you won't let them stop you. I have no idea what you need to change but if you truly regret things you've done in the relationship and are owning up to them, then you owe it to yourself to become a better person. Own up to everything you've done wrong and get help where ever possible. I spent a year in counseling and read many books. Most importantly I practiced what I learned. I became a new me. Trust is a huge issue. Will he trust you? Only time and your actions will help. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author delicious1970 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 ...my husband left me in may last year AS HE SAID I DIDN'T LOVE HIM ENOUGH...we were together for 10 yrs and married for 6yrs... he wanted a quick divorce, and it was finalised in december....every single day i blame myself..if only i...what if i...i continue to live with these regrets a year on....i miss him so much..there is no-one else...i admit i didn't show him much affection in the last couple of years and took him for granted but i begged him for another chance so many times..the last time we spoke (again with me being emotional) he said to give him space - that was 7 wks ago...not heard anything from him...our marital home is in the process of being sold and i will be moving into my new home in a few wks....does anyone here think there is still hope we can get back together? anyone have a similar experience? i would do anything for a 2nd chance...i miss him so much...am now off work with depression and can't ever see me being happy again...... why can't i move on with me life?....i wrote him a letter pouring out what i felt and he rung me up crying to thank me but said it's too late and i have only myself to blame...please help thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Its NOT you that's flawed! Its him and he's projecting any and all of his own insecurites, failures, misery's, faults in life and in himself on you! You are co-dependent upon and to a NPD'er! You can't run fast enough. You can and will (Nor anyone else) ever be able to satisfy him, pacify him, make him happy. He thrives upon projecting his misery, inadequacies, short-comings upon and blaming others for them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 You can't run fast enough. You can and will (Nor anyone else) ever be able to satisfy him, pacify him, make him happy. He thrives upon projecting his misery, inadequacies, short-comings upon and blaming others for them. Yes. Well said and true. You didn't love him enough? That means his love was based on the way you made him feel about himself. That's who he loves. That's who he's true to. We're all capable of bettering ourselves and we shouldn't stop trying. IMO, people don't change; they grow. Some grow more understanding and patience, some grow more bitter and progressively more selfish. Others grow to realize their 'love' was only disguised manipulation. We are who we are and how we are for a reason. We choose what it is we wish to improve. Let him go. Focus on the things in your control. Let the rest go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Infnitysign Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Yes. Well said and true. You didn't love him enough? That means his love was based on the way you made him feel about himself. That's who he loves. That's who he's true to. We're all capable of bettering ourselves and we shouldn't stop trying. IMO, people don't change; they grow. Some grow more understanding and patience, some grow more bitter and progressively more selfish. Others grow to realize their 'love' was only disguised manipulation. We are who we are and how we are for a reason. We choose what it is we wish to improve. Let him go. Focus on the things in your control. Let the rest go. This is good stuff to try and remember and use in your daily life. Just try and focus on things you can control and you'd be amazed by what you can actually do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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