Bountyman Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I will try and keep it as short possible but i do believe i need to rant because what you are about do read goes beyond cruelty.. Straight to the point then!. I asked her to marry me everything was going well i thought you know i cold spend the rest of my life with this woman. She said yes to my relief as any man would. the following week i drove 5 hours yep 5 just to ask her mothers permission as i felt it was the right thing to do i was quizzed for 3 hours she was happy with me. When i left she said goodbye everything was fine. She then proceed to go awal for 72 hours!! then i got a pathetic apology saying i do want to marry you but not now. So i took a week off needed to think eventually i called her back the following week and thanked her for everything never even shouted believe me i wanted to take her to task but whats the point. Funny enough i got i'm sorry for having cold feet i just wanted to get married later not so soon. I asked her what she really wanted and she went awal again i mean what is going on this is not fair you know dating rules "all is fair in love and war" is fine but why do this if you say yes to marriage? Somebody needs to explain this ****!! cause i'm loosing my damn mind. thanks in advance Bountyman
january2011 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Sounds like she loves you, but she might be scared of what marrying you might mean for her. Could she not do a long engagement with a date set for a couple of years into the future?
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I agree with January. Getting married is a big step and can feel overwhelming. I understand that you're upset. That's to be expected. As someone who has been in her shoes, I would say that once you've been able to calm down a little, ask her what she means by, "not now" or "not this soon." Rather than putting her on the defensive, pressuring her, or coming across as belligerent or combative (which will be easy but counterproductive in this situation), take a step back and take a deep breath. Approach it as trying to understand her point of view. Good luck! 1
Author Bountyman Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 I did give her that option.. I'm still getting radio silence! its cruel its doesn't matter i very straight forward id prefer if she just said now.. when i spoke to her before this!! he mother and family don't even know she claims that she doesn't want to disappoint her mother because he mothers and family believe I'm good for her. So unless I'm missing something whats wrong??.. I think i should just leave her now send her a goodbye letter and shake it off! which might take a while.
january2011 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Hold on. She wants to marry you, just not now. And you want to send her a "goodbye letter"? Is there more to the story?
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I did give her that option.. I'm still getting radio silence! its cruel its doesn't matter i very straight forward id prefer if she just said now.. when i spoke to her before this!! he mother and family don't even know she claims that she doesn't want to disappoint her mother because he mothers and family believe I'm good for her. So unless I'm missing something whats wrong??.. I think i should just leave her now send her a goodbye letter and shake it off! which might take a while. Seems a little extreme to me. Why not send her a quick text or a brief note telling her to contact you when she feels ready to discuss her thoughts? No doubt she feels pressured in addition to being uncertain right now and may be trying to collect her thoughts. Did the proposal come out of the blue? Was this a surprise to her? Or was there some lead up and discussion about a shared life before the proposal came about? How we deal with the unexpected says a lot BTW. Please take this as constructive input rather than criticism. I understand that your ego is a little bruised right now, and you don't know what to think. That would be distressing to anyone. But to say "let's end the relationship" when someone asks for a little time on a life-altering change leaves me wondering if you are even ready for marriage and the many challenges you will have to face together when married. Will it be divorce when you don't get your way and are asked to compromise? Perhaps this forced "pause" is useful. Use it to reflect on how you will manage disagreements and not always being on the same page with a partner.
Author Bountyman Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 No more to the story.. I will not wait my whole life for one woman... shes had a week ive given her space to resolve it.. its not extreme you telling me you would wait??.. she does love me and i do love her unconditionally. No she told me she wants to get married you see. Ego is not bruised its shattered. No i dont want to end it but no contact at all leaves me no choice ive called her no answer her family talk to me and say she gets the messages and yet she will never call back. What else do you want me to do ive given her space no answer i gave her time no answer she got cold feet i never shouted was never angry i let it go. If she wont talk to me how else do i say goodbye?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 How long were you together before you proposed?
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