I really like him, but I'm afraid my family will never approve

[funnyface]

I started dating this guy at work about a month ago, but I've had a little crush on him for a while and we have been talking for months beforehand. The past few dates and weeks have just been absolutely amazing! He is wicked smart, very nerdy (like me), hilariously funny, kind, generous, VERY cute, and an absolute gentleman. We have a great connection - better than anyone I have ever dated before - and every date we have, I feel like could go on forever because we are constantly laughing and talking. He said he really only dates people when he knows he already like them, and told me that he thought I was "stunningly beautiful" from the moment he first saw me. I think he is amazing.

 

My problem is that my parents are very unhappy with this for 2 reasons - 1. I work with him, and 2. he is not the same religion as me or the same nationality. With regards to point #1, yes I am afraid of things not ending well and having to work together, but for right now, there is no policy against dating someone at work (we are both teachers, and we have teachers at our school who dated and even got married, no problem). We have agreed to take things very slow and act professionally while at work.

 

With regards to point #2, yes, my culture and my heritage is very important to me - my religion, even more so. However, I have never dated anyone who was outside of these specifications, and have never considered seriously dating someone who is outside of these realms, until him. I knew my family would not be happy about it, but I thought they would at least be somewhat understanding about it, considering how my last few relationships ended. But no.

 

I still live with my parents which makes it hard, but essentially, my mom will not even speak to me before I go out on a date with him. When I come home, they don't ask me anything about my date. I'm pretty sure they don't even know his name. He keeps asking to pick me up and I asked my parents if they would rather at least SEE this person I have started dating, and they were essentially disgusted and said they really have no interest in knowing who he is, whatsoever.

 

I really never planned for this to happen - it just did! How do I deal with this? I am in my mid twenties and old enough to make my own choices, but it makes me wonder what kind of future there could possibly be with this guy, if my parents will be so unhappy about it.

[edgygirl]

This happened with my aunt in the 60s. My grandmother stopped talking to her when she dated and ended up marrying a guy from another religion. Aunt was so traumatized that she couldn't even have children before the death of her mother. My mother intervened and thankfully after 2 years they started talking again, before grandmother's death.

 

I think most parents eventually realize that they have to accept the path their sons and daughters chose in life. It's can be a long, bumpy road though.

 

If I were you I would get some counseling to deal with this, must be really hard

 

Good luck!

[Noproblem]

It's sad how cultures and religions destroy lives and love

[ltjg45]

I wouldn't worry about what your parents think.

 

If you are happy, then that is all that matters.

 

Although, I couldn't help but to wonder but why are you still staying at your parent's house esp. if you are working as a teacher? I would think you would make enough income that you can get your own 1-bedroom apartment, at the least.

 

I know this much: When it comes to love, my parents have no say in this. Their opinions in the matter is worthless to me.

[ses]

I wouldn't worry about what your parents think.

 

If you are happy, then that is all that matters.

 

Although, I couldn't help but to wonder but why are you still staying at your parent's house esp. if you are working as a teacher? I would think you would make enough income that you can get your own 1-bedroom apartment, at the least.

 

I know this much: When it comes to love, my parents have no say in this. Their opinions in the matter is worthless to me.

 

She may be from a certain cultural and religious background where it's expected that the children stay home until marriage.

 

OP, I wish you the best. I understand it may be difficult to handle the familial pressures associated with dating across cultural and religious lines, but I sincerely believe love can succeed. I would advise to consider speaking with your parents, ask them of their concerns, and reassure them. They may worry you will lose (or your identity) will be usurped by this relationship. Regardless you have to focus on living your life and being happy with it.

[miss_jaclynrae]

You follow your heart.

 

 

 

 

 

My family was wary of my BF when we first started dating. I told myself for ONCE I wouldn't care about what others thought and I am SO happy I did.

 

 

That being said, I think you should definitely keep in mind that you DO work together and make sure that if this IS going to happen, you cover all your bases.

[FitChick]

My aunt was madly in love with a boy in college but her parents, who were Italian Catholic, disapproved of him because he was Dutch Protestant. He later became mayor of their small town, married and had a lovely, well respected family.

 

My aunt married an Italian guy who was technically Catholic but never went to church after the wedding and was a small time criminal. He got my aunt pregnant and abandoned her within the first year of the baby's birth. They eventually divorced, which is a sin if you are Catholic.

 

So much for religion or culture being a guarantee of happiness for anyone.

[funnyface]

My aunt was madly in love with a boy in college but her parents, who were Italian Catholic, disapproved of him because he was Dutch Protestant. He later became mayor of their small town, married and had a lovely, well respected family.

 

My aunt married an Italian guy who was technically Catholic but never went to church after the wedding and was a small time criminal. He got my aunt pregnant and abandoned her within the first year of the baby's birth. They eventually divorced, which is a sin if you are Catholic.

 

So much for religion or culture being a guarantee of happiness for anyone.

 

This reminds me a lot of what could have potentially happened with my last relationship (minus the getting married and abandoning my firstborn part). He was the same religion and same nationality as me. My parents never REALLY approve of anyone I date, but after a while, of course they grew to accept him because he was "cut from the same cloth," so to speak. He was uneducated, worked minimum wage, and made me feel guilty for having a masters degree and a better job than him. He drank, a lot, but I was sort of blind to it until towards the end of our relationship. He got attached very quickly, which caused ME to get attached very quickly, then literally stopped speaking to me because he was "depressed." Later, I found out he was seeing another girl behind my back.

 

After this experience, my mom especially kept saying how I need to find someone, "normal" and on the same level as me (education-wise, goal-wise, etc). I took that to mean that, just because a guy may be similar to me in background, does NOT make him a good person, and that they might be okay with me dating people outside my usual circle. Now I met this great guy, but they can't see that.

 

@ses Yes, its pretty much expected that I live at home until I get married. Honestly it has never really been an issue (until now).

 

@miss_jaclynrae I'm trying... but its easier said than done. I can't help thinking logically and wondering what the point of this might be, potentially long term... Just trying to take one day at a time.

[Aerrie]

I really like him, but I'm afraid my family will never approve

- answer: SO?

Damn silly religious and cultural prejudices.

Learn to stand up for yourself and make your own choices.

[CryForNoOne]

Ignore your parents. Just because they have closed minded views doesn't mean you need to inherit them. Everybody has flaws including parents we may love dearly...