Author SER Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 Yea, I already know it's not something that can happen again. I like your response creighton - so should I accept his invitation and go over as usual to his place tomorrow? I don't want to show up and spring this on him if he doesn't know what he did wrong. The other thing is, I'm not sure if he's being honest or if he's using the camping as an excuse because he had mentioned that he was going at some pointing the future. It's just that him texting me right after my friend called and he didn't answer... it seems fishy.
creighton0123 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 (edited) Why don't you want to go over to his place and have a mature and honest conversation about something you felt he did wrong? It seems fishy to you. That's why you need to have a conversation about it with him. If you did something wrong, but not devastating to the relationship, wouldn't you want him to talk to you about it? Edit: Things like this happen in relationships. They happen in even the best of relationships. Talking about them is what makes us so very... human. And vulnerable. And compassionate. And understanding. And adaptable. And, as long as it is done right, mutually beneficial. Edited April 14, 2013 by creighton0123 1
Author SER Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 Thanks creighton, I'll do just that. It does make me feel vulnerable, which is a feeling I hate the most. It's always been hard for me to talk about issues in a relationship for that reason, but I'll do my best.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 He couldn't let you know ahead of time that he was going away? His behaviour is shady. I don't buy the camping story, but I would speak to him and see what he has to say. Let him set his own trap, know what I mean? If he did go camping and never mentioned it to you...well, do you really want a guy who's like that?
creighton0123 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 He couldn't let you know ahead of time that he was going away? His behaviour is shady. I don't buy the camping story, but I would speak to him and see what he has to say. Let him set his own trap, know what I mean? If he did go camping and never mentioned it to you...well, do you really want a guy who's like that? I'd opt for being a little forgiving since it is a relatively new relationship, especially if they were operating under an unspoken assumption of daily or semi-daily contact. Can't really blame someone completely for doing something that was mutually discussed as a no-no prior to the problem occurring. All it would take is a simple conversation that states her preference. Something like "I like to talk for at least a few minutes every day unless otherwise specified, whether or not we see one another. Just let me know." to clear the air. If it is a repeat problem - especially now that summer is almost here - then I would suggest raising a flag.
Author SER Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 So he sent me some text messages yesterday morning and I didn't respond to any of them... he knew I was upset because he sent about one every hour or so on his drive back from his trip. I didn't want to reply because I knew I wasn't going to be nice, so I waited until I cooled down and we made plans for me to go over for our usual Sunday hangout, but I was pretty short with him. I went over to his apartment last night and he had made dinner, which was really sweet, but also awkward. I have a hard time talking about things, so I waited until after dinner and when we were in bed, I was able to suck it up and just talk to him. I told him that he'll learn that I'm really terrible at bringing up things but that I was really upset with him for not letting me know that he wouldn't be available for a few days. He said that he thought that might have been it and that he did mention that he was going but it was his fault for not clarifying when and also saying anything before he left. He sincerely apologized and said that he was very sorry for making me mad and that he only wants for me to ever be happy. Since we were on the topic of me being terrible at communicating, I also told him my process of getting upset so that if it does happen again, he can understand what's going on. He asked what he should do if he does mess up again and makes me mad, and I told him the things not to do that would make me more mad and he suggested some goofy things that might make me feel better, which made me feel better just talking about it. We joked around and had a really great conversation and he learned a lot about how I deal with things. He thanked me for telling him why I was upset and apologized a couple more times. He said that he never wants to screw up again because he hated me not being myself and didn't like being avoided (when I am usually very attentive) and missed my usual loving and caring attitude. I told him I've never really told any boyfriend all of this or communicated so well like I was, but that I really like him... and then he told me good, because he was very fond of me too. Thanks so much creighton for helping me out and giving me the extra guts to just grow up and talk about it with him; communication definitely helps a lot. I'm going to keep up being better at communicating and I think how we communicated and dealt with the problem brought us closer together. =)
Treasa Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Be careful. I still have a weird feeling about this. It's strange that he wouldn't say, "Ok, I'm leaving now, talk to you on Sunday," or whatever. I've had guys do the whole, "Oh, I could have sworn I had told you about this," thing, only to find out they were lying. It just seems strange that he never got your texts but was able to text you from the mountains. I don't know. Just be careful.
clia Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I agree with Treasa that you should be wary. After four months together, for him to go away for a weekend without telling you is really suspicious, no matter how lovey dovey he was to you when he got back. Something similar happened to me many years ago. It turned out that he was on his way out of the relationship. 2
Treasa Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I agree with Treasa that you should be wary. After four months together, for him to go away for a weekend without telling you is really suspicious, no matter how lovey dovey he was to you when he got back. Something similar happened to me many years ago. It turned out that he was on his way out of the relationship. Also, sometimes they're more lovey dovey and attentive because they know they did something wrong. Sometimes.
Author SER Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Yea, it is still strange. He said that he had sent other messages while camping, but didn't know if they even went through. He did take his sister's professional camera with him and was showing me all of the pictures off of the memory card - just 4 guys hanging out basically with some pictures of the mountains and the stars. He also had a sunburn on his neck, so I do believe that he actually went camping with that evidence. He knows very well that if it happens again that that's it, he's out - I made that clear when I was talking to him too. I used a couple of my exes as examples. I'm still going to be wary and keep my eye open for anything else suspicious, but again this is the first time this has happened, so I will only give him the benefit of the doubt this one time. So if it's all true, then it's good that we resolved it in a mature way (mostly), and if it actually turns out that he was being shady, it will show up again later and he'll be out of the picture quick. 1
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