SER Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 We've been dating nearly 4 months now and everything's been terrific. I went over on Wednesday before class an we had a great time - we even kissed awhile at the door because he didn't want me to leave. I left feeling pretty great! I was rushing to class and sent him a text saying I made it on time and he replied, and that's the last I've heard. I sent a text late on Thursday and he didn't respond. He always responds to texts in the morning if he doesn't catch it at night, but nothing. I figured, well maybe he just figured he answer at lunch or after work Friday. Still nothing. I sent him another text asking him a random question (my friend suggested texting something where he had to answer a question) about his tshirt size after work Friday. Nothing. This is unusual because we text throughout the day almost everyday we don't see eachother. So... Either there is a sequence of events keeping him from contacting me at all, or something is wrong. What do I do and should I be as worried as I'm trying not to be? I usually go over to his place on the weekend but we've made no plans.
Poppy fields Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I would send a, Hey dude, text if you are alive text. But, I am bold like that.
veggirl Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Call and tell him you're worried because you haven't heard from him in 2 days! Has he been active on FB and stuff? Have his friends heard from him/seen him? If you don't have reason to worry then I'd be pissed off.
soccerrprp Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I would wait for a response. If he doesn't respond by Monday, send him another one asking if everything is okay. The change in communication frequency and weekend time is something to be thinking about, but give it some time to see what happens before "panicking."
phineas Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Dating 4 months & no contact for 2 days? If that is unusual, sounds like you got dumped or his phone broke & he doesn't know where you live or work? Ok, sounds more like you got dumped. If it were me i'd CALL the woman & if she didn't pick up i'd say "what's the deal? Haven't heard from you in a few days" just so I can say I did the right thing before I considered myself single again. But, that is just me because 4 months isn't long enough for me to get attached to a woman. 1
Author SER Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Veg - Nope, nothing on Facebook and i was already Friends with his sisters before I started dating him, and they've not posted anything about him. I don't think I should be worried, I'm mostly upset. Soccer - isn't waiting until Monday too long? I want to know what's going on already... Phineas - Yea, I thought all that too. 4 months isn't long, but I really think we had something, though. I did my best not to get attached, but that changed in the last couple of weeks. He even asked what kind of body wash I used and bought it for his shower for when I go over. Not sure how big a deal that is though from a guy's standpoint. I might send him a text a la Poppy Fields, as that's not something out of the ordinary that I might even say. And if he answers back like nothing happened, I'm not sure what to say.
soccerrprp Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I kind of thought of that, but you've already emailed him that would have required some response. He hasn't. You also don't want to sound too clingy, desperate.
Treasa Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I really hope I'm wrong, but I have a bad gut feeling about this. I went to check your other threads, and this is the same guy who wants to go stay with a female friend for two weeks in another country, right? I don't know. If you're friends with his sister and she hasn't posted anything tragic, then... Ok, in your position I'd be pissed. And it doesn't surprise me that men are sometimes the most romantic right before a breakup. That's happened a few times to me as well. Since he has multiple ways of getting in touch with you, then I really think you should start emotionally detaching.
SmileFace Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Why haven't you picked up the phone and called? Unless I am missing a huge back story here. Why can't people just pick up the phone? I rather look a little desperate and have the person I am dating know I care enough to call. Plus I can't wait around for stuff like this. 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Not familiar with your back story, but here are the choices: DumpedPhone fell down the toilet or some such fiasco, and he hasn't had a chance to replace itUnconscious or dead It's almost always door#1. People have different break-up styles and conflict resolution skills. Unfortunately since he is dumping you, the dumper no longer really cares whether you approve of his behavior or way of doing things. He doesn't care that he's burning a bridge in this scenario because you no longer figure in his life. If Treasa is right, and he mentioned going to stay with another woman, I'd say it's over. He may have been more romantic recently out of guilt because he knew he no longer felt the way you did. No one likes to hurt another person's feelings. 1
Author SER Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Nyseto - I completely agree. At the same time, if by some very small chance I'm not dumped, I don't want to sound desperate (like soccer said). Treasa - so about that trip, he decided not to go and I'm not sure why. He decided that he would go camping instead. I haven't had much experience being dumped, so I wasn't aware that being romantic right before might be a thing. Smile - I'm not really into phone calls, and also, if I did call and he answered I don't know what to say. What the hell pops in mind, but I know I shouldn't say that. Well this sucks.
SmileFace Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 You say exactly what you are saying here Why haven't you contacted me? Oh... your phone isn't working... You could't borrow someone elses... send an email or something? Oh, no - you are dead... that explains.
outsidethebox Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Since when does someone who's not getting their texts returned called desperate to call and ask WTF is going on? But other question is, why are people so close they are stocking their showers with each others stuff considered desperate to call each other? And why aren't they calling each other instead of texting to start with? 1
Author SER Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Smile - thanks for making me giggle with that last bit. =) Outside - reading that makes me feel better that I won't sound desperate. I don't know about the calling - we don't call unless we're making a random plan (oh hey I'm in your area in a few minutes, you wanna hang out?) or if we're lost trying to find each other meeting up somewhere. Also, I'm super busy, so texting is mostly how I communicate anyway since I'm usually either at work or in class at night. Nyseto - I'm reassured then about the desperate thing. I'm just gonna ask him if everything's ok since I haven't heard from him in a couple days. I'll let you guys know how it turns out... 2
Author SER Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 Well I texted and nothing and I just tried giving him a call. His phone is off. I thought I might send him a Facebook message and Facebook said he was last active 2 days ago. I sent a text to his friend just to see if he's heard from him an he hasn't replied either. His friend works at the same place he does. So now I'm worried but it could still also be me being dumped. I'm tempted to drive by to check his apartment but if he's there I don't want to be a creep.
miss_jaclynrae Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 After 4 months of dating I would call and if he doesn't answer leave a voicemail jokingly asking if he is still alive. If he answers, asked him what happened and tell him you thought he was chopped up and in some ditch somewhere.
Treasa Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Since you're friends with his sister, could you call her?
GMG90 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I think what the majority are saying is pretty good, but I'll add my thoughts. Wednesday is now almost 4 days old and I'd be concerned by this point in time. Most people usually get back within the day or the next morning. I think what's even more strange is that there's no new activity on FB. But look, when I haven't heard from my boyfriend, I usually call him on private to see if he picks up. Now that is one way to find out if you're being ignored... It's either that or drive over to his place and look for him. The other thing I'd ask you is has this happened before?... because that's a red flag.
Author SER Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 I don't have his sister's number since I changed phones last year. Unfortunately. No, this hasn't happened before. My friend is going to come over and we're gonna drive by. I'll have her call him too to see if I'm blocked or something.
Author SER Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 Oh and still no response from his friend.
Author SER Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 Ok so. I told my friend to call to see of I was blocked. It rang an rang and went to voicemail. Immediately after, I get a text from him. "X mountains are beautiful. Plans tomorrow?" This place is about a 6 hour drive away. I didn't know he was going camping this weekend and I feel like he would've said something about him going and that his phone wouldn't be working. So my friend calls, he doesn't answer, knows we tested the block an he texts me? That's a possibility. If he's telling the truth, why didnt he tell me he was going this weekend...
Treasa Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 So...at BEST he is inconsiderate. Keep this in mind. This is the very best scenario. He just upped and left and didn't tell you for a few days, and didn't let you know, and made you worry. You should consider going to the "mountains" for a few days and rethink this relationship. 1
Author SER Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 My friend suggested not texting him back at all for a couple of days so that he can see how it feels. I kind injury want to reply an tell him how upset I was and how I felt/that I was worried. Thoughts?
Treasa Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I wouldn't do it with the intent of getting back at him, but you should probably take a few days to decide if this is the kind of behavior you want to tolerate.
creighton0123 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 My friend suggested not texting him back at all for a couple of days so that he can see how it feels. I kind injury want to reply an tell him how upset I was and how I felt/that I was worried. Thoughts? Really. Next time you see him, just have some honest communication. "I don't mind that you went camping and enjoy being with someone who does their own thing when they want to, but I felt a little disregarded since you didn't let me know. I enjoy talking to you once or twice every few days. Just let me know if you're going to be unavailable in the future and we'll consider this whole thing forgotten". Calm. Simple. Direct. Mature. Don't do it over text messages. As you have just experienced, sending random strings of letters into the void that is texting or email with no response makes you feel like crap, whether you're ignored by a friend, a significant other, or a family member.
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