waterwoman Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 DD is 14 on Thursday. Part of her present is a phone. I went with H to choose one for her. While he was there he queried a problem with his own contract- he was paying more than he should. Assistant looked it up and found the discrepancy was due to an increase in minutes H had asked for back in December 2011. That was just before the affair got serious - when I love you was said. So the increase was to cope with increasing texts between the two of them. I tried to forget it, all water under the bridge and all that... but I was miserable and snitty with H afterwards. He asked me what was wrong and I snapped at him. Later in the car I managed to tell him what had upset me. He stopped the car, gave me a hug and apologised again. I had a good sob and that was that! So damned simple!!! First time I have managed to be straightforward about a trigger and it worked. 5
Summer Breeze Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Good for you WW! And him too! That's a huge step and how good you must feel to have gotten it out in the open, had him respond so well, and know that was that afterwards. I'm really pleased for you WW. Keep up the good work! 2
OpenBook Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I'm impressed too. Not only that you gave it to him straight, but that he responded by loving on you instead of getting defensive or dismissive. He gets it! and he loves you!! Very positive signs. I am full of hope for your M. 3
Author waterwoman Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Thankyou both x I am not always good at saying what I need to say and neither is H. That leads to us tiptoeing around issues and getting frustrated.
leonine Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 DD is 14 on Thursday. Part of her present is a phone. I went with H to choose one for her. While he was there he queried a problem with his own contract- he was paying more than he should. Assistant looked it up and found the discrepancy was due to an increase in minutes H had asked for back in December 2011. That was just before the affair got serious - when I love you was said. So the increase was to cope with increasing texts between the two of them. I tried to forget it, all water under the bridge and all that... but I was miserable and snitty with H afterwards. He asked me what was wrong and I snapped at him. Later in the car I managed to tell him what had upset me. He stopped the car, gave me a hug and apologised again. I had a good sob and that was that! So damned simple!!! First time I have managed to be straightforward about a trigger and it worked. That's really great WW. It took a while for me to convince my BH to tell me when things bothered him. He thought it would be pointless and didn't want to make me feel bad again, but it was always obvious that something was bothering him and it hurt that he wouldn't share it with me. I'm a "rip the band-aid off" kinda girl, so I would much rather just get everything out and deal with it instead of letting things fester. Once I was able to get him to believe that, he started sharing his triggers with me. It's not like it's my favorite thing to talk about, but we work through it together, and that's a good thing. 3
BetrayedH Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Listen to Leonine. Your H's willingness to respond this way is a positive sign. Reluctance on his part would be a negative indicator. Look, your H has basically asked you to choke down a shi t sandwich. They taste like shi t. If he understands that you're going to vomit in his direction from time to time, you know you're in this together. And you shouldn't be trying to do this alone. 2
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