Woggle Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Some people really underestimate how much a genuinely good personality but bump a woman up a few notches with many men. I know some here refuse to believe that but it is true. 7
Kamille Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Is it true that you only attract people on your level in looks? I must be hot then! Sorry sorry! It's not even true. So many different types of guys hit on me. But yes, when someone who I really don't find attractive randomly hits on me, it gives me pause. That said, I'm left wondering, after reading your post, if you know how to "approach" the guys you find hot? Like, where do you meet guys and what do you do when you see or meet a guy you find attractive? Every time a guy I thought was hot hit on me, I had something to do with it. (Usually, well, just looking their way and or smiling and or walking up to talk to them).
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Some people really underestimate how much a genuinely good personality but bump a woman up a few notches with many men. I know some here refuse to believe that but it is true. She still needs to be attractive enough for men to even be open to see her in that way.
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Still, there is a certain physical attractiveness threshold that I can't go below. Below that threshold, a man won't be given a chance even if he is the smartest man in the world. And this is precisely why looks do matter, and I would argue, matter more than personality before you have met a person. Looks give you a reason to get to know someone better for dating. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 And this is precisely why looks do matter, and I would argue, matter more than personality before you have met a person. Looks give you a reason to get to know someone better for dating. Yep, I am honestly not even going to bother with getting to know a guy that I don't find at least cute. If he doesn't pass that threshold, we will never get past the talk about the weather.
Woggle Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 She still needs to be attractive enough for men to even be open to see her in that way. I think that is the case for everybody but looks are not the end all and be all. I cold have been married to a woman that literally looked better than most models but I turned her down and me rejecting her almost threw her into crisis mode. The sad thing is that she probably still thinks it was about looks when in reality she was just an awful person.
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Some people really underestimate how much a genuinely good personality but bump a woman up a few notches with many men. I know some here refuse to believe that but it is true. But are you going to get to know everyone's personality to decide before you decide to date them? No, the first filter is looks. It's easier. It's faster.
xxoo Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I must not be that great in looks if only average-below average men (some being non career-oriented also) hit on me. But it's also possible to have this man I'm looking for. 1) Great looking 2) All of those qualities you've mentioned 3) Career-oriented just like me Overall: awesome in looks, personality and ambition. Is this really asking too much? Sure, that's possible. But that guy has his pick of women. Why would he choose you? (Not being snarky--serious question) If he is as looks focused as you, he won't be satisfied with an average looking woman. 3
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Sure, that's possible. But that guy has his pick of women. Why would he choose you? (Not being snarky--serious question) If he is as looks focused as you, he won't be satisfied with an average looking woman. He would choose her if she offered the same things that he offered.
xxoo Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 But are you going to get to know everyone's personality to decide before you decide to date them? No, the first filter is looks. It's easier. It's faster. Not if you are dating in school, where you have a chance to get to know each other, build rapport, and develop chemistry.
xxoo Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 He would choose her if she offered the same things that he offered. I'm asking her if she does or doesn't.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 But are you going to get to know everyone's personality to decide before you decide to date them? No, the first filter is looks. It's easier. It's faster. To even have a shot at other filters, you need to pass the first one. Therefore looks ARE more important than personality. Even if people argue that looks are subjective, personality is actually much more subjective than looks. 2
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Not if you are dating in school, where you have a chance to get to know each other, build rapport, and develop chemistry. There are certainly times where one is, for lack of a better term, "forced" into getting to know people they wouldn't have otherwise gotten to know for dating purposes. But there is still a threshold for looks that doesn't go away. Women do tend to be more forgiving about it than men, though.
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 But that's an issue in this thread (and so many others) the OP isn't talking about finding someone she is attracted to, she wants the pinnacle! Merely being attractive, reasonably good looking isn't enough, she needs the model. No 4,5,6's for her! She wants to total ten!!!! Refer to below: My ideal man is a handsome looking (above average in looks)... 2) the poster isn't talking about being attracted, she wants to swoon at the looks-yet she wants a long term relationship. Errr: how will that model face help her if He gets into a disfiguring accident? When he is grey, bald and wrinkled? Cause though the first might not happen, the second sure will to some level! At that age, she will also be grey, bald, and wrinkled. You should keep in mind that she will age as well, so his relative attractiveness will match hers. And another reason finding someone who values his own looks: he will become old, gray, and wrinkled a lot later in life than many. And that effort is reflective of his personality. I'm not begrudging finding base attractiveness, I'm begrudging being unrealistic and valuing transient crap over every thing else for a relationship. Sadly, that's kind of a common demand here on LS, its shocking to see how unrealistic folk are. It's only as transient as you want to view it. I personally find that physical appearance reflects one's personality and is a reasonably good gauge of a person.
soccerrprp Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I can confidently say this: Every woman I've ever dated/married was at least attractive enough for ME and viewed very attractive to others. Were they more attractive than me? I think so, but I've been told by women that I'm handsome. So, I really don't know that answer to that question from personal experience. But, I have seen some really nice looking ladies that I thought were better looking than their men. Rarely the other way. Shoot, just answered the question....the answer to the question is NO.
anne1707 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 It's only as transient as you want to view it. I personally find that physical appearance reflects one's personality and is a reasonably good gauge of a person. Does that mean you see more physically attractive people as having a better personality than less attractive people? 1
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Does that mean you see more physically attractive people as having a better personality than less attractive people? I noticed you inserted the bolded word above. I said that it reflects their personality; nothing more. It can reflect both good and bad. For example, do you enjoy eating lots of junk food, fast food, or otherwise unhealthy food? Then you probably won't find someone who is "ripped" to be desirable...because his appearance reflects his eating habits or values when it comes to food.
anne1707 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I noticed you inserted the bolded word above. I said that it reflects their personality; nothing more. It can reflect both good and bad. For example, do you enjoy eating lots of junk food, fast food, or otherwise unhealthy food? Then you probably won't find someone who is "ripped" to be desirable...because his appearance reflects his eating habits or values when it comes to food. I inserted the word and asked the question because of the importance you place on looks. I just wanted to clarify whether you thought better looking people had better personalities. What you are talking about above is attitudes and values which is what I have placed more importance on over looks.
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 (edited) I inserted the word and asked the question because of the importance you place on looks. I just wanted to clarify whether you thought better looking people had better personalities. What you are talking about above is attitudes and values which is what I have placed more importance on over looks. Looks are important in two ways. First, they are a tangible manifestation of physical attractiveness that affects how we view as person sexually, as well as socially, i.e., keeping up with the Jones'. Second, they also serve as a tangible reflection of non-tangible traits, values, and ideals of a person. Looks are both a separate trait apart from non-tangibles as well as a reflection of those non-tangibles; not necessarily the whole personality, but aspects of that personality. Edited April 13, 2013 by USMCHokie
anne1707 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Second, they also serve as a tangible reflection of non-tangible traits, values, and ideals of a person. Looks are both a separate trait apart from non-tangibles as well as a reflection of those non-tangibles. This is where I am getting confused with your argument. To me, "looks" are about the face and the body as a whole. I doubt you would say somebody is a 8 or 9 if they have the body of Kelly Brook yet the face of Janet Street Porter (google her if need be!). Someone can be not a good looking person but still have the same values e.g. taking good care of themselves physically. Exercise and good diet will not make them look better in the face (other than looking healthy of course). You (general) therefore cannot use the face as an indication of values but you can use the overall appearence - do they look fit and healthy, do they look after themselves, make an effort, etc. 1
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Someone can be not a good looking person but still have the same values e.g. taking good care of themselves physically. Exercise and good diet will not make them look better in the face (other than looking healthy of course). You (general) therefore cannot use the face as an indication of values but you can use the overall appearence - do they look fit and healthy, do they look after themselves, make an effort, etc. Diet and exercise can have a greater effect on the face than you think. Assuming we don't delve into cosmetic surgery, the appearance of your teeth, hair, facial hair (for men), and skin are all reflective of your hygiene and grooming habits. How one takes care of himself can often be a reflection of how one takes care of his life (career, social life, etc.). Low body fat content will also slim the face and often provide a more aesthetically pleasing structure.
anne1707 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Diet and exercise can have a greater effect on the face than you think. Assuming we don't delve into cosmetic surgery, the appearance of your teeth, hair, facial hair (for men), and skin are all reflective of your hygiene and grooming habits. How one takes care of himself can often be a reflection of how one takes care of his life (career, social life, etc.). Low body fat content will also slim the face and often provide a more aesthetically pleasing structure. Which is exactly why I said other than looking healthy
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Which is exactly why I said other than looking healthy No, I think it also reflects values beyond looking healthy, but each person will have their own opinions on the conclusions they are willing to draw from a person's appearance.
anne1707 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Having the same values does not mean somebody is going to look great in the sense of looks being discussed here. Taking care of yourself through exercise etc will not make you "hot". You will look fit and healthy and the best you can be but it won't make your teeth straight, or fix your big nose, stop you going bald, sort out the little squint you have.........
xxoo Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I agree, there is a limit to how much diet and exercise can create beauty. If the op wants a partner with a very attractive face, the healthiest lifestyle can't create that without some major help from the gene pool 1
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