Sunshine87 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 There is this guy I met under strange circumstances. Let's call him "Alan". He was basically engaged to the girl that my ex cheated on me with and left me for. (Another story for another day). So both of our exes left us to be with themselves. After my ex left me, I was distraught so got in touch with him because I wanted to talk to someone who was going through the same thing. He was very supportive. Pls note that we have never seen each other in person because he lives in currently in a different country for the next few months, let's call the country "La la land". We have Skyped once and we have seen each other's pictures. But I will be visiting the country "La la land" soon for reasons unrelated to him. Along the way, we got really close. He would send me "goodnight" messages on the phone almost everyday, he gave me pet names, he was so so affectionate. He would tell me to focus on myself and not rush into dating ( anytime I told him about guys who liked me). The first time he saw my pictures, he said that I was beautiful. He would sometimes tell me "I miss you". He would call sometimes and we would talk and talk. I started to wonder if perhaps we were "more than platonic friends". I have a lot of male friends but none have behaved so affectionate and loving. One day, he told me he was going to see a friend and I replied "have fun". He went out of his way to reassure me ( even though I did not ask him) , that the girl he was going to see was engaged. When he got there, he sent me a message saying "my friend said I should say hello". That was sweet of him. He would send me "kiss" smileys all the time etc. Anyway, one day he........
Author Sunshine87 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Anyway one day, we were talking ( as usual). We got in touch every single day. We were talking and he said he was going to the cinema. I replied "okay have fun and enjoy your date". He said "thanks". I was surprised because in the past, he told me that he was not dating. We them went on to say "I'm "seeing" a couple of people". Later that night, he said stuff like "Try and be open-minded, don't compare any of the guys to your ex etc". That was certainly a turn around because weeks before he was saying the opposite. I.e telling me not to rush into dating and to focus on myself etc. I don't know why but I felt a bit sad. So I did something rash. I de ted him off my "blackberry messenger" contact list because I realised that i didn't want to get close to him if he only saw me a friend. He immediately sent me a text message saying that "It was unfair for me to delete me, one day you will realise that you overreacted etc". We got into an exchange of emails. I said to him that I didn't want to get too close to him because eventually he might decide to be serious with the person he is seeing and I didn't want to be too dependent on him at that point and that I wanted to give him space to pursue his other relationships out of respect for the girl. I said "many affairs start with friendships" so I wasn't going to stay too close to him, while he was with someone else". He said he wasnt in a relationship, he was only "seeing" a couple of people and he couldnt understand why we couldn't stay friends. He went on to ask " aren't you friends with guys who have girlfriends"? The point is, he got really upset and didn't want the distance. I wondered to myself "Does this guy really not understand what is going on here"? Anyway, We kind of "parted on amicable terms" but I didn't re-add him to my black Berry messenger. A few days later, he sent me an email saying he missed me and he would call. I replied that I missed him too and he called the next day...... A few days later he
Author Sunshine87 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 We didn't talk for a few days then I sent him an email saying hello. He sent a lengthy email and then sent his "BB pin". He basically wanted me to re- add him. I did. This was about 4 days ago. He said he missed me etc. We chatted but things haven't been the same. I also noticed that in the past 2 days, I have been the one initiating conversations. He has been very chatty but he doesn't send me "goodnight" messages and neither do I. I do understand that we have never seen in person etc but I just want to move on from this situation because I think I have formed a bit of an attachment to him. I don't want to go through anymore emotional issues. One day, he was calling pet names and saying a LOT of affectionate things, the next day he is telling me to be open-minded but is still clinging on to our "friendship". Why is our friendship so important to him???? I am supposed to visit the same country he currently resides in in 2 months and we were going to see each other ( we never expressly said so, but he would say things like " oh when you are around we will do xyz". ). But I realise that I need to protect myself and want to cut away from him. After all he has told me to be open minded to other people, so he probably doesn't want to date me or anything or probably met someone he really likes hence the change in his stance. I just don't know why he wants to stay friends so bad. What do I do? Delete him from my bbm or just leave him but avoid talking to him?
outsidethebox Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 So everyone on your contact list is single and not dating and subject to deletion if they go on a date? Seems rather harsh.
Author Sunshine87 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 No, not at all. The circumstances surrounding this " friendship" are different. We got very close and e would say thing that "platonic" friends do not say to each other. We spoke everyday. We grew very fond of each other. He would say things like "I care for you", "I will never abandon you". Guys, do you say these sort of things to platonic friends? I formed a bit of an attachment to him- ( I mean if you talk to someone everyday, if he tells you sweet things, if he shows you affection etc, there is a likelihood that the woman might start to develop feelings right?) ......and I don't want that attachment to grow! But it will if we remain "friends". Lol.
Author Sunshine87 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Thanks for your input, but I am not desperate. However your input was a wakeup call. Sometimes you need to hear these things. I am not desperate. I am just vulnerable. I find very few people attractive. Most of the attractive ones have bad characters. I went through a really bad breakup with someone I dated for over 3 years and the last thing I want now is any more heartache. Some people are just more sensitive than others. I wish someone would answer the question though lol. I am in the mid 20's.
Author Sunshine87 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 And I don't bother him at all. I wait for him to make contact before I do.. But for the past two days, I've been initiating contact. I won't anymore.
runningfar Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 You are desperate for real. grow up. can someone care and love uou in such a short time wake up. get a life.dammmmm. people use those words to get in your pants to. if you fall for anything every word you will be screw million times a week. If you are going to actively insult somebody merely asking for advice, perhaps you should make your posts seem as though they were written by a literate individual. It might give you more credence. Op: back off. You should not need to delete him to do so, but if you do, then do so. The circumstances in which you became close are not set to the best chances of a healthy attachment. He seems to be realizing the distance but does not want to let you go. It is fair when you want more from a friendship than can be offered to back away until you can emotionally handle communication. the other friends are not an issue because you do not wish for more, and that's where you need to be with this guy. I personally would not delete him because it seems that makes him work harder. I'm not ever a fan of unnecessary drama. Good luck.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Unfortunately you got more invested than he did and then ruined it with too much drama. I don't think it will ever go back to what it was but try to have better handle on your emotions.
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