Dudesmobile Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Question to only women. So tonight I asked my girlfriend how much she thinks I have improved since we met just to get a ballpark answer and she said 85%. How do I get that extra 25%? I mean I put in my effort 150% each day, we kiss and hug and everything (havn't had sex yet because shes making the moves). I work and make us money, I never ever ask for anything. We hangout every single day, call, and text. I never complain and try not to be to clingy. I always tell her shes beautiful, I bring her food when she wants me to, and I never force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. We are very honest with each other and I told her I would never leave her as long as she was 100% honest with me which she is. So how do I get the extra 25% in order to be 100% improved? I really want to make sure I'm the one for her and am doing everything possible. I remember EVERYTHING about her. Her favorite movies, snacks, foods, places to eat, places to go and everything like that. She does the same for me, but I want to be 100% improved. I am a normal guy who usually forgets small stuff occasionally but that hardly happens. We both really like each other a lot and I know shes totally into me. I just want to be 100% improved.
january2011 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I think you need to check your numbers again, as they don't quite add up. I'd also suggest that you ask her what would make you "100% improved" in her eyes and make sure that she understands what you are asking of her. 4
Maggotface Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Uhhh.. I've never had a guy ask that, I don't expect my boyfriends to "improve" to fit my standards over time to suit me. I don't want anyone to change for me and I don't see men's personalities as percentages, this whole question is kind of bizarre. If you two are really into each other then there's no reason to not stick it out but don't push yourself to be the perfect guy for her, it's near impossible to find someone who is totally 100% right for you because people change things you do now that she's fine with might bother her later on, you never know. If she cares a lot for you then she will most likely overlook things she sees as "flaws" little pet peeves dont matter as much when you care about someone. 1
adelia Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 No ones ever 100% by the sounds of it you're doing all the right things Question to only women. So tonight I asked my girlfriend how much she thinks I have improved since we met just to get a ballpark answer and she said 85%. How do I get that extra 25%? I mean I put in my effort 150% each day, we kiss and hug and everything (havn't had sex yet because shes making the moves). I work and make us money, I never ever ask for anything. We hangout every single day, call, and text. I never complain and try not to be to clingy. I always tell her shes beautiful, I bring her food when she wants me to, and I never force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. We are very honest with each other and I told her I would never leave her as long as she was 100% honest with me which she is. So how do I get the extra 25% in order to be 100% improved? I really want to make sure I'm the one for her and am doing everything possible. I remember EVERYTHING about her. Her favorite movies, snacks, foods, places to eat, places to go and everything like that. She does the same for me, but I want to be 100% improved. I am a normal guy who usually forgets small stuff occasionally but that hardly happens. We both really like each other a lot and I know shes totally into me. I just want to be 100% improved.
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 if she doesn't like you for who you are, she shouldn't be dating you. If my bf told me I had to improve I'd tell him to find someone else. This mentality promotes stagnation. If someone was content never improving themselves and their own lives, then what good are they to you...? They are merely a parasite. To answer the question, the key to improving your man is to improve yourself.
A O Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 if she doesn't like you for who you are, she shouldn't be dating you. If my bf told me I had to improve I'd tell him to find someone else. True to all this and that is why I find this disconcerting given that he's pushing for this. Whether its someone else or yourself pushing for improvement, it all comes across as not being entirely happy with the situation at hand. On top of that is the fact that he's trying too hard to please with no signs of reciprocal behavior being returned. In short - he's setting himself up for failure. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 This mentality promotes stagnation. If someone was content never improving themselves and their own lives, then what good are they to you...? They are merely a parasite. I agree, but also I don't get the idea of "improving the quality" of my man or anybody else. I think that's an individual's own business. 1
CarrieT Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I know shes totally into me. I can 100% guarantee that she is NOT totally into you. Or else she wouldn't ask you to change at all.... 2
outsidethebox Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 "...we met just to get a ballpark answer and she said 85%. How do I get that extra 25%" I don't know, by taking remedial math? 1
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I don't. Love my man "as is". Oftentimes, the desire for improving is a quality in itself. TBF, does your hubby work hard enough that he progresses towards promotions and advancement? Does he read and learn to his advance his intelligence and knowledge? Does he maintain a level of physical fitness as he ages? These are all improvements. I think we take for granted this desire to improve, where ambition and the desire to advance one's life is a quality that we admire about someone. You love him "as is" because he's naturally an improver. Him getting better is simply him "being him." You don't have to improve him because he improves himself. A lot of people aren't that motivated for themselves.
tbf Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Oftentimes, the desire for improving is a quality in itself. TBF, does your hubby work hard enough that he progresses towards promotions and advancement? Does he read and learn to his advance his intelligence and knowledge? Does he maintain a level of physical fitness as he ages? These are all improvements. I think we take for granted this desire to improve, where ambition and the desire to advance one's life is a quality that we admire about someone. You love him "as is" because he's naturally an improver. Him getting better is simply him "being him." You don't have to improve him because he improves himself. A lot of people aren't that motivated for themselves.This makes no sense. If people want an improver, then select one. Otherwise, leave your partner alone. 1
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 This makes no sense. I'm sorry you don't understand. I'll try to explain using less big words. "People are lazy."
Mr_Flay Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 What is improvement anyway? If I continuously strive to increase my limit of how much alcohol I can drink before I pass out, am I improving or ruining myself? 1
Vogeltron Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 It isn't about how she feels how much you have improved. It is about how much you think you have improved. What she says really shouldn't matter. You have to be yourself you can not look for happiness or judge yourself based on any other metric than how you feel about yourself. I am sure you care about your girlfriend but you have to be you. You can't be an appeaser trying to change to fit her needs. If you need to change it is because you feel it within yourself. Nobody should ever define you other than yourself. I am not saying take your GF for granted or anything else. If you set clear goals for yourself and you are asking her opinion than fine. But if you are asking her to remold you. You are a moron and it will end badly. This is the feminisation of America. Take charge draw the line in the sand. Say yea, I have screwed up on here and here if need be and say this is how I am going to fix it. Never ever let anyone else tell how to live your life. Take their opinions including mine in stride and and develop your own plan to get where you want to be in life.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Question to only women. So tonight I asked my girlfriend how much she thinks I have improved since we met just to get a ballpark answer and she said 85%. How do I get that extra 25%? I mean I put in my effort 150% each day, we kiss and hug and everything (havn't had sex yet because shes making the moves). I work and make us money, I never ever ask for anything. We hangout every single day, call, and text. I never complain and try not to be to clingy. I always tell her shes beautiful, I bring her food when she wants me to, and I never force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. We are very honest with each other and I told her I would never leave her as long as she was 100% honest with me which she is. So how do I get the extra 25% in order to be 100% improved? I really want to make sure I'm the one for her and am doing everything possible. I remember EVERYTHING about her. Her favorite movies, snacks, foods, places to eat, places to go and everything like that. She does the same for me, but I want to be 100% improved. I am a normal guy who usually forgets small stuff occasionally but that hardly happens. We both really like each other a lot and I know shes totally into me. I just want to be 100% improved. I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. There is an old saying about hanging onto things too tightly. Even if you play it cool on the outside, doesn't mean you aren't holding on just a little too tightly. Eventually, holding on that tight is either going to get exhausting for you or you are going to squeeze the life out of your relationship. I get wanting to be a person who improves as they move forward in their life. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a better person or better boyfriend. But, there is a point when you can focus too much on that too. I'd suggest you be who you want to be, treat your girlfriend by the code you want to live by, but create a little more balance in your life by forgetting abritrary percentages. You seem to have this fear about her leaving one day. Perhaps this happened to you in another part of your life with another girlfriend or even a parent. But you can only control so much and you don't want make yourself crazy controlling too much. If for some reason, one day your present girlfriend does leave (and I am not saying she will), you will be okay. You will work past the pain and you will find someone else. Take a deep breath and let things go just a little bit. Be you. And being you sounds like being a very caring man. Just don't wear yourself out by trying to reach impossible standards.
veggirl Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 What has your gf done to improve for you? Your post makes it sound like you put in all the effort to do things for her/her way. Does she reciprocate? tbh you sound rather desperate and needy, I'm sure she picks up on that. I imagine her requests of you will start veering towards demanding and outlandish since she knows you are desperate to please her. Where is your self-confidence? You want to improve so your gf will keep liking you? Weird. Does she complain about how you are/were? 1
man_in_the_box Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Maybe you could improve by not being such a walkover and slave to her whims 100% of the time. Agreed, doormats usually end up sexually frustrated, dumped, miserable and with shattered self-esteem.
tbf Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I'm sorry you don't understand. I'll try to explain using less big words. "People are lazy."If people want an improver, they find improvers. If the improver stops improving, they get dumped. You do realize that getting with a fixer-upper who expects you to shoulder the responsibility of their improvement schedule is a recipe for relationship disaster?
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