sweet_pea Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I was reading another thread in the OW section and a part of a post by an OW caught my eye. Basically it stated that since the MM sought comfort/etc from the OW during the affair and she gave it to him, he owes it to her to comfort her come D-day. Do you all agree or disagree with this notion?
TiredFamilyGuy Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Stupid stupid idea. The debtor in an affair is the BS. The OW may feel owed... That's just whining. 5
BetrayedH Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Did the two partners have a marital agreement? If so, then yes, loyalty is owed. 5
Author sweet_pea Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Did the two partners have a marital agreement? If so, then yes, loyalty is owed. In the example she shared, it was a MM and an OW
Furious Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I was reading another thread in the OW section and a part of a post by an OW caught my eye. Basically it stated that since the MM sought comfort/etc from the OW during the affair and she gave it to him, he owes it to her to comfort her come D-day. Do you all agree or disagree with this notion? It makes sense in a warped way, selfish people in affairs are only concerned about their own hurt and not the hurt they cause to others. Kind of like the crook who needs to be comforted when his stuff is stolen. 7
BetrayedH Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 In the example she shared, it was a MM and an OW Apologies. It was an attempt at sarcasm that clearly missed the mark. Too many OW don't believe common decency is owed to a BS so I'm not sure why they think it's owed to them. 9
Author sweet_pea Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Apologies. It was an attempt at sarcasm that clearly missed the mark. Too many OW don't believe common decency is owed to a BS so I'm not sure why they think it's owed to them. Ha, no problem! I've been out of it for a while. But yes, agreed
BetrayedH Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Kind of like the crook who needs to be comforted when his stuff is stolen. I was thinking the same thing, "Hey, you took the cookie that I rightfully stole!" 6
Author sweet_pea Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 *Out of it as in not having had enough sleep, so any sarcasm flys over my head 2
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I was reading another thread in the OW section and a part of a post by an OW caught my eye. Basically it stated that since the MM sought comfort/etc from the OW during the affair and she gave it to him, he owes it to her to comfort her come D-day. Do you all agree or disagree with this notion? D-day usually means the A is over. To hope or expect the MM or MW to comfort the AP is setting oneself up for a big fall. Neither owe each other anything once there's a D-day. When a regular relationship ends, one breaks up with the other, it's kind of odd to think that the person who ended the R should be there to comfort you. (general you), so same goes with affair partners when their A ends, or if there's a d-day. 5
krazikat Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I was reading another thread in the OW section and a part of a post by an OW caught my eye. Basically it stated that since the MM sought comfort/etc from the OW during the affair and she gave it to him, he owes it to her to comfort her come D-day. Do you all agree or disagree with this notion? Wait...one more time If I just could say what is burning at my typing fingertips right now...but it would be deleted. Heck, some mild comments of mine have been deleted so, instead.... No. Absolutely not if mm wants to stay in the marriage, all contact must stop. And in most cases, the ones being where AP knew they were involving themselves with a married man, they get what they get. If I found out my husband was comforting xap I would show him the door. he almost got the door as it was. I do have sympathy for some ow/Om and lies they were told...but this doesn't earn them comfort status from the mm. As my who AP said "I was so stupid. I feel so stupid. Its my fault, I knew he was married..." 5
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 (edited) Sorry. Maybe he doesn't owe me anything but he does owe an apology to my husband (who he pretended to be friends with) and to my kids (who have full knowledge of the affair whereas his children do not because they were too young) - and he was my sons Sunday school teacher for a summer - so yeah, I think he needs to face them - he ran. He needs to face my husband and my son - he is a coward because he has not. Edited April 13, 2013 by lilmisscantbewrong 1
seren Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 On and after D Day, my H busied himself with comforting me and had neither the time, energy or inclination to want to offer the OW anything. As to whether he owed her anything, well, that would be for him to decide and as he was just glad to be out of it all, I don't think owing her anything was at the forefront of his mind, he was too engrossed in trying to show me how much he wanted to stay. Were I OW, the last thing I would want from D Day was some half arsed support, if I had been dumped then I would want to be as far away from the dumper as possible. TBH, it places far more importance on what the A meant to the WS than perhaps was thought. But I can understand how some AP's feel they should be let down gently, shame that during the A the same consideration isn't given to the BS. 5
underwater2010 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Nope. Not at all. Closure is delivered along with the end of the relationship. You get the answers needed when the MM/MW makes their choice. 2
Lostinlife4now Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I was reading another thread in the OW section and a part of a post by an OW caught my eye. Basically it stated that since the MM sought comfort/etc from the OW during the affair and she gave it to him, he owes it to her to comfort her come D-day. Do you all agree or disagree with this notion? Yes, I am OWED! MONEY...lots of it! He makes 3 million a year, and if wasn't for me for 7 years making and stroking yoking his ego he wouldn't be where he is today. (HIS WORDS). So yeah, I'd like a big payday! Just being honest!!!!!
Decorative Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Yes, I am OWED! MONEY...lots of it! He makes 3 million a year, and if wasn't for me for 7 years making and stroking yoking his ego he wouldn't be where he is today. (HIS WORDS). So yeah, I'd like a big payday! Just being honest!!!!! You can't base your honesty on the words of a known liar.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Then I guess the ow owes me and my kids an apology, that is never going to happen because she is a coward. In what way is he suppose to console you? For how long should he console you, one conversation, a week, a month? The only person owed consideration is the bs. He doesn't owe me anything - reread - I didn't say that. I did face his spouse - twice - and apologized. He pretended to be my husband's friend (one of his "best" friends as he put it) and inserted himself into the lives of my kids who felt majorly betrayed by him. His kids didn't have to live with the nightmare of the knowledge - mine did. IMHO, he owed them - especially my husband.
Decorative Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 He doesn't owe me anything - reread - I didn't say that. I did face his spouse - twice - and apologized. He pretended to be my husband's friend (one of his "best" friends as he put it) and inserted himself into the lives of my kids who felt majorly betrayed by him. His kids didn't have to live with the nightmare of the knowledge - mine did. IMHO, he owed them - especially my husband. Did he know your husband prior to you getting involved with him?
Lostinlife4now Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 You can't base your honesty on the words of a known liar. True Decorative! But I knew him before the A, during and after...And yes, I took him from the curb to the top of the ladder. Saw it with my own eyes!!! He is a different man today because of me! So now its....TIME TO PAY UP!!!!!!!
Lostinlife4now Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 (edited) True Decorative! But I knew him before the A, during and after...And yes, I took him from the curb to the top of the ladder. Saw it with my own eyes!!! He is a different man today because of me! So now its....TIME TO PAY UP!!!!!!! And his pay scale is public knowledge! Edited April 13, 2013 by Lostinlife4now wanted to add
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Did he know your husband prior to you getting involved with him? Yes! We are all from the same hometown, went to the same church, he taught my sons Sunday school class, we vacationed together, hung out at each others houses, went to dinner together. Absolutely - if you read some of my others posts you will see that as well. The last memory my brother has of him was at our house for a party 5 days before the second d day (mind you his wife found out about us 4 months prior and didn't want us to tell anyone - not even my husband) and my XMM was in my husbands tv room with the remote acting as if it was. My brother thought it was quite bold of him. Yep - they knew each other well.
BetrayedH Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Yes, I am OWED! MONEY...lots of it! He makes 3 million a year, and if wasn't for me for 7 years making and stroking yoking his ego he wouldn't be where he is today. (HIS WORDS). So yeah, I'd like a big payday! Just being honest!!!!! Probably should have asked him to leave it on the nightstand. After 7 years, you might have made some decent cash. 7
krazikat Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Sorry. Maybe he doesn't owe me anything but he does owe an apology to my husband (who he pretended to be friends with) and to my kids (who have full knowledge of the affair whereas his children do not because they were too young) - and he was my sons Sunday school teacher for a summer - so yeah, I think he needs to face them - he ran. He needs to face my husband and my son - he is a coward because he has not. If your husband was a friend of his, then I would agree somewhat that he owes an apology to him as his friend for the betrayal of said friend as would be appropriate anytime a friend does another friend wrong....If a friend of mine effed my h i would expect an apology but at the same time, i am not sure I would want anything to do with that person anymore even for an apology. It could be a dangerous situation. As for your son, as a bs I wouldnt want the ap anywhere near my kids at all. Maybe your husband feels differently, but You are the one who needs to apologize to your son. You made the decision to cheat on your h and ultimately your family, you get clean up duty. This may sound cold, but you did this. Own it. He is not blameless but dragging it out for an apology session from him is not your right to demand....if your bs wants that, then it is his right, but not yours. And ya, its pretty sick that you had an affair with your kids sunday school teacher. 3
Lostinlife4now Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Probably should have asked him to leave it on the nightstand. After 7 years, you might have made some decent cash. SO TRUE...BH......His giving me cash was like $60 bucks. And he when he opened his wallet moths flew out. CHEAP MFer. AND HE is LOADED!!! Yes I was thankful for the cash...But 60 bucks....Yes I am a cheap hooker!!!! LOL.....
Lostinlife4now Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 SO TRUE...BH......His giving me cash was like $60 bucks. And he when he opened his wallet moths flew out. CHEAP MFer. AND HE is LOADED!!! Yes I was thankful for the cash...But 60 bucks....Yes I am a cheap hooker!!!! LOL..... Can I say the word.... BLACKMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!! God I could write a book!
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