Phoebus Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 My girlfriend is a very very shy and introverted girl. It was hard to woo her but I was persistent and patient and we have been together for 2 and half years. She is very loving to me, gives me everything and has fought hard throughout our relationship to treat me the best that she can. I, on the other hand, after getting her didn't act like the Prince Charming I was originally. I have acted more like an ass in general and i think my behavior has been verbally abusive within the past 6 months. We have been Long Distance for the past 10 months and it's been hard for us. We started to argue a lot due to my insecurity and inexperience with this type of relationship. I have been drunk and said means things to her and done it 3 times now. I said some really horrible things and I have put her down a lot. Finally in this last time we started raging at each other and I called her a cunt while I was drunk over the phone. After that we didn't speak. She sent me a package with all of these nice things she was putting together for me and basically said goodbye that she couldn't be what I wanted her to be. (I have been very picky and demanded a lot) I tried to apologize, she said she wanted to break up but I persuaded her otherwise and we stayed together, but I pushed for her to be happy again and get over that I called her a cunt. This made her more angry and she stopped talking to me altogther. She said she couldn't look at me the same way and couldn't trust me and evry time she has let me back in I have said means thing to her and i keep doing it ver and over again. So I said maybe I should talk to other girls, THEN SHE GOT ANGRY??? She got hurt and sad upset that I suggested it then said even though she was saying it to help me "move on" she still had feelings. She stopped talking to me was really cold, she said if I wanted her to be my girlfriend she needed time and to make that decision on her own (she is in the last part of her master program amidst a great project for social work and under a lot of stress). I asked her multiple times if she wanted to break up with me. I even said that this time if she wanted to do that I would be understanding, just let me know I think I can change and want to be with her, but if she wants to break up I understand. She has told me that I am NOT her back up plan, she is NOT dating other guys, and NOT talking to other guys and that she isnt a whore like 'I think she is" she just can't talk to me now, especially now and I need to "focus on graduation. which is coming at the end of this month. I waited couple of weeks and said again, "Can we talk? If you want to break up with me just say so please, I have used this time to reflect and I want to be with you love you and think I can change to work it out between us but if you want to break up I will understand, I just think we should talk to workt things outs or get some resolutio between us " She said, "Im glad you are well. We do need to talk, but now is not the time" ?????? WTF? Why won't she break up with me? I'm giving her the most easy way out.
aburd123 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I have to admit this is a hard one to post on. I'm not going to say that I have the answer for this, but I can sometimes be taht girl so i hope that I can cast some insight on what your feeling. Here are a few options I am thinking: 1. You've hurt her by the way that you've changed and she's not sure that's the person she fell in love with or wants to be with anymore. She may be really confused and really hurt and care too much for you to really tell you that you hurt her. She could be afraid to tell you because she doesn't know how and doesn't want to lose you. 2. She really could be confused. Maybe when you first met, you were exactly what she wanted to be, and maybe you still are but she hasn't found a way to see past the "changes" that have taken place int he relationship. Maybe the distance is bothering her. She's allowing her mind to wander and tell her that the distance is not a good thing. 3. Maybe she wants to ask you to move closer, or is considering a move closer to you for purposes of staying together but doesn't want you to feel that she's doing it for you even though she may be. 4. Perhaps she really does want to break up but she's not sure that is the right thing to do. Maybe she's scared to break up thinking you may never talk to her again or never take her back and that's not something she wants to deal with. I hope that this has helped you in away. I'm sorry that I am not her and can't help you in any other way. I hope that this all works out soon. it's not fair , even though it may take her some time, for her to keep you on a string like this. She really should make up her mind and decide sooner or later or at least tell you she isn't sure... I would suggest, as hard as it is, refraining from calling or texting for awhile, maybe a week or two or more, and see if she calls or texts you at all. If she really does like you but doesn't know what to do, there will be a part of her that longs to be with you and will contact you sooner or later. Good luck
justwhoiam Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I have acted more like an ass in general and i think my behavior has been verbally abusive within the past 6 months. We have been Long Distance for the past 10 months and it's been hard for us. We started to argue a lot due to my insecurity and inexperience with this type of relationship. I have been drunk and said means things to her and done it 3 times now. I said some really horrible things and I have put her down a lot. Finally in this last time we started raging at each other and I called her a cunt while I was drunk over the phone. ... I tried to apologize ... I said maybe I should talk to other girls ... Why won't she break up with me? I'm giving her the most easy way out. Are you developing a problem with alcohol? I think you are. Stop drinking altogether. I don't think you will be able to have any meaningful relationship if you go on drinking and getting drunk like that. You're wasting your life. Get back on track and be in control of what you say and think. Your first step was being able to acknowledge that you've been acting like a jerk and more than that. It's unacceptable.
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