JoL Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 If a boyfriend said to you in the begining of your relationship "don't tell me anything about your past relationships, ex's, their names or any details" But one of your ex-boyfriends, who was also your first boyfriend (years ago), is a very distant aquaintance that other friends of yours still associated with would you tell your current bf/gf that you dated this person? This is someone that the boyfriend may never even meet, as the ex isn't someone you communicate with on any level at all ever, except when you, once a year perhaps see him at a social event and say hi... But the boyfriend knows OF the ex as just a random guy who i went to school with as the ex still associates with other friends of yours.... The boyfriend also brought this person up in context to another one of your friends and you didn't mention he was an ex or anything, you just talked about him as in terms of an aquaintance of a friend. Would you bring it up and tell the boyfriend if the topic ever came up again, even though he has said he doesnt wish to know details about ex's in any way? is it deceptive for the boyfriend to not know you dated this person a long time ago when they know of the person?
uriel Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Let's not make this unnecessarily complicated. Tell your bf that you know he doesn't want details, but you think he should know -- so everything's above board -- that one of your exes still hangs around your friends. Don't mention a name or give other details. Let him know that's not a problem; you don't do anything together with the ex, but he might hear about it. Then, drop it. -- uriel
magda Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 At this point it doesn't really seem like it matters. Why tell him? It's not like he's any more than an acquaintance. I'd say that if he wants to be good buddies with the guy, you should mention it, but otherwise there's no point.
Wellnowuknow Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 What if someone wrote their post in third person and then someone else came to read it but couldn't understand a damn thing! what then?
Author JoL Posted September 16, 2004 Author Posted September 16, 2004 im sorry ill explain the situation a little better... Im in my early 20's now, the guy i dated with a was a high school relationship when i was like 15/16!! My boyfriend has never asked me specific questions about people i dated before him, we've been together about a year and he has always said he DOES NOTwant to know details about my past relationships (unless he asks.). so im afraid that if i DO tell him he'll just be upset at why i told him something he didnt want to know. He has had an erm..interesting past (lets say he's had more than a few partners..)...and i dont know any details about any of those girls, although ive told him to tell me because im interested, he said he doesnt want to, because then he will want to know about my past and he wont be able to deal with it in his mind (thats his logic). so theoretically, i could have met girls he knows that he has slept with and not know it... He has never met this guy, never will probably. Basically, he has told me he'd rather not know anything because he can't deal with it in his mind about my past. this ex (i dont even think of him in that way it was so long ago!) just happens to like one of my aquaintances/friends and happens to have moved in next door to this aquaintance. ive made jokes about this situation before in front of my boyfriend. None of my friends hang out with the guy, nobody speaks to him, sees him or socialises with him, including me. Its just that my boyfriend asked me in relation to my friend, if this guy and her still saw eachother (neighbours..) and if i got along with him. I just dont want to volunteer information that he really doesnt want to know. Especially since he has never asked me any information about ex's about who they are, how we met etc. The only reason he even KNOWS how many guys ive dated, (3) is because i told him when a bit tipsy, he even said then, i didnt wan tto know that! all signs are pointing to him really not wanting to know any of this stuff. but i dont want him jumping down my throat if i tell him down the track and he says why didnt you tell me! (duh..you didnt want to know anything so i didnt say!)
SoleMate Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Let sleeping dogs lie. That relationship was years ago, and your current bf made it clear doesn't want to know. He's smarter than a lot of people posting on Loveshack...
Author JoL Posted September 18, 2004 Author Posted September 18, 2004 Im just trying to do the right thing- i dont want him throwing it back in my face later on that i didn't tell him something, even though the it's due to his "not wanting to know" policy that i have done so
Author JoL Posted September 19, 2004 Author Posted September 19, 2004 It's all good..turns out he had already figured it out anyway, and just didn't want to bring it up due to his "not wanting to talk about it policy.." But i also found out stuff that he hadn't told me as well..hmm...
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