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How not to think about him so much?

venuss

By venuss
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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venuss Member

venuss

Posted
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I read over and over again to forget about the ex and move on! It's been almost a month and I still find myself thinking about him all the time. I have loads to do at work & home but I keep thinking about him so so much that I am literally not able to accomplish much and having a lot of unproductive time. I have tried meditation and distracting myself but nothing has helped significantly!!

 

Those who managed to get over their ex's please share if there is any way to not waste time thinking about them? I have bills to pay, and have loads other matters overdue, I don't even cook or clean or exercise or watch tele, I just sit in my bed and think about him!!!!

 

And since I am over-thinking I know what happened. His approach was so aggressive from the beginning that I was always scared, had my guards up and eventually he made me dump him. Now even if he wanted to come back his male ego & pride won't let him. I suppose!! But if he realizes what he did wrong, then he may fix himself and come back!! And if that ever happens then I will see what will I do about it. For now I just want some peace of mind!

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martys Member

martys

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Posted

honestly, thats normal. thinking of your ex partner every day will happen for at least another month or two, it WILL go though, be strong and hang in there!

 

dont sit in bed and mope about, get about doing things. a month after the breakup your probably thinking it wont ever happen, im 3 and a half months on, and it works. i joined a gym, lost loads of weight, and am looking rather good at the moment, all my anger is unleashed in the gym. lost so much weight, gained so much muscle.

 

you could do some cleaning, go for a walk listening to some music, phone up some friends and do something together (friends, in my opinion, is the best way to forget about an ex) just do stuff! i was like you for the first 3 weeks, and realised this HAS to change. make a change. work on yourself. :)

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venuss Member

venuss

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im 3 and a half months on, and it works.

 

Thanks.

What worries me that so much time has passed for you and you are still counting!!

 

I do go to work everyday and go out with colleagues & friends but time to time I take break, be alone, sometimes go to WC and just stand in corner close my eyes and think about us.

 

I have very strong will power, still. I feel like being under a spell!! Really helpless.

 

Thanks anyways :)

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na49 Established Member

na49

Posted
Posted

Don't be silly. If he wanted to come back. He would swallow his pride and come back.

 

As for how to stop thinking about him? Stop trying to stop thinking about him. Have the thoughts. Let them pass. and keep going with your life. Take a deep breath and realize they're just thoughts.

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amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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Start thinking of all bad things about him. Every time he did something that annoyed you, think of that. Every time he treated you less than great or let you down, think of that.

 

You are stuck in sadness. You need to start to get angry so the healing process gets moving again.

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venuss Member

venuss

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Stop trying to stop thinking about him.

 

I do that and that is what I advise all my friends when they go through something similar. It just isn't working for me. Today I had training at work, no idea what instructor was saying!!!

 

I am trying to let it run through my mind and pass. Thanks.

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venuss Member

venuss

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Start thinking of all bad things about him. Every time he did something that annoyed you, think of that. Every time he treated you less than great or let you down, think of that.

 

You are stuck in sadness. You need to start to get angry so the healing process gets moving again.

 

Comes down to 'thinking' again. Isn't it? This is what I said in last few lines, that over-thinking made me think how he forced me into dumping him!! He is one big jerk!!

na49 Established Member

na49

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I do that and that is what I advise all my friends when they go through something similar. It just isn't working for me. Today I had training at work, no idea what instructor was saying!!!

 

I am trying to let it run through my mind and pass. Thanks.

 

Let yourself think about him when you do. Just realize you're doing it. say to yourself, "Okay.. I'm thinking about him... I miss him... I love him... I hate him... I want him... and now I'm done"

 

I don't believe in these mental gymnastics. Just have the thoughts and let them pass. It's not a bad thing to think about him.

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venuss Member

venuss

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Let yourself think about him when you do. Just realize you're doing it. say to yourself, "Okay.. I'm thinking about him... I miss him... I love him... I hate him... I want him... and now I'm done"

 

I don't believe in these mental gymnastics. Just have the thoughts and let them pass. It's not a bad thing to think about him.

 

I would if I could, the reason I want to get over it already is because its affecting my work and I cannot let this happen for another month! I have huge 'to do' list to clear already at work and at home!! Right now I should have been doing laundry when I am ranting here and reading articles about love & break ups everywhere!!

 

Thanks again though..I am (not) trying..

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
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Let yourself think about him when you do. Just realize you're doing it. say to yourself, "Okay.. I'm thinking about him... I miss him... I love him... I hate him... I want him... and now I'm done"

 

I don't believe in these mental gymnastics. Just have the thoughts and let them pass. It's not a bad thing to think about him.

 

Your begining to sound like me! Are you copying and pasting the advise I gave you 2 months ago. Lol :)Cav

amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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Comes down to 'thinking' again. Isn't it? This is what I said in last few lines, that over-thinking made me think how he forced me into dumping him!! He is one big jerk!!

 

You sound really confused.

destroyed4sho Established Member

destroyed4sho

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I was exactly where you were a couple of months ago. Give it a couple more months.

Your situation is a bit different..I am having a hard time relating to it. Why are you hung up over a guy that just wanted sex from you? He made it pretty obvious. If you had given him sex, it wouldn't of changed a thing except that he would of kept you around and tied in a little longer....he had nothing to offer you.

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CompleteFailure Established Member

CompleteFailure

Posted
Posted (edited)

Try keeping a journal. Get a pen and a notebook and instead of lying in bed thinking about him, just write out what you are thinking, feeling. Good things, bad, don't matter. Just write until you run out of stuff to write. Spend 30mins at a time cycling through the tasks you have, until they're all complete. This should help you stay productive and keep your thoughts from staying static.

Edited by CompleteFailure
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venuss Member

venuss

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I was exactly where you were a couple of months ago. Give it a couple more months.

Your situation is a bit different..I am having a hard time relating to it. Why are you hung up over a guy that just wanted sex from you? He made it pretty obvious. If you had given him sex, it wouldn't of changed a thing except that he would of kept you around and tied in a little longer....he had nothing to offer you.

 

destroyed4sho I know I confuse you but I also sense that you understand me really well :)

 

When I came to realize that may be (still may be :) ) he only wanted sex, I spent months trying to change it and I did not quit! Because I loved him and wanted him to love me back on a serious note. I read at several places, in order to achieve that I should be fun, spend time with him, look attractive but don't have sex! Which aligned perfectly with my orthodox views. But then every time we met he wanted to rip off that dress and I did not let him. When it turned into frustration for me (and sounded like for him too) I broke up with him and he agreed (but it was not in a nice way).

 

After almost a month at this stage I don't want to be thinking so much about him.

 

If I ever had to write, I will not use pen/paper. I take notes on laptop. Have been doing that for years. And so may land up here quite often :)

 

Thanks again.

i.am Member

i.am

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I guess we just gotta let it flow... I'm thinking of him every minute. That I can't even focus at work... It's very torturing. Sometimes I hope I can just switch off my brain cause even while I'm asleep, I would dream of him.

 

Like many had said, let it flow, don't resist. But another part of you gotta remind yourself that it's over and you gotta stop all these one day...

destroyed4sho Established Member

destroyed4sho

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Posted
destroyed4sho I know I confuse you but I also sense that you understand me really well :)

 

When I came to realize that may be (still may be :) ) he only wanted sex, I spent months trying to change it and I did not quit! Because I loved him and wanted him to love me back on a serious note. I read at several places, in order to achieve that I should be fun, spend time with him, look attractive but don't have sex! Which aligned perfectly with my orthodox views. But then every time we met he wanted to rip off that dress and I did not let him. When it turned into frustration for me (and sounded like for him too) I broke up with him and he agreed (but it was not in a nice way).

 

After almost a month at this stage I don't want to be thinking so much about him.

 

If I ever had to write, I will not use pen/paper. I take notes on laptop. Have been doing that for years. And so may land up here quite often :)

out.

 

Thanks again.

 

 

Have you ever read **** that guys read online aboit how to get a woman to sleep with you? or stuff like she friendzoned me what should I do ?

men fear being in the friendzone with women and if you combine immaturity with that and inexperience they act the same exact way that your ex has. They start pressuring for sex and dont want to be with you unless you give it up. His prime focus was sleeping with you not getting to know better and let things flow. even if you would have slept with him i guarrantee you it wouldnt of worked out.

let this go, he is immature ,inexperienced and prob listened to his idiotic friends advice 'what? you havent banged her yet?? haha she is friendzoning you/using you...why do you need her as a friend?"

He is an idiot and useless to you and what you want.He didnt hang out with you for NYE?? UNFORGIVABLE..Inexcusable....hand him his walking papers..goodbye!

  • Like 2
Sweetnothing Established Member

Sweetnothing

Posted
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Invite a friend over and watch a movie. Talk about the movie. Nobody wants to hear about your ex when they're trying to watch a movie.

 

Me and my best friend go out and people watch and gossip.

 

Just think about other things. Plan a day trip somewhere or buy concert tickets a week in advance so you have something to look forward to

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venuss Member

venuss

Posted
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Posted
Have you ever read **** that guys read online aboit how to get a woman to sleep with you? or stuff like she friendzoned me what should I do ?

men fear being in the friendzone with women and if you combine immaturity with that and inexperience they act the same exact way that your ex has. They start pressuring for sex and dont want to be with you unless you give it up. His prime focus was sleeping with you not getting to know better and let things flow. even if you would have slept with him i guarrantee you it wouldnt of worked out.

let this go, he is immature ,inexperienced and prob listened to his idiotic friends advice 'what? you havent banged her yet?? haha she is friendzoning you/using you...why do you need her as a friend?"

He is an idiot and useless to you and what you want.He didnt hang out with you for NYE?? UNFORGIVABLE..Inexcusable....hand him his walking papers..goodbye!

 

Ya I read all that..just type in google 'ignore her' and all the information that shows up is bizarre!!

 

I am just not able to relate all that to him, I don't think that he reads all that! I also don't think he brags to his mates about me, may be he does but I am not able to relate him & showing off!! He comes across as reserved and down to earth person!! But may be I am wrong. He is in his 30s will he act that immature? That's why I was trying to bring him on lovey dovey node.

 

But he became too aggressive!! Anyhow, destroyed4sho you always say something that gives me fuel to go on some more days without stressing that much about it. I still remember that post in which you said..you dodged a bullet and saved yourself months if not years of bs with this man...I have it saved in my notepad to remind me when I get desperate to contact him or find a brilliant excuse to speak with him again!!! And I stop..no matter how much it hurts I resist!

 

Thanks!!

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