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It's all about appealing to the most amount of people

Pompeii

By Pompeii
in General Relationship Discussion

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Pompeii Established Member

Pompeii

Posted
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If there's one thing I've learned the past couple of weeks, its that it's about appealing to the most amount of people that will get you success in dating. I've heard my friends talking about "niche dating" or find your "niche" but I've learned its a load of crock. If you want to get the most results, you need to appeal to the most amount of people possible. Starting from a baseline, it doesn't hurt to have universally attractive traits. Actually, the term "universally attractive" is a bad one, I think of it more as "utilitarian attractiveness". Who attracts the most people at the most time.

 

I've noticed that guys who have olive skin with contrasting light eyes tend to be rated as "hot" by a variety of females. When your looks are fairly uniform, you tend not to pop out as much. Let's also not forget about being muscular, on the edge of ripped but not entirely. Male model physique. Chiseled jawlines, medium length hair, etc.

 

Those are the traits, I've found for utilitarian attractiveness. If you have these traits, then congratulations, you've hit the genetic lottery.

 

I don't believe "personality" really has much to do with anything. I've seen really socially inept guys get lots of girls because they are similar or have some of the traits I've mentioned. Obviously, they can't keep them but it doesn't matter because their turnover rate makes up for that. Girls go crazy for these guys. Personality might have something to do with long-term relationship success but that can always be "developed" I guess. Looks, really can't to an extent.

 

The real reason I don't agree with "niche dating" or "finding that one girl" is because of the fact that you may not attract your niche. Let's say your some type of gamer nerd and you're being compared to Adonis. You would think that you have an easier time getting the gamer girls you like, but you forget that these girls are girls too. They don't want the gamer nerds, they want the Adonises. For the gamer nerd, it's like trying to hit a bullseye from 100 yards away blindfolded, while the Adonis gets a double barreled shotgun at 3 yards. It's pretty much no contest.

 

But yeah, that's what I think about it. It's all about utilitarian attractiveness, not personality, not niches, not anything else. The more you can attract, the better. You will not attract everyone, but hopefully the more types of people you can attract the better of a chance you will have of meeting someone with that "chemistry" you desire.

  • Like 2
mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

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The more you can attract, the better. You will not attract everyone, but hopefully the more types of people you can attract the better of a chance you will have of meeting someone with that "chemistry" you desire.

 

I absolutely agree with this part. This whole "find that one person who likes you" is just the typical LS butterfly talk.

  • Like 1
Poppy fields Established Member

Poppy fields

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Red heads make me craaaaaaaazy!!! It must be chemical.

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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AKA It's all about looks :rolleyes::lmao:

 

Typically two extreme arguments - looks and personality. The truth - as always - is sat right on that fence in the middle that everybody loves avoiding ;).

 

They both matter. Other things also factor in. Whether you think looks matter more or not, depends on your demographic. Where I live is a melting pot, and there seems to be more of an emphasis on the individual preference rather than "all these bitches care about looks" or "all men are shallow" or some other ridiculous generalization.

 

As for your argument about niche being a crock - well, you're half right. It's not about appealing to that one girl who's gonna like you, or even appealing to girls who are gamers like yourself - it's a frivolous way to narrow down your type IMO. And I agree with your premise of appealing to as many as you can.

 

Where we disagree is in your insistence (and you're not the only one so this is a general 'your') that it is the same old chiseled abs model man who gets all the girls. It's such a tired argument to me because I see so many men who get girls who don't look like that, and they aren't "exceptions" either.

 

Anyway, I did promise I wouldn't get embroiled in this discussion because I personally believe it's an exercise in self-defeatism and nothing I seem to say as a way of providing solutions or positivity seems to get to any of you guys so I think this will be my last word on the matter......

SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I agree i know the pc pollyana crowd hates me for it but looks are a huge part of this whole thing

 

I know theyres plenty of women who liked me strictly becasue of what i looked like [at least in my prime:laugh:] not because they loved my personlaity or that we had great "chemistry"

 

If you're good lookign enough women will find anyhting to decide they have "chemistry" with you

  • Like 1
tbf Established Member

tbf

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If you want to get the most results, you need to appeal to the most amount of people possible.
No dispute here. 10% of 1000 is a greater number than 10% of 100.

 

But why the need for so many results? 1 + 1 = a couple.

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Poppy fields Established Member

Poppy fields

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I agree i know the pc pollyana crowd hates me for it but looks are a huge part of this whole thing

 

I know theyres plenty of women who liked me strictly becasue of what i looked like [at least in my prime:laugh:] not because they loved my personlaity or that we had great "chemistry"

 

If you're good lookign enough women will find anyhting to decide they have "chemistry" with you

 

Hey now... Maybe it is not chemistry, but I do have a red head fetish. ''Adonis" types do nothing for me.

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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No dispute here. 10% of 1000 is a greater number than 10% of 100.

 

But why the need for so many results? 1 + 1 = a couple.

Scarcity mindset. There's a thread about it somewhere around here......

tbf Established Member

tbf

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Scarcity mindset. There's a thread about it somewhere around here......
Please link or PM me with the thread.

 

This thread appears to be a weaved fabric to hide behind, to enable "I can't".

PJKino Established Member

PJKino

Posted
Posted
No dispute here. 10% of 1000 is a greater number than 10% of 100.

 

But why the need for so many results? 1 + 1 = a couple.

 

Because the more people who find you attractive the more chances you have in finding somebody you click with.. where if you rarely attract the opposite sex you better hope the few times you do meet somebody whos attracted to you enough to want to get to know you more that it works out..

 

A person in high demand knows that if a date/relationship doesnt work out its easy for that person to attract people and try again soon..people who struggle dont know when there next opportunity will be if at all..

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
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Please link or PM me with the thread.

 

This thread appears to be a weaved fabric to hide behind, to enable "I can't".

I agree.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/385659-scarcity-mentality

 

It doesn't directly address the topic of this thread, but I think the mindset is what subconsciously prompted such a point of view - or at least I speculate that.

 

I just try to imagine where I would be if I was caught up in that way of thinking now - I doubt I would ever have gotten to where I am. And it's easy to pin my progression on the things I can't control either (i.e. being tall etc), but I've had those things ever since I hit my mid teens - they didn't help me then :laugh:.

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tbf Established Member

tbf

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I agree.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/385659-scarcity-mentality

 

It doesn't directly address the topic of this thread, but I think the mindset is what subconsciously prompted such a point of view - or at least I speculate that.

 

I just try to imagine where I would be if I was caught up in that way of thinking now - I doubt I would ever have gotten to where I am. And it's easy to pin my progression on the things I can't control either (i.e. being tall etc), but I've had those things ever since I hit my mid teens - they didn't help me then :laugh:.

Ah, the altar of "Icantism". :laugh:
StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
Posted
I agree i know the pc pollyana crowd hates me for it but looks are a huge part of this whole thing

 

I know theyres plenty of women who liked me strictly becasue of what i looked like [at least in my prime:laugh:] not because they loved my personlaity or that we had great "chemistry"

 

If you're good lookign enough women will find anyhting to decide they have "chemistry" with you

 

Pretty much. No point in pumping rainbows up each other's arse.

 

With experience, I have learned to filter out the girls who are chasing Mr. Perfect around the room.

amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
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Because the more people who find you attractive the more chances you have in finding somebody you click with.. where if you rarely attract the opposite sex you better hope the few times you do meet somebody whos attracted to you enough to want to get to know you more that it works out..

 

A person in high demand knows that if a date/relationship doesnt work out its easy for that person to attract people and try again soon..people who struggle dont know when there next opportunity will be if at all..

 

People who are attractive to a lot of people are the same ones who don't care about how many people they attract.

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Pompeii Established Member

Pompeii

Posted
  • Author
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AKA It's all about looks :rolleyes::lmao:

 

Typically two extreme arguments - looks and personality. The truth - as always - is sat right on that fence in the middle that everybody loves avoiding ;).

 

They both matter. Other things also factor in. Whether you think looks matter more or not, depends on your demographic. Where I live is a melting pot, and there seems to be more of an emphasis on the individual preference rather than "all these bitches care about looks" or "all men are shallow" or some other ridiculous generalization.

 

As for your argument about niche being a crock - well, you're half right. It's not about appealing to that one girl who's gonna like you, or even appealing to girls who are gamers like yourself - it's a frivolous way to narrow down your type IMO. And I agree with your premise of appealing to as many as you can.

 

Where we disagree is in your insistence (and you're not the only one so this is a general 'your') that it is the same old chiseled abs model man who gets all the girls. It's such a tired argument to me because I see so many men who get girls who don't look like that, and they aren't "exceptions" either.

 

Anyway, I did promise I wouldn't get embroiled in this discussion because I personally believe it's an exercise in self-defeatism and nothing I seem to say as a way of providing solutions or positivity seems to get to any of you guys so I think this will be my last word on the matter......

 

But that's what I'm saying... Of course the other guys CAN get girls. I never said they DIDN'T get girls. But it's not about the fact that they can get girls, but rather if they are satisfied with the type of girls they attract or if they're just settling. The super-ripped male model guy can also get girls, he will have a larger pool to choose from. This isn't intended to be a negative post but rather a one where people can self-reflect and stop believing all this niche stuff and try to see how they can compensate for these things.

 

At my stage in life and with the people who I deal with, it's ALL about looks. If you don't have them, you will be deprived developmentally in relations with the opposite sex. I see girls holding out for good looking guys all the time like they have nothing to lose.

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Pompeii Established Member

Pompeii

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No dispute here. 10% of 1000 is a greater number than 10% of 100.

 

But why the need for so many results? 1 + 1 = a couple.

 

But if that relationship goes south and you're not high on the spectrum of utilitarian attractiveness, then you're screwed.

 

I believe you people call it "having options".

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
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But that's what I'm saying... Of course the other guys CAN get girls. I never said they DIDN'T get girls. But it's not about the fact that they can get girls, but rather if they are satisfied with the type of girls they attract or if they're just settling. The super-ripped male model guy can also get girls, he will have a larger pool to choose from. This isn't intended to be a negative post but rather a one where people can self-reflect and stop believing all this niche stuff and try to see how they can compensate for these things.

 

It's not intended to be negative I'm sure, as I don't really see you as a bitter guy - but it kinda is :o. These kinds of posts that are meant to be all about "realism" just come off as pessimistic - what are the actual solutions? What is the right attitude to approach them with? Where is the medium?

 

At my stage in life and with the people who I deal with, it's ALL about looks. If you don't have them, you will be deprived developmentally in relations with the opposite sex. I see girls holding out for good looking guys all the time like they have nothing to lose.

 

I put that down to demographic. The biggest players I know who have the most girls after them are not super ripped male model guys. That's not to say I don't know girls like the one you described - simply that you guys make it sound like most girls are like that, and in my observations, it hasn't been so.

tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted
I agree i know the pc pollyana crowd hates me for it but looks are a huge part of this whole thing

 

I know theyres plenty of women who liked me strictly becasue of what i looked like [at least in my prime:laugh:] not because they loved my personlaity or that we had great "chemistry"

 

If you're good lookign enough women will find anyhting to decide they have "chemistry" with you

It's difficult to believe when every post contains a combination of personal fapping and a put-down to women. Men who actually do well with women, are usually happy with their success.
  • Like 1
SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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Posted
It's difficult to believe when every post contains a combination of personal fapping and a put-down to women. Men who actually do well with women, are usually happy with their success.

 

I told you it wasnt because of my personality:laugh: besides i dont tell them all my thoughts i know the right thing to say and how to charm women and luckily for me most of you broads are naive and guillbile :love:

tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted
I told you it wasnt because of my personality:laugh: besides i dont tell them all my thoughts i know the right thing to say and how to charm women and luckily for me most of you broads are naive and guillbile :love:
So you mask your personality from them and then, claim that it's not about personality?
tuxedo cat Established Member

tuxedo cat

Posted
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Well, I disagree with most of what you wrote but there's a grain of truth there.

 

Women care as much about personality as looks in guys, but for a lot of women (and even moreso for men) there is a certain threshold of attractiveness that a guy must meet to even be a candidate. This threshold of course varies with the person. There are many who will give average or below guys a chance. Others have a higher bar. In other words, a certain level of attractiveness is necessary but not sufficient if you want to appeal to a broad subset of women.

 

What's true is that it's better to have more options than very few. If you are unattractive you will struggle more to find somebody whom you click with and also find attractive. That's reality.

 

But past a certain number of options, more options aren't necessarily better. In fact too many choices can be bad, especially if somebody has poor taste or doesn't know what they want.

 

Btw, I'm pretty sure that dark eyes have more appeal to women, but I'm biased because that's my preference.

  • Like 5
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Posted

I appeal to myself first and people can take it or leave it. It whittles down the option to worthwhile ones.

  • Like 4
amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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I appeal to myself first and people can take it or leave it. It whittles down the option to worthwhile ones.

 

We have the same attitude. Sweet. :)

  • Like 1
Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I appeal to myself first and people can take it or leave it. It whittles down the option to worthwhile ones.

 

:love::love:

SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

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It's easy to say personality is just as important if you hae the looks. You have more options and a better chance at meeting a good looking person with a good persinality. IMO as long as you're not an over the top dick/or bitch and a social reject, if someome's attracted to you the battle is already won.

 

Being a redhead makes me very insecure. Many of us struggle with women as only a small percentage if women are attracted to redheads. Not that we all look alike. Or do we? lol

 

@poppyfields::love:

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