loredo21 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 maybe the answers are obvious but how many of you were depressed (clinically or self-diagnosed) when you entered into an A? I had been dealing with depression since the birth of our daughter and within 3 years of it I had my A. Another question would be how many are still struggling with this and/or what are you doing to combat it? I am on antidepressants and been in IC for 3 years. I do a lot of alternative medicine as well. Hugs to everyone who suffers! 1
thefooloftheyear Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Never dealt with it in my life until it ended...Been a brutal ride.. I am going cold turkey on the meds after a bad scare with some crazy side effects early on... I always work out, but right now I have turned it up to an intense level.. The endorphin release is better than any med you can take, its just too bad it only lasts for a few hours or so.. I might be an emotional wreck, but I must say I am looking pretty awesome...lol I am interested to hear what others have been doing..The mornings and weekends are horrible. TFOY 3
thefooloftheyear Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I've always struggled with depression as well. After the A ended, well my spiral down insanity lane became worse. Eventually I couldn't function at all. I lost my job, I wasn't fired it was more due to my supreme anxiety and thankfully my employer layed me off knowing I had to heal. This took 6 months after the A to finally culminate. I spent the next 6 months in my room staring at my fish tank. My now boyfriend has been here through it all with me. I question his own sanity just because he's with me..lol. I went to counseling for the first six months. I didn't really find it helped me. I was on a downward spiral only time and love could help. I'm on anti depressants now, and on another waiting list for therapy. I have super high anxiety, I spook at many things, I am very suspicious of people and their intentions. But I recognize this and it gets better. I like to think of myself as strong. But sometimes I think it's simply that now I'm just too Jaded. Sorry, that sounds terrible... I am with you on the counseling...Its OK to vent, but I dont think I get anything out of it.??..Ive even tried a few different counselors, no luck. Glad you are getting better! TFOY
secretlady76 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Never suffered depression......until it ended. Wasn't sure if it was the abrupt end of the A, the hell that was D-Day or the ramifications of it but I went to a bad place, it was scary. Never been there before. Immediately went to the Dr and was put on low dose A-Ds and offered councilling. Not sure the A-Ds worked....I think it was more time and reflection that helped me out. The counselling was pointless, it almost like the woman was creating issues and problems about my otherwise pretty normal and lovely life. Talking about didn't make it better, just made it worse. Jacked that idea in. To me, life and other things really push you forward, takes the place of wollowing in self pity and feeling sorry for yourself and yearning over a person who dropped you like stone in favour of the spouse who drove them to you in the first place. Once you live life again you move forward more than meds or therapy. 1
Author loredo21 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 shoot, i'm so pro-counseling i've been it it for over 3 years and look how great I'm doing perhaps I need to get on board with you all.
Author loredo21 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 what has really been working the most in my combating is yoga/meditation, reading, journaling, watching my diet and water intake, and having my daughter is such a joy! This place helps a lot too I have a lot of physical health issues that have attributed to my mental health issues and I know for a fact the medications I HAVE to be on have affected me mentally, emotionally, physically. Plus the symptoms of the disorders are enough to make me want to run my car off the road some days...I am trying a more holistic approach. Hope it works...
secretlady76 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Funny how counseling has done nothing to help a few of us, yet everyone advocates it. Mine kept asking "and how does that make you feel?" I'm a huge self reflector, only I admit I reflect more negatively. What I needed I think was a way to reflect positively. How did that make me feel? I was angry, I was sad, I was angry, I was Sad...I already knew that! Yes Yes!!!! I remember walking into the therapist and a car happened to drive past and I turned round to look at it. The therapist said to me "What are you looking at?" and I said "I was looking at that car driving past." and she replies "How did it make you feel?"...............WTF? I think that sometimes if you're married with a family that in a way you can't properly grieve when you want to as you have to 'keep up appearences' at home and that makes it worse....I wonder at the beginning that was why it would take me so long to get up, because the bed was the only place I could curl up and cry before going downstairs and 'facing the music'......didn't help with the depression or trying to get over it.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 The bf is insisting on getting me a gym pass this week. I secretly think its so he can try to curb my exasperation at his attempts to feed me so much, or so he thinks he can feed me more...but I know it would be good for me mentally as well. I used to love the gym. I strongly urge you to do it(gym)...You WILL feel great. I just hate this feeling...The problem I have is that when you run a business you need to be sharp and motivated at all times.. Motivation for me during this has been horrible...Just isnt there...I wish I had a no pressure type of job so I can put myself on cruise mode and just go with it. No such luck.. Ive grown physically exhausted trying to get over this..I have tried everything. At least the panic attacks have subsided..That was some scary stuff. Have any of the others posted have problems with motivation? Its weird because i am such a type A person that is a taskmaster. Well, at least the old me was.. TFOY
Author loredo21 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 Ohhh TFOY, my motivation suuuucks ! Especially right now since where I live has been gloomy and rainy for days. It is hard for me to get out of bed and after that I don't ever feel like moving...I am trying hard to stay motivated but it is tough when you're depressed. It is so much easier to sit and daydream and feel sorry for yourself. Being well takes a lot of work. Yoga is great Smooch! It is by far thee best thing I have ever done for my body. mentally and physically! amazing!
Act Two Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Yes, I have depression and anxiety. I'm no longer on anti depressants (prob should be). I workout to relieve symptoms..I swim a lot which is one of the most mentally cleansing things you can do..yoga, Pilates, body combat. All good stuff! 1
zevahc Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 maybe the answers are obvious but how many of you were depressed (clinically or self-diagnosed) when you entered into an A? I had been dealing with depression since the birth of our daughter and within 3 years of it I had my A. Another question would be how many are still struggling with this and/or what are you doing to combat it? I am on antidepressants and been in IC for 3 years. I do a lot of alternative medicine as well. Hugs to everyone who suffers! I'm a man...and I'm the OM in the situation...single parent. I was the BS 10 years ago. I wasn't at all depressed when we started the A, but now I find I routinely get depressed wishing I could have this MW in my life...the person I love...knowing that everything we've done is wrong and we're going about things the wrong way. It is what has made me depressed from time to time...i actually went and got IC recently over all this.....
Lostinlife4now Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 maybe the answers are obvious but how many of you were depressed (clinically or self-diagnosed) when you entered into an A? I had been dealing with depression since the birth of our daughter and within 3 years of it I had my A. Another question would be how many are still struggling with this and/or what are you doing to combat it? I am on antidepressants and been in IC for 3 years. I do a lot of alternative medicine as well. Hugs to everyone who suffers! I was VERY depressed! My exH was an ALCOHOLIC...BIG TIME....dealing with him and his rehabs were exhausting. Trying to start a business with two people who were NOT business material. EXHAUSTING.... Raising a daughter who would be out of control at times. (thank God she is older now) and dealing with a MP. And still reeling from burying my 8 year old son. And going through Menopause! I literally crawled into my doctors office. and said HELP ME! I am going to go into my garage and close the door and leave the car running. Had it all planned out in my head. Then Zoloft. It didn't work immediately, but I had to watch out for stronger depressive feelings before it kicked in. It stopped me from offing myself but I always felt like I was in a "FOG". Today I am off the meds......A is over...even though I only wish him NOT GOOD THINGS...oh well.. I am human...HATE HIM... ExH is living somewhere in the midwest.. Daughter is doing good. My life is sometimes just a whirlwind. Just want good times back again! 1
waterwoman Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I wonder. H doesn't suffer from depression but I do. On meds for many years. Depressed people aren't easy to live with and his affair started during one of my lowest phases along with suicidal ideation. I think it was too much for him. It sure as he'll wasn't a picnic for me:laugh:
Summer Breeze Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Funny how counseling has done nothing to help a few of us, yet everyone advocates it. Mine kept asking "and how does that make you feel?" I'm a huge self reflector, only I admit I reflect more negatively. What I needed I think was a way to reflect positively. How did that make me feel? I was angry, I was sad, I was angry, I was Sad...I already knew that! I'd never been before dMM came back into my life. In all honesty I wanted to let him keep going and sort himself out but all the advice here and from my family Dr beat me out. I think it was because I wasn't depressed and there was something I was working towards. It made it a little different to what a lot of people go through. I'm one who looks inside and I can chew a lot of things over. I probably would have gotten to this place eventually but I'm not upset that I went. DMM went for a year and he swears it helped him greatly. He had a lot of things to work through and I'm really proud of how well he handled it all.
Author loredo21 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 I wonder. H doesn't suffer from depression but I do. On meds for many years. Depressed people aren't easy to live with and his affair started during one of my lowest phases along with suicidal ideation. I think it was too much for him. It sure as he'll wasn't a picnic for me:laugh: That's a very good point WW. I am actually surprised H wants anything to do with me. HE should have been the one to cheat on me. I was a raging depressed bitch who was in pain 24/7. NOT the M he signed up for. Like I always say, he didn't deserve any of this. He's been supportive of me through it all. I on the other hand...I don't know. How I will ever forgive myself is so beyond me. I'm not really sure what my point was. I guess yeah, that living with a depressed or sick person is very hard to understand and deal with. Can't imagine how healthy people do it. How are you managing it all now? What do you do to combat it? I am sure you have your moments still. I sure do.
Author loredo21 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 I was VERY depressed! My exH was an ALCOHOLIC...BIG TIME....dealing with him and his rehabs were exhausting. Trying to start a business with two people who were NOT business material. EXHAUSTING.... Raising a daughter who would be out of control at times. (thank God she is older now) and dealing with a MP. And still reeling from burying my 8 year old son. And going through Menopause! I literally crawled into my doctors office. and said HELP ME! I am going to go into my garage and close the door and leave the car running. Had it all planned out in my head. Then Zoloft. It didn't work immediately, but I had to watch out for stronger depressive feelings before it kicked in. It stopped me from offing myself but I always felt like I was in a "FOG". Today I am off the meds......A is over...even though I only wish him NOT GOOD THINGS...oh well.. I am human...HATE HIM... ExH is living somewhere in the midwest.. Daughter is doing good. My life is sometimes just a whirlwind. Just want good times back again! I'm so sorry to hear all of that LIL. What are you doing or what hav eyou done to combat these feelings? HUGS! I can't begin to imagine losing a child.
Summer Breeze Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I wonder. H doesn't suffer from depression but I do. On meds for many years. Depressed people aren't easy to live with and his affair started during one of my lowest phases along with suicidal ideation. I think it was too much for him. It sure as he'll wasn't a picnic for me:laugh: Is this something he's working on WW? Recognizing how you're doing and how he can help you as well as cope himself?
cocorico Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 maybe the answers are obvious but how many of you were depressed (clinically or self-diagnosed) when you entered into an A? I had been dealing with depression since the birth of our daughter and within 3 years of it I had my A. Another question would be how many are still struggling with this and/or what are you doing to combat it? I am on antidepressants and been in IC for 3 years. I do a lot of alternative medicine as well. Hugs to everyone who suffers! I had been depressed throughout my childhood, finally had it diagnosed and treated in early adulthood and have, since then, been very aware of my own needs rather than simply trying to conform to the expectations of others. I know that on LS I am seen to be erring too much in the other direction, but I learned in IC that the cost of not living authentically by my own values, interests and priorities is the bottomless pit of depression. So I was not depressed at the time of the A - not at any point during or since it. I was consciously making choices in the best interests I had learned, during IC to identify and live by. But he was. Although I did not know at the time I met him, nor when we got together subsequently, because when I saw him in my context he was not like that at all. In his case, it was reactive depression (brought about by his toxic M) that had become chronic, and so he experienced it as "normal" and did not consider himself depressed. It was only when he compared how he was with me, to how he was at "home", that the starkness of the contrast hit him and he went to his doctor for diagnosis, referral and treatment. Of course in retrospect it's all very clear to him, but at the time he simply accepted that that was how his life was. 1
Lostinlife4now Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I'm so sorry to hear all of that LIL. What are you doing or what hav eyou done to combat these feelings? HUGS! I can't begin to imagine losing a child. Oh loredo....thank you for asking! People have stopped asking me how I am doing because they think "I AM STRONG"! Losing my little boy...there aren't words in the human language to adequately express it. So I won't. Now, in my life. I spend ALOT of time alone. It is a quiet life. No expectations anymore. Don't care about too many things, except my daughter of course. I go thru the motions, so to speak. Don't have a man....don't want one....but it would be nice to get a hug from someone. Financial troubles, I could go on and on. I do pray alot...and drink red wine. lol.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 not like that at all. In his case, it was reactive depression (brought about by his toxic M) that had become chronic, and so he experienced it as "normal" and did not consider himself depressed. It was only when he compared how he was with me, to how he was at "home", that the starkness of the contrast hit him and he went to his doctor for diagnosis, referral and treatment. Of course in retrospect it's all very clear to him, but at the time he simply accepted that that was how his life was. THIS^^^^ 100% Id have to respectfully disagree with the esteemed previous poster about intrinsic happiness and the need for external validation.. Not in my case, anyway.. People please share what works for you....Frankly, no contact, while essential.. is probably the root cause of the depession/anxiety...When asked by my counselor to describe the feeling, the best way I can describe it is its like the feeling you get when you first discover you lost your wallet-the only thing is that it NEVER(or rarely) subsides...Sigh.... Hope everyone finds their way out... TFOY 2
thefooloftheyear Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Oh loredo....thank you for asking! People have stopped asking me how I am doing because they think "I AM STRONG"! Losing my little boy...there aren't words in the human language to adequately express it. So I won't. Now, in my life. I spend ALOT of time alone. It is a quiet life. No expectations anymore. Don't care about too many things, except my daughter of course. I go thru the motions, so to speak. Don't have a man....don't want one....but it would be nice to get a hug from someone. Financial troubles, I could go on and on. I do pray alot...and drink red wine. lol. So sorry to hear of your many misfortunes..It must be a tremendous burden. I am hoping you will find peace somehow through this..Hugs to you... TFOY
Author loredo21 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 I've never been depressed in my life, but I have been sad related to life insults. However, I tend to get over those things rather quickly. Nevertheless in my 20s and 30s I had a natural desire to have a harem.:laugh: However, never tried to fulfill that dream, I was always quite happy and loving life to the max. More than the depression I think people have affairs because they are unhappy. They meet a person that makes them happy and fall in love very quickly. That was the only excuse I could ever come up with or ever tried to use (not that it was a good one. at all)...I was unhappy. Plain and simple.
Lostinlife4now Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 So sorry to hear of your many misfortunes..It must be a tremendous burden. I am hoping you will find peace somehow through this..Hugs to you... TFOY To be honest TFOY......there is no peace and there will never be! The only peace I will get and feel is when I am dead! Just being honest! Thank you TFOY!
adelia Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 This is so true! Even for people with no family but careers etc so much easier to be by yourself when you're depressed. The energy put into acting like everything ok so no one will ask what's wrong or talk about you is so exhausting. I'm the same way in that I put on a front because I don't want pity and I don't want to be probed. I had to laugh at the exercise comment it is so true that the endorphins help tremendously! I'm in the best shape I have been in years but it's not because I strived for that it's more the feeling of wellness I get after a workout. I actually feel grounded in my emotions and happy. It wears off though as mentioned. Maybe I need a career in fitness lol Yes Yes!!!! I remember walking into the therapist and a car happened to drive past and I turned round to look at it. The therapist said to me "What are you looking at?" and I said "I was looking at that car driving past." and she replies "How did it make you feel?"...............WTF? I think that sometimes if you're married with a family that in a way you can't properly grieve when you want to as you have to 'keep up appearences' at home and that makes it worse....I wonder at the beginning that was why it would take me so long to get up, because the bed was the only place I could curl up and cry before going downstairs and 'facing the music'......didn't help with the depression or trying to get over it.
adelia Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 To be honest TFOY......there is no peace and there will never be! The only peace I will get and feel is when I am dead! Just being honest! Thank you TFOY! Oh so not true. There is always hope for feeling better. You may not feel it now but you will feel better one day. Believe in that because it's true hugz
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