JaJa35 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Hello I met a guy on POF in November. We took our time getting to know each other and met a month later and got on brilliantly. He told me he had been single since 2010 and i believed him. I didnt see him over Xmas and New Year and wondered why he didnt ask to see me but kept quiet as we both said we wanted to take things slowly. When he missed my birthday and Valentines i knew something wasnt right. So i did some checking up and found he is still with the ex and they live together. He totally denied having a gf when i asked him...although I didnt tell him how i found out.I just said I didnt believe he's 100% single. I havent seen him since I accused him but we are still in contact through whatsapp and texting. Looking back all the signs were there but I'm mad at myself for missing them... Dates were usually on a Sunday night...no Fri/Sat nights. Week dates were a coffee when he had finished work. He didnt tell me exactly where he lived either....although I knew as a friend lives near him and I saw his van outside his place. He was always very flirty and suggestive in messages....we never had sex but the intention was there that we would soon. The one thing that did stand out was the fact that he never invited me to his place...he kept saying he would make me a meal or something but it never happened. Even now he still flirts and says lovely things to me. I dont mention the gf because I know he will deny her. How did he think he wouldnt get found out?....when we were on dates he wasnt shy about handholding,kissing me in public,he told me lots of info about himself and his family,job etc....so how can he not be worried that I will tell the gf with the info i have? I wouldnt tell the gf...I hate confrontation but I'm so confused as to how he thought this would all play out. I feel like an idiot but even more so because i still want to have contact with him. Talk some sense into me please
2sunny Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Been there - done that! But after stating simply that he doesn't act single and needed to prove he wasn't married - I had silence. I had no intention of seeing/communicating with him further unless he proved he was "available". I can't see one reason to keep allowing him to string you along... Unless you enjoy being deceived. You only know what he's TOL you - MM lie all the time. 2
Author JaJa35 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 Thanks for your replies I still dont understand why he hasnt stopped contact though?.....surely his first thought when i mentioned the gf should have been to have NC with me in case i told her? I really didnt get the player vibe off him at all so he must have done all this before to be soooo good at it I'm going to have to be the one to end this i know as I cant move on.....no more POF for me that place is a nightmare.
2sunny Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 He hasn't stopped because you still give him his ego feed every time you respond. And he's had no consequences - so why should he stop? 3
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Hello I met a guy on POF in November. We took our time getting to know each other and met a month later and got on brilliantly. He told me he had been single since 2010 and i believed him. I didnt see him over Xmas and New Year and wondered why he didnt ask to see me but kept quiet as we both said we wanted to take things slowly. When he missed my birthday and Valentines i knew something wasnt right. So i did some checking up and found he is still with the ex and they live together. He totally denied having a gf when i asked him...although I didnt tell him how i found out.I just said I didnt believe he's 100% single. I havent seen him since I accused him but we are still in contact through whatsapp and texting. Looking back all the signs were there but I'm mad at myself for missing them... Dates were usually on a Sunday night...no Fri/Sat nights. Week dates were a coffee when he had finished work. He didnt tell me exactly where he lived either....although I knew as a friend lives near him and I saw his van outside his place. He was always very flirty and suggestive in messages....we never had sex but the intention was there that we would soon. The one thing that did stand out was the fact that he never invited me to his place...he kept saying he would make me a meal or something but it never happened. Even now he still flirts and says lovely things to me. I dont mention the gf because I know he will deny her. How did he think he wouldnt get found out?....when we were on dates he wasnt shy about handholding,kissing me in public,he told me lots of info about himself and his family,job etc....so how can he not be worried that I will tell the gf with the info i have? I wouldnt tell the gf...I hate confrontation but I'm so confused as to how he thought this would all play out. I feel like an idiot but even more so because i still want to have contact with him. Talk some sense into me please Why do you still want to have contact with him? Really sit and think about this. The guy IS still with someone, he's lied and omitted truths to you. He didn't spend any time with you over the holidays, no Vday and no bday either. Don't try to figure out the why's and how's of this. This guy is NOT someone you want to be with since he's treated you so poorly and actually treating you like a fool on some level as well! No dates on Fri/Sat. Sunday dates and coffee after work. WHY do you even like him? What are you getting out of this. This is now as much your fault as it is his since you are allowing this to continue on. Just end it with him! You can do better. Plus, you haven't invested months and months on him, there hasn't been any sex yet, just flirting. 2
Author JaJa35 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 You're all correct i know. I'm 44 btw so not some youngster Day 1 of NC starts today....keep you posted
ComingInHot Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 JaJa35, This has happened to me! Looooong before I was married but Still! Everything was out in the open with dates and all. I thought something was off but being younger I chalked it up to him being a bit eccentric. We met at college. Went for Coffee after class (night class). Dinner. Movies. hand-holding. Some smooching* I found out from someone who saw us that he had a GF at home with a brand new baby!!! I wasn't in-love or anything so dumping him was not a problem* neither was dumping my entire plate of dinner over his head... I can be so bad sometimes* Anyway JaJa35, time to chalk it up to a good life experience. Feel bad for his GF but not for yourself. You dodged a rocket with this boy
darkmoon Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 (edited) christmas is lonely when you're a sidepiece, your birthday a quick celebration, all encounters are quick because he's leading a double life and he has to get home move on, do some partying Edited April 13, 2013 by darkmoon
Washingmachine1980 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 You dodged a bullet for sure. Send his girlfriend a copy of his dating profile so she doesn't end up marrying this POS. Being within 10 feet of a player or even talking to one online makes me want to take antibiotics. They just reek of nastiness.
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