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Seting up second date

WhiteButton

By WhiteButton
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WhiteButton Member

WhiteButton

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Sup guys,

 

Hope everyone is doing well out there :)

 

I went on a first date on Tuesday. The date went very well. I was a Gentleman open the car door for her, carry the take home food at the end of the night etc. We found out that we have many things in common. At the end of the night, i turn to her and said give me a hug we hugged and she replayed "i am a huger" :) I dont know maybe i should have went for the kiss, but this felt right to me at that time, i did not wanted to push things to strong for her and saved the kiss for second date.

 

I texted her the next day saying, i had great time and looking forward to do it again, and she replied that she had a good time as well and thanked me for it.

 

She is a busy girl, and she told me at the end of our first date she felt bad when we had to reschedule our first date due to her work. I know some of you guys might think she is blowing me off, but i genuinely believe her, even when she told me that she was working late the day we were suppose to go, she offered to go out that same night just later or pick another date. I opted for us to go next day.

 

Anyways i texted her yesterday something a long the line hey hows your day going? She replied busy as always. I have not texted her since and kinda dont plan on doing it anymore until i am ready to set up a second date with her. So my plan right now is to wait until Sunday and call and set up second date for next week.

 

I just dont want to appear needy or clingy, hence why i think its best to just let things chill for few days. What do you guys think? I dont want to messed this up.

 

Thanks,

WhiteButton

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
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Don't wait until Sunday. Set it up now (or soon). You can use her own busy schedule to your advantage "hey, I know you're often really busy with work, so I wanted to know if you wanted to (insert activity here) next Thursday (or whenever)". I went on great dates with guys who would let a weekend go by, and call me on Sunday night. I always got the impression they either were dating someone else, or their time on Friday or Saturday was so precious to them that they couldn't even check in and say hello. Good luck!

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WhiteButton Member

WhiteButton

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Don't wait until Sunday. Set it up now (or soon). You can use her own busy schedule to your advantage "hey, I know you're often really busy with work, so I wanted to know if you wanted to (insert activity here) next Thursday (or whenever)". I went on great dates with guys who would let a weekend go by, and call me on Sunday night. I always got the impression they either were dating someone else, or their time on Friday or Saturday was so precious to them that they couldn't even check in and say hello. Good luck!

 

Thanks for your help, ok perhaps ill contact her tomorrow, i do think one day spacing without any contact cant hurt or can it? :)

I am hesitant to send her text today as it makes me look predictable. I already contacted her on Wed and Thur since our first date on Tuesday. I am thinking skipping today is not a bad idea.

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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No, I don't think one day will hurt. Just make sure you're enthusiastic when you contact her. Again, best wishes!

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PogoStick Established Member

PogoStick

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Future reference, get the second date before the 1st is over. You don't have to have exact details. You should establish some common interests then say, hey let's see that movie/band/whatever next week. When you part the 1st night, say you'll call her mid-week to hash out the details.

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Cutiepie1976 Established Member

Cutiepie1976

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I absolutely agree. You'll get much further if you're proactive about setting up your next date rather than delaying as you are. Unfortunately, what you have done is typical of what guys do when they aren't interested and are brushing their date off. When you come back after radiosilence on the prime dating days of the weekend it looks like you struck out with women you were interested in and are now scrounging around for backups. Throw in that you've also decided to contact her less frequently, and you're really shooting yourself in the foot.

 

Some women move on emotionally, and it becomes very difficult, if not impossible to recapture interest after you've played games and behaved this way. You're welcome to do what you want, but maintaining momentum and being crystal clear about your interest and enthusiasm are often a far more effective approach if you'd like things to continue and progress.

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WhiteButton Member

WhiteButton

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Future reference, get the second date before the 1st is over. You don't have to have exact details. You should establish some common interests then say, hey let's see that movie/band/whatever next week. When you part the 1st night, say you'll call her mid-week to hash out the details.

 

I agree, and that is kinda what i did i just forgot to put it in my initial post. At the end of the day i sad to her, i would love to hang out again and asked her if she was interested, she said yes, and said we will talk. So i agree if i my first date goes well i always let the girl know at the end of the first that i am interested in seeing her again.

Cutiepie1976 Established Member

Cutiepie1976

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I agree, and that is kinda what i did i just forgot to put it in my initial post. At the end of the day i sad to her, i would love to hang out again and asked her if she was interested, she said yes, and said we will talk. So i agree if i my first date goes well i always let the girl know at the end of the first that i am interested in seeing her again.

 

And guys (and women) who have zero interest in another date say the same vague nonsense. It's a common blow-off technique. As one poster on here likes to say, it's social Astroglide. It's one way to extricate yourself from a potentially awkward ending.

 

Guys who are interested are generally concrete in what they say.

 

"You mentioned that you liked XYZ. Are you free next Saturday night? I'll see if I can arrange it and get back to you with a specific time." And then they do so the next day because they are excited about seeing you again.

 

Unless there is a concrete option on the table, words go in the circular folder and I continue on my merry way.

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WhiteButton Member

WhiteButton

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Posted (edited)

Hey guys,

 

Thanks for all the advice. Here is the update, so on Saturday i send her quick text just saying hi how are you...i dont get anything from her the whole day...its 11:30pm that night she texts me hey how are you? we exchange few texts and that was it. The next day i call her its Sunday, i get a voice mail, ill leave quick vm and she calls me 20min later. We chat for a min and i just asked her out for next Saturday...she reply she has a birthday on monday and her friends are taking her out on saturday (her bday is next monday), but she says maybe we can go later that day but she needs to find out the times from her friends. She needed to go at that point and said well talke later, i didnt push the question anymore, i sad ok cao. :)

 

So at this point i guess ill just wait to hear from her i mean the ball is in her court? Unless you guys have any suggestions, i dont think there is much i can do at this point. To be honest i am not planing on texting/calling her until i hear from her letting me know if Saturday is a go or no go...what is your guys opinion on this?

Edited by WhiteButton
clia Established Member

clia

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Why did you ask for Saturday? Why not Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday of this week? Essentially, while you did pick the prime date night (Saturday -- which is good), you were willing to allow ten days go between dates. In my opinion, that is way too long in the early stages of dating, barring extenuating circumstances. You have to keep the momentum going.

 

She seems interestested -- she's returning your calls and texts, and trying to make it work for Saturday. However, Saturday seems like it is going to be a busy day for her. I don't think you should count on her being available. I think you should shoot her a short text and suggest getting together on Thursday or Friday instead (provided you are available, of course). ("I was thinking about it, and would you prefer to get together Thursday or Friday evening instead of Saturday given your plans with your friends?") Because if she isn't available on Saturday, then you are going to end up going two weeks or so between your first and second dates. That's far too long, in my opinion.

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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Posted

Agree with clia. Take her out before her day with her friends. Buy her a cup of coffee, ice cream cone, drink, whatever. Momentum!

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WhiteButton Member

WhiteButton

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Why did you ask for Saturday? Why not Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday of this week? Essentially, while you did pick the prime date night (Saturday -- which is good), you were willing to allow ten days go between dates. In my opinion, that is way too long in the early stages of dating, barring extenuating circumstances. You have to keep the momentum going.

 

She seems interestested -- she's returning your calls and texts, and trying to make it work for Saturday. However, Saturday seems like it is going to be a busy day for her. I don't think you should count on her being available. I think you should shoot her a short text and suggest getting together on Thursday or Friday instead (provided you are available, of course). ("I was thinking about it, and would you prefer to get together Thursday or Friday evening instead of Saturday given your plans with your friends?") Because if she isn't available on Saturday, then you are going to end up going two weeks or so between your first and second dates. That's far too long, in my opinion.

 

That makes sense, she puts in a lot of hours during the regular week days, and i thought picking Saturday was ideal as she would not need to rush from work to get ready etc. But in the process i completely forgot about her bday.

 

The two days that could work for me this week would be Tuesday or Friday. I guess i can text her today and see if these two work better for her.

 

ANother reason i didnt opt to ask her to go out on Tuesday is that i didnt think it gave her enough heads up time (I called her on Sunday) and Fridays are her busy days...so Saturday seemed like a good option at the time.

BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
Posted (edited)

You remind me of a guy I went on one date with a couple of weeks ago. I actually liked him, and I thought he liked me. I thought I had a good chance with this one because he was born in Pakistan and I'm ash blonde/blue eyes, I know they have some difficulties attracting white women, so I thought I'm good :)) He seemed a little shy in person, in text was more carefree (not once innapropriate though). He took forever to actually ask me out for a first date. Ask for phone number, waits 48h to text, waits another week to call, waits and waits and waits some more...I kept thinking this one poofed and as soon as I move on mentally, he appears again. Then the date went OK, like I said, texted me immediately after, but then lets a week go by and texted me again on Sunday (yesterday; how is your day, anything interesting blah blah) but not asked me out again. I'm not sure if he's confused like you, but I personally classified him as stringing me along and not being really interested. I don't plan to reply again if he contacts, takes too long. So it's good to be proactive like the others suggested, or women might misinterpret as low interest. I know I did, and in my case I probably am right :)

Edited by BluEyeL
Cutiepie1976 Established Member

Cutiepie1976

Posted
Posted

OP, you are right. Asking for a date the following day tends not to be well received, but in this case you were trying for Saturday first.

 

I agree with Clia.

 

CALL, don't text, and offer up Friday and tomorrow as other options that might be more convenient for her. The point of the call is to lock down the date...not to remain in limbo.

 

Momentum is important at the start of dating. Sitting in limbo trying not to be overeager and then wondering where you even stand after you've delayed things is how a lot of promising starts fizzle out. This is yet another reason why guys who are interested lock down the next date at the end of the current one.

 

Hope it all works out.:)

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