johndoe Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 I need some advice/encourgement. My girlfriend and I broke up a week ago. We're both 23 and have been going out about 2 1/2 years and lived together for the past 8 months and I still live there until October 1st. Basically for the past year we havent been very intimate, I think we've had sex like twice since we moved in together. I've been kind of suspicious for the last month and a half because she's been going out with guys from work and sometimes coming home really late, like 5:30am. Last night she came home from school but I didn't know she was home until about 20 minutes later when I heard her car horn honk, I looked in the garage and she was talking on her phone - Kind of weird I thought. When she came in I asked her how long she was out there for and who she was talking to, she said she wasn't out there that long and she was talking to her mom. Well when she wasn't around I looked at her call History on her phone and saw that she was talking to a guy from work for an hour. I saw his name in the history a bunch of times. I know that it's wrong to look at her phone but it happened and know I feel horrible. I know this is the same guy that she has been doing stuff with from work. Whenever she goes out she says she is going out with a group of people - should I believe her?? Whenever she goes out with this "group of people" she always gets dressed up really nice and she even wears a thong -Which she never has before!!!!! . I asked her last night if she is seeing anyone else and she said no(I know that were broken up but she can atleast wait until I move out) She reasured me that she wasn't seeing anyone and got mad at the accusation so I finally told her that I'm sorry and I'm paranoid. Should I believe her, I mean she lied about who she was talking to for a reason, right???? Whenever she goes out I just go crazy thinking about what she is doing with that guy. I need some help. What should I do????? I just really need some advice right now or some encouragement. Thanks for all your help
Papillon Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 I'm sorry to hear about your hurt, bro. I think you have to try and focus on effect and not cause here. While it's possible that she cheated on you before you broke up, or that the guy(s) from work played a big part in the breakup, you should try not to worry about the "WHY". All you have is the "NOW", i.e the effect of having broken up. Just deal with that. You've broken up, and you should try to move on. The reasons aren't important anymore. They may have been while there was still time to try and save the relationship, but that time is past. I know it's hard, I've been in that situation myself, but for your own emotional health it's the best in the long run to simply put it behind you.
sami Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 If she is your "ex" as you said, she then has every right to see whomever she likes. You have no right at all to question her as to what time she came home or whom she wast alking to. An ex is an ex. Sounds harsh,hard and rude but true. The problem is: Truth always hurts.
Author johndoe Posted September 16, 2004 Author Posted September 16, 2004 Sami, the reason I'm hurt is because she was coming home late when we were still together. I know that we're broken up now and she can do whatever she wants but it's only been a week, that makes it harder to just get over it when I know she is seeing someonelse already!
Papillon Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Yeah, it's not like she dumped ya and moved on, she moved on and then dumped ya. But like I said, you have to try and not focus on that aspect, what's done is done.
sami Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Might be she is lucky enough to find someone in just a week. Just get out and find someone yourself. What's wrong with that? You cannot waste the rest of your life thinking about whom she is going with. You have many other good things to do for your own good self my friend. Stop beating yourself up for nothing.
Author johndoe Posted September 16, 2004 Author Posted September 16, 2004 Sami, I know she didn't just find this guy. She's been doing stuff with him for the past Month and a half. Thanks for the advice though I wil try to use it. Anyone else have any advice???
l2hvn Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 im sorry to hear about your predicament. but it sounds like she has been cheating on you while you were still together. i've been cheated on a couple of times and never knew about it until later on. i then looked back at how it happened and it all fit together: been working too much, coming home late, spending less quality time together, being less intimate, less affectionate, fewer phone calls, getting angry too quickly, etc.. i ignored all of those signs and naively believed what they told me... their million excuses and all. my advice is to just move on. i am sure you are better off without her. i know i am. at that time, it didn't make sense, but now it does.
Author johndoe Posted September 16, 2004 Author Posted September 16, 2004 12hvn, thanks for the advice. I know I have to move on but it hurts so bad. A million things are running through my head and I can't shut them out. Sometimes I feel sad and other times I'm pi$$ed off about the whole situation. I just can't believe she would do that! and then lie right to my face! Dam%it!!!! I keep thinking about being alone and what I'm going to do now and it scares me. I thought that I was going to marry this girl, I really don't feel like trying to date other people right now but I guess that's normal though, right? "Moving on" is easier said than done. Does anyone have any tips on how I can move on????
ltomlinson81 Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 I think the hardest thing in your situation is that you are still living together. My ex and I broke up about 2 weeks ago after he cheated on me, and I moved out last weekend. During the time that we were broken-up but still staying in the same place, I found it was hardest when he was around. I decided that since he was the one who cheated and caused the break-up, that he needed to stay somewhere else until I moved out. That was the only thing that allowed me to come to terms with the fact that we were no longer together and let me cope. I would advise you that either you or she should stay with a friend until the lease is up, or whatever it is that you are waiting to move out permanently for. You are only confusing yourself and the situation by staying in the same place. It may be hard, but it will allow the two of you to deal with the break-up as if it is really happening. Staying in the same place only makes it seem like you are still together.
mach3 Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 JohnDoe Man reading your post brought back a lot of memories. Some of the stuff you said, was word for word - what happened to me. There was a garage incident just like what you said - man it was like deja vu. Anway - to my point. Not sure of your situation - but we were together over 2 years, lived together over a year. She pulled that kind of crap very ealy in our relationship after she moved in - I know for a fact she wasn't cheating, but nonetheless it was unacceptable. We moved in together too early, she was JUST out of another relationship - it was unhealthy to move in so fast. But we patched things up and it was good for about a year, but girls like that have problems. The problems always come back - I would always fix things between us. We would be on/off - so many times. Now I wish, back then, I would have just walked. Instead, I wasted a lot of time and love - now I still hurt. Do yourself a favor - get out now. Focus on yourself. Don't shut the door - maybe you 2 weren't ready to live together, but try and move on. If you get back together - great. It can happen. But believe me - it's probably not a good sign of things to come.
Author johndoe Posted September 16, 2004 Author Posted September 16, 2004 Thanks everyone for replying back. I know I have to move on and just forget about her but knowing she already has someone and is moving on makes me feel like such a loser. If I just want to stay home one night and not do anything I'm just going to think about how she is probably out having a good time with her new guy. This whole thing would be a whole lot easier if I didn't know about this other guy, and another thing that kills me is that I met this guy so I keep seeing his face in my head!!! I wish I wasn't so da#n nosey. It would have been better to have been in the dark! I wish I could just get over it but it hurts so bad.
Splatty Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 johndoe, Same thing happened to me but I wasn't living with my ex, so I totally feel you pain. She started hanging out with people from work next thing I know she dating..... next thing I knew I was finding out is that she is dating. Same thing as you she said "just friends from work". I read something like this in another thread about people who jump ship "the guy told her things that she wanted to hear when she needed to hear them, things went perfect at home, grass looked greener on the other side of the fence"
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