headspinning Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I'm 45 and live with my girlfriend and woman in question is 22 and single..I know big age difference. We met at work overseas and instantly bonded because we went to same school, come from same area, etc. and where we are, (Europe) it's unusual to find someone with so much in common. While working together we had lunch together a couple of times and after hours beer once. Fast forward and we are both no longer working together. We continue to stay in touch and since not working, we have gone out several times always just two of us and she even came to a dinner party my gf and I had at our place (so she's met my gf) Last time we had pre dinner drinks, dinner, then I took her to a arcade, pool, bowling place...had a great time, etc. Every once in a while I flirt, offer my arm (which she takes but doesn't grab tight), and tell her she looks great and/or beautiful. She really doesn't actively flirt back although sometimes in her sms she'll put an xoxo or something similar, which for her age is not unusual to do with friends. So we have a great time together, have similar interests (believe it or not!) yet, I'm not sure of her feelings toward me. We do hug but I have never taken things further. Why? with such a large age gap, I don't want to come across as "creepy old guy" if she thinks of me only in a friendly way. On the other hand, she may be shy or feel guilty expressing anything since she knows I have a gf and she has met her. That all being said, I know that all the advice says to let a much younger woman make the first move. However, after reading my situation, would it be appropriate for me to make the first move? Nothing drastic, just a small but obvious gesture like holding her hand. Thought about grabbing her hand and then asking her how she felt about it as well. Please, no lecture about the status of my current relationship. I'm dealing with that, but would like to know if I'm stuck in the friend zone or if there's more to it! Thanks for the input!
mesmerized Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 lol you're a gem aren't you? If she doesn't respond to your flirts which most probably are lame, then it means she isn't all that interested. And yes, don't be the creepy old taken guy. Had a couple of them at my work. 3
rocketman122 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I'm 45 and live with my girlfriend and woman in question is 22 and single..I know big age difference. We met at work overseas and instantly bonded because we went to same school, come from same area, etc. and where we are, (Europe) it's unusual to find someone with so much in common. While working together we had lunch together a couple of times and after hours beer once. Fast forward and we are both no longer working together. We continue to stay in touch and since not working, we have gone out several times always just two of us and she even came to a dinner party my gf and I had at our place (so she's met my gf) Last time we had pre dinner drinks, dinner, then I took her to a arcade, pool, bowling place...had a great time, etc. Every once in a while I flirt, offer my arm (which she takes but doesn't grab tight), and tell her she looks great and/or beautiful. She really doesn't actively flirt back although sometimes in her sms she'll put an xoxo or something similar, which for her age is not unusual to do with friends. So we have a great time together, have similar interests (believe it or not!) yet, I'm not sure of her feelings toward me. We do hug but I have never taken things further. Why? with such a large age gap, I don't want to come across as "creepy old guy" if she thinks of me only in a friendly way. On the other hand, she may be shy or feel guilty expressing anything since she knows I have a gf and she has met her. That all being said, I know that all the advice says to let a much younger woman make the first move. However, after reading my situation, would it be appropriate for me to make the first move? Nothing drastic, just a small but obvious gesture like holding her hand. Thought about grabbing her hand and then asking her how she felt about it as well. Please, no lecture about the status of my current relationship. I'm dealing with that, but would like to know if I'm stuck in the friend zone or if there's more to it! Thanks for the input! Or not. too late for that, you are. you have a GF but trying to get some on the side with a young chicky. pathetic. 4
Author headspinning Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 Thanks for not being tooo hard on me! lol. Well, not sure why you assume my flirting is lame...age discrimination! lol. Anyway, here's a question for you, did you ever go out several times one on one with any of the "creepy old taken guys" at work? If you did (actually or theoretically), would you expect him to make a move on you? If not, would you make a first move?
WhoreyBull Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 and where we are, (Europe) it's unusual to find someone with so much in common. It's unusual to find someone with so much in common... in Europe? "Would it be OK to make a move on younger woman if...?" ... If what? If you did it in a really, really creepy way (i.e grabbing her hand and asking how she felt about it)? No, no it wouldn't.
todreaminblue Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I'm 45 and live with my girlfriend and woman in question is 22 and single..I know big age difference. We met at work overseas and instantly bonded because we went to same school, come from same area, etc. and where we are, (Europe) it's unusual to find someone with so much in common. While working together we had lunch together a couple of times and after hours beer once. Fast forward and we are both no longer working together. We continue to stay in touch and since not working, we have gone out several times always just two of us and she even came to a dinner party my gf and I had at our place (so she's met my gf) Last time we had pre dinner drinks, dinner, then I took her to a arcade, pool, bowling place...had a great time, etc. Every once in a while I flirt, offer my arm (which she takes but doesn't grab tight), and tell her she looks great and/or beautiful. She really doesn't actively flirt back although sometimes in her sms she'll put an xoxo or something similar, which for her age is not unusual to do with friends. So we have a great time together, have similar interests (believe it or not!) yet, I'm not sure of her feelings toward me. We do hug but I have never taken things further. Why? with such a large age gap, I don't want to come across as "creepy old guy" if she thinks of me only in a friendly way. On the other hand, she may be shy or feel guilty expressing anything since she knows I have a gf and she has met her. That all being said, I know that all the advice says to let a much younger woman make the first move. However, after reading my situation, would it be appropriate for me to make the first move? Nothing drastic, just a small but obvious gesture like holding her hand. Thought about grabbing her hand and then asking her how she felt about it as well. Please, no lecture about the status of my current relationship. I'm dealing with that, but would like to know if I'm stuck in the friend zone or if there's more to it! Thanks for the input! are you actually in a relationship..a sexual and intimate relationship.if you are, you cant begin another one and be taken seriously by either.....deb 1
Author headspinning Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 It's unusual to find someone with so much in common... in Europe? "Would it be OK to make a move on younger woman if...?" ... If what? If you did it in a really, really creepy way (i.e grabbing her hand and asking how she felt about it)? No, no it wouldn't. We both grew up in the US and met at a non English, local company in a not so international city...therefore, yes, uncommon to find someone with that much in common in that circumstance. My thought is that she may be shy or guilty or even confused, so as mentioned, normally I would let her make the move (not the case for someone closer to my age) but if she isn't sure, should I go ahead? As far as grabbing her hand, that might be too strong a term. Was thinking to do it playfully, saying something like, "don't want people to think I'm your dad, so please grab my hand" .... in a funny playful way....
Author headspinning Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 By "working on it" I assume you mean: if the 22 year old is game ill leave but if she shoots me down ill stick to my certain source of play... OK, tried to avoid it, but clear I'll probably just be in the doghouse for most folks because of the girlfriend thing so here goes... I've already told my girlfriend things are not working for me. We are still living together due to issues with permits, residency issues, etc, etc. Once resolved, I will be moving out. I'm not having intimate or sexual relations with my girlfriend...maybe more accurately...soon to by ex gf. The younger girl doesn't know about this because it is a private matter between us for the moment... OK, so hopefully that suffices and back to the original question.....
CC12 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 On the other hand, she may be shy or feel guilty expressing anything since she knows I have a gf and she has met her. ...Or maybe she just doesn't think of you in a romantic way. Why wasn't that on your list of possibilities? would it be appropriate for me to make the first move? You've already made moves, though? "Every once in a while I flirt, offer my arm (which she takes but doesn't grab tight), and tell her she looks great and/or beautiful." And she doesn't flirt back. How far are you going to push this, old man? Thought about grabbing her hand and then asking her how she felt about it as well. No.
StanMusial Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Eh, you need to get your life sorted before moving on, regardless of the age of your next love interest.
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I'm 45 and live with my girlfriend and woman in question is 22 and single. I stopped reading after your first sentence. No. It's not ok.
MidwestUSA Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 When I'm out with a guy twice my age, I, too, pretend he's my dad. It's cuts the creep factor down (well, a little bit).
TigerCub Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 At 22, I used to see ~45 year old men as "father" types. If one flirted with me it would have been creepy. Sorry, but when someone is 22, they usually think 45 is old! You can always take your chances and just be upfront with her. AFTER you end your R with your current GF. Let us know how that goes? Also, what can you possibly have in common with the 22 year old? Do you both like lady gaga and justin beeber? Do you both enjoy a good rave? I would make more sarcastic references, but I honestly don't know what 22 year olds are into and I'm in my early 30s. 1
sabre80 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 If she DOESN'T see the relationship as a daddy/daughter relationship I would be surprised. After your first sentence I just realized the age factor. Normally I am a big supporter in moderate age gap dating. But then I realize I will be 44 when my daughter is 22. Sorry buddy but I could not date any woman that is the same age as my daughter.
SoleMate Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 It's already somewhat creepy. NOT the age difference necessarily...but these things: * the way you redefined your gf as being your soon-to-be-ex gf * the claim that your breakup with your gf is private (fine, assuming it's actually true, and your gf has actually been informed, but to the outer world you still look like a couple and so that's the way everyone will view it) * the experience gap. This isn't about age, it's about whether she has her defenses properly raised against being the plaything of a middle-aged seducer * the fact that you work together. Any kind of r/s with you risks her job and career So, no, it's not OK and it won't be even when your GF has actually learned about the breakup you've planned in your head. Go look for 22-year-old women elsewhere than your place of employment.
Author headspinning Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 At 22, I used to see ~45 year old men as "father" types. If one flirted with me it would have been creepy. Sorry, but when someone is 22, they usually think 45 is old! You can always take your chances and just be upfront with her. AFTER you end your R with your current GF. Let us know how that goes? Also, what can you possibly have in common with the 22 year old? Do you both like lady gaga and justin beeber? Do you both enjoy a good rave? I would make more sarcastic references, but I honestly don't know what 22 year olds are into and I'm in my early 30s. Believe it or not, we have quite a bit in common. However, I realize she cannot possibly have the same life experience. Actually, I like Lady Gaga! Respect her drive and passion! We both like good movies (comedies), sarcasm, funny jokes, political debating, discussing foreign policy, etc. We even swapped iphones and found much of our music was in the other's iphone! She knows many of the classics! I know I'm bound to get my fair share of "creepy old guy" comments, but in all honesty, her physical age is 22, but her emotional and maturity age is much much higher. Again, hard for the average person to understand, but I respect her very much....anyway.
Author headspinning Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 It's already somewhat creepy. NOT the age difference necessarily...but these things: * the way you redefined your gf as being your soon-to-be-ex gf * the claim that your breakup with your gf is private (fine, assuming it's actually true, and your gf has actually been informed, but to the outer world you still look like a couple and so that's the way everyone will view it) * the experience gap. This isn't about age, it's about whether she has her defenses properly raised against being the plaything of a middle-aged seducer * the fact that you work together. Any kind of r/s with you risks her job and career So, no, it's not OK and it won't be even when your GF has actually learned about the breakup you've planned in your head. Go look for 22-year-old women elsewhere than your place of employment. Sorry, but you didn't read the post carefully. We used to work together but is no longer the case. Otherwise, all points well taken and appreciated!
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