Still really hurt by ex-gf, when I was the one that ended it?

[ilovebrunettes]

So a while back I posted a thread on what to do about my girlfriend who seemed to be way more invested in her relationship with her best female (bisexual) friend than our relationship, and I got a lot of great responses that helped me see what was happening. I ended things shortly afterwards, and we've been broken up for about two months now. We didn't talk at all for the first month, then I broke down and gave her a call, and we've been talking on and off since, not too much, just texting, but we haven't seen each other since the breakup.

 

I recently added her on FaceBook/instagram, and I've been trying to just be her friend (whatever that means, I'm not sure, we still haven't hung out since we broke up... and our "friendship" seems to be a lot more on my end...), but god DAMN it still really hurts when I see pictures of her. I'm not even sure why, because I'm the one that broke up with her, but just talking about her/seeing new pics of her just really hurts. Some of my friends still hang out with her too, so sometimes I'll see pictures of her through my friends' profiles.

 

I checked out her FaceBook the other day and I saw a cover photo that pretty much summed up everything I was unhappy about in our relationship. She had made it her cover photo when we were dating, and I didn't realize it at the time, but that cover photo was pretty much why I was angry/sad/confused with her in a nutshell. It was a picture of her and her best friend, my GF's hand on her lap seductively, both of them super close to each other, staring dreamily into the camera. They took many of these photos, among other things, like texting each other 24/7, hanging out with each other all the time, etc. When I saw this cover photo again I got so angry, why had I not said anything about it before when we were dating?

 

My ex-gf was just so lovey dovey with her best female friend (who cheats on her BF, parties too much, is a gossip, etc...), and I just never really realized what was going on. Now that we have been broken up for two months, I can see how in our relationship I was seeing these things progress (which was why I was unhappy), but I never actually saw it for what it was until I asked for advice on here, and when I saw that photo again it just all came flooding back. It was just clear as day. I can understand girls taking cute pictures together, but this was different. My ex-gf really has a thing for her best friend, regardless of whether it's sexual or not, and it still hurts me; immensely.

 

I un-friended her today, but I need advice. Why does it still hurt me so much to see photos of her? Why do I feel angry / sad / confused / hurt / happy all at the same time when I see pictures of her? I'm guessing I should initiate NC, but I did for a month, should I do it again? It seems like she just isn't interested in being friends anyways, so I should just move on, but I feel like I need to discover why I'm so hurt by her, when I was the one that ended things. She was my longest relationship (three months) that I've had in years (since highschool, I'm 24 now...), so maybe that has something to do with it too. There are just so many answers I don't have about things that happened in our relationship, and I feel like she's totally over me, while I'm the one that should be totally over her.

Edited April 12, 2013 by ilovebrunettes

[creighton0123]

Yeah. You're still hurting and the best way (not the only way... but the best way) is to go full on no contact. It's like ripping a bandaid off. You can do it slowly and hurt the entire time... or do it really quickly and hurt much more for a shorter amount of time.

 

Problem with no contact is that if you break it, you more or less have to start from ground zero, so make sure that you have all your business settled before beginning it (exchanging any left over possessions, deleting photos, rearranging furniture, unfriending people you met exclusively through her, etc. etc.)

 

Having one last "conversation for closure" does not constitute unsettled business.

 

The answer to why you're hurt by her is simple. You have feelings for her and cannot express those feelings. You're hurting because of the lost potential of what your body and mind is telling you is a relationship that should be there but isn't. It is quite literally the physical and psychological symptoms of addiction withdrawal.