nancy1 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 We have been together for 8 years and married almost a year. We have had sex twice. He knows this is a problem, but I am tired of trying to talk to him about it - empty promises and he never broaches the subject himself. This has dragged on for so long. I believe it is also the reason we fight all the time. I feel so worthless all the time and am not interested in any social occasions at all. I think I have tried everything, but it's too hard with someone who won't even meet me half way. My frustration and anger gets the better of me now and we fight and say the most hurtful things to each other. I always felt neglected growing up and never dreamed that some day I would feel the same thing from the person supposed to love and care about me. I know my husband isn't gay and he says he's not asexual, I don't know what to do. I don't want a divorce but can't see any way out of this. He still refuses to talk to me properly and talks about the fights instead - which are a result of him not showing any passion or desire. I don't know what to do.
redhat Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Have you tried a sex therapist? Why did you marry him if you've only had sex twice? Eight years and sex twice, sounds weird, did you never talk about sex? Are you attracted to each other? 1
analystfromhell Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Are you waiting for him to take the initiative because you feel that's his place? How to you communicate that you'd like to have a more sexual relationship. I'm sure you're aware talking is NOT the way to excite most men. Men may not like to be dominated (or they might) but few men aren't enticed when a woman shows some physical initiative especially in the stereotypical, media-induced ways (lingerie, etc) where the ingrained social pressure to conform to male notions is overwhelming UNLESS there is something else going on- medical condition (ED, infection, etc), sexual preferences, overwhelming stresses, etc. Personally, I can't imagine any circumstance outside those in the list above which would cause a person, male or female, to not anticipate and appreciate intimacy and love with someone they love. In my experience if it's not one of these, then it's a lack of love and affection.
GuyInLimbo Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I say get out. Immediately. The problem(s) he has is likely way too severe for you guys to have a normal relationship. And are you saying you've only had sex twice in EIGHT YEARS? Or in the past year since you got married? Either way, it's a sexless marriage (by clinical definition). Why the hell did you guys bother to get married in the first place? Surely the red flags were waving everywhere, no? Even a marriage with a nagging, pain in the ass wife will see a couple having sex more than a few times a month. Twice in a year? Fuggetaboutit! Dissolve the relationship, get your butt to counseling (you obviously have some unresolved issues as well) and find your way to a new, fulfilling life. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 And are you saying you've only had sex twice in EIGHT YEARS? Or in the past year since you got married? Boy, I'd assumed it was twice in the last year since married. The other option hadn't occurred to me since one would guess the OP wouldn't wed under those circumstances. nancy1, what was it like before you got married ??? Dissolve the relationship, get your butt to counseling (you obviously have some unresolved issues as well) and find your way to a new, fulfilling life. Is an annulment possible? Mr. Lucky
JD1977 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Nancy, I feel your pain!!! And although I would never want someone's marriages to end, I think it may be your only option if he is not willing to go to counseling. I have been going thought the same, and if he is not willing to work to save it, your only option is to suffer through or get out! And do NOT suffer through! I have been going through the same thing since I got married almost 5 YEARS ago! We have probably had sex about a dozen times. If I didn't feel so guilty about leaving, I would have. Don't be me in 4+ years!
Recommended Posts