Jord11 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 All of the I love you's, the caring, gifts, laughs all of it, one minute you are everything the next minute bam there gone, how could someone just do that, still puzzles me, how does someone fall out of love so fast 3
Am4Real Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Seems to be the number one observation here on LS, followed closely by cheating, lying and disappearing. Oh, and I have the lovely honors of the last three! All of the I love you's, the caring, gifts, laughs all of it, one minute you are everything the next minute bam there gone, how could someone just do that, still puzzles me, how does someone fall out of love so fast 4
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 All of the I love you's, the caring, gifts, laughs all of it, one minute you are everything the next minute bam there gone, how could someone just do that, still puzzles me, how does someone fall out of love so fast Boggles the mind. The only thing I can think of is that they were thinking of it long before acting on it.... 5
gaius Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Some people are just like that. One girl I dated went from doing almost anything for me to not extending me the tiniest courtesy whatsoever. Even though I never wronged her. Taught me a lot about humans in general. 4
OzHeartache Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 All of the I love you's, the caring, gifts, laughs all of it, one minute you are everything the next minute bam there gone, how could someone just do that, still puzzles me, how does someone fall out of love so fast Think about it daily unfortunately
CompleteFailure Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 All of the I love you's, the caring, gifts, laughs all of it, one minute you are everything the next minute bam there gone, how could someone just do that, still puzzles me, how does someone fall out of love so fast Well I ask, how do we all fall "in" love so fast? The answer to that is probably the answer to your question. Sometimes it's someone else. With stable, mature love and attachment, there are usually lots of signs and/or conversations leading up to the final curtain. 1
witmadskilllz Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 All of the I love you's, the caring, gifts, laughs all of it, one minute you are everything the next minute bam there gone, how could someone just do that, still puzzles me, how does someone fall out of love so fast Perhaps this will help you and the others here to understand better. So are we with the right partner?
uniqwa Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 they fall out of love FAST because they were never In love to begin with.. take my ex for example, I loved him.. His sister sent him a breakup message " he said that's why he left" found out and stayed gone.. He was in a relationship with the girl a day later.. He made it fb official.. literally one day later... the fact is when someone genuinely loves you, they don't get over you in one night. It takes time. It may even take years depending on how deeply in love that individual was with you..but over nighters those are the ones that lie and pretend..So you had a one sided love affair..
TearyEyedPride Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Oh yeah... anyone who's ever had a broken heart thinks about these things daily. The promises... the I love yous... all the good memories and how the glass ceilings just shatters instantly with you underneath as they end it and the shards of a break up cut you to your core. Smh... yes we've alllll been there. Some of us are in different states of healing... some are too busy trying to repair the glass ceiling vs healing ourselves... some of us are just laying in critical condition desperately trying to survive it day by day. The whatifs and idle times hurt but we're all survivors. Heartbreak rarely has any direct fatalities. 1
h3braica Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 i've been asking the same question myself for the past 3 mos now. sigh!
Am4Real Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Relationships pass through stages. This might help you: LINK i've been asking the same question myself for the past 3 mos now. sigh!
Mack05 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Ever feel like you meant nothing to them I've has the lovely distinction of being literally 'erased' from my ex's life. In her mind I never existed. She would rather do that, then ever admit I could be right about her. That initially hurt, but eventually I realised this wasn't about her. If you have full belief in yourself then it really doesn't matter if you meant something to them or not. You instinctively know that it's their loss. If you can get your mind thinking like that and genuinely believing it. You will end up with everything you want out of life. Not as easy as it sounds but that is what every dumpee should aspire to. 3
Leigh 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I agree that you never meant that much to them to begin with. If someone is really IN love with you - they will NOT just fall out of that love over night. Two options here: They were never in love with you to begin with. They were once in love with you, but met someone else, and let their feelings for this new person flourish, instead of cutting contact with them in order to save their love for YOU and keep THAT alive ........................................... Even people who are deeply in love will come across others who they WOULD have fallen in love with if they were single; the chemistry and natural feelings will occur of they spend time with the new person. Although people who are realllly in love would not want to lose their partner, and therefore just cut contact with any potential threats to their relationship. 5
Coping Vortex Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I think women in particular have the ability to "throw the switch" and change over night. It does boggle the mind. Most of the time they come back around again, when its too late to repair the relationship.
maiden555 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 While everyone is pointing out how you CAN be easily forgotten, I also think a lot of time it's just that you can't see the reactions. 2 of my exes ended up getting teary and realizing I was the best thing in their lives and that they would do anything to get me back but that was after 3 months and in the other case TWO YEARS. They kept those feelings to themselves and I would never have known how much they thought about me. You never know- I know I put up a super strong, carefree front on social media and I do no contact meanwhile I cry, look at old pictures and old gchats and wonder where he is. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to be invisible and see our old love while they were doing the same? 4
Coping Vortex Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 No guy has thrown a long term relationship / marriage in the garbage for a "crime of passion" (or worse) with a co-worker, ex or some chick he met at happy hour, huh? Dumpers (Men and Women) usually spend time, effort, energy, thought, etc. coming to the conclusion they no longer want to be with you. Problem is, it's only when you are dumped that you realize you were the last one to know. What I meant is women tend to dump a man without too much discussion. So even though they might have thought about it, or had another guy in the wings they can spring it on you without much fanfare before hand. As far as a guy throwing a marriage in the garbage, wrong context. That is different than a person officially ending a relationship. Many men who have a one night stand probably aren't leaving their wives/GF's the next day. We are talking about a person officially ending a relationship out of the blue. I feel women tend to change their minds, or so it seems or feels, out of the blue. I'm not saying men don't surprise women as well I just think its more common from women.
Coping Vortex Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 While everyone is pointing out how you CAN be easily forgotten, I also think a lot of time it's just that you can't see the reactions. 2 of my exes ended up getting teary and realizing I was the best thing in their lives and that they would do anything to get me back but that was after 3 months and in the other case TWO YEARS. They kept those feelings to themselves and I would never have known how much they thought about me. You never know- I know I put up a super strong, carefree front on social media and I do no contact meanwhile I cry, look at old pictures and old gchats and wonder where he is. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to be invisible and see our old love while they were doing the same? Pride and misplaced anger can kill any hope for a relationship at times. Communication is so key. Sometimes things get spun out of control needlessly. I had a big talk with my ex a month after we broke up. She told if she knew back then what she knew now it would have changed her mind about ending the relationship. But sometimes things get too far down the road to get back. Its a shame really. 2
SalientPoint Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 What I meant is women tend to dump a man without too much discussion. So even though they might have thought about it, or had another guy in the wings they can spring it on you without much fanfare before hand. As far as a guy throwing a marriage in the garbage, wrong context. That is different than a person officially ending a relationship. Many men who have a one night stand probably aren't leaving their wives/GF's the next day. We are talking about a person officially ending a relationship out of the blue. I feel women tend to change their minds, or so it seems or feels, out of the blue. I'm not saying men don't surprise women as well I just think its more common from women. As a lesbian with many guy friends, I can say that's pretty true. I've had a few gf's that declared undying love and then just bailed without any discussion. I'm not saying guys never do it, but seeing both sides of the coin, I think women are pretty good at the back handed breakup. 1
Infnitysign Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I decided that I will live alone and die alone because women are unfair and manipulative creatures. Worst case scenario is I turn GAY lol
OwlSoul Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 All of the I love you's, the caring, gifts, laughs all of it, one minute you are everything the next minute bam there gone, how could someone just do that, still puzzles me, how does someone fall out of love so fast You usually can see it coming from far away. Calling less, initiating less contacts, not being so interested in planning weekends, speaking less and less. I could see it coming 1.5 months before the break-up, although my ex would tell how he loves me every day and keep on the normal rate of the relationship. There is a thin line between friend-love and romantic-love. So it takes a bit of time for one transform to another. And back. The thing is, love is kind of a battlefield, where you have to show that you're the best (not by how much you care about the person, but by who you are).
KatZee Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 they fall out of love FAST because they were never In love to begin with.. Have to agree with this. My ex pulled this same thing. He was just too scared to be alone, so he stayed with me until he found his fall back, dumped me, and was dating her like a month later after dating me for three years. It didn't work out, not sure why, but I'm not surprised. After all his "I love you's" and his gifts and saying he saw a future and engagement and living together... until the day I die, I will never believe he really loved me at all.
hollyberry Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 While everyone is pointing out how you CAN be easily forgotten, I also think a lot of time it's just that you can't see the reactions. 2 of my exes ended up getting teary and realizing I was the best thing in their lives and that they would do anything to get me back but that was after 3 months and in the other case TWO YEARS. They kept those feelings to themselves and I would never have known how much they thought about me. You never know- I know I put up a super strong, carefree front on social media and I do no contact meanwhile I cry, look at old pictures and old gchats and wonder where he is. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to be invisible and see our old love while they were doing the same? I totally agree with Maiden555. We assume they do not think about us because we have no signals or signs to prove it. NC means just that - no contact. when we and them have zero info/ knowledge human nature decides that we should fill in the bits that are missing. The dumper has never reached out to us therefore they don't think about us. Meanwhile we've in return done the same thing.. Put up a wall of silence and not reached out either. Don't you think that may well have them wondering how the hell you are and what you are up to? It works both ways. I was and remain devastated when my BF of 5 years BU with me in 1 Jan. I had a total melt down but because we are in NC he has no idea how I feel. No one has eluded to how I feel so he hasn't a clue how horrendous it's been. I've been so off the radar that I havent even been on FB since BU day. Two weeks ago a mutual friend of ours posted two pics on FB, a group shot of us paintballing and another one of just me laughing hysterically with a mate of ours. within half hour my ex de-friended me!!! It wasn't even me who posted them! He strangely decided to keep my mum, son and best friend on though?!! they're still there. A week later after some thought I decided to make my timeline only visible to my friends only. Within a few hours he'd gone onto his public photos on his timeline and gone through two albums of our kids together on a day out and systematically delete every single phot that had even a hint of one my kids in it. I wasn't even there in that day out!! What harm can the photos have done. I think it was a really hurtful thing to do. My point is this... We're all assuming they never think about us, that we vanished from their lives and that they don't care or never ever think about us etc but they can hide it like we do. I'm crying at home but I wouldn't walk down the street crying. I put in a smile and project to the outside world that I'm fine. This is what they see. It works both ways. We don't know about them so we assume they don't think about us. They don't know a thing about and assume we've moved on, that we never think about them because they are non the wiser. What they don't know is that we think about them all the time !!! 2
Coping Vortex Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I have experienced quite the opposite. Although the women didn't come out and directly tell me what was going on in their head... Their words / actions didn't leave much doubt as to what was going on. Most of the time, Men (me included) miss these discussions, words, actions. Guys are just as guilty of this as women. In your case, with your last Ex... You were dating her before the divorce was over, your Ex has never been alone and will avoid it at all costs. I have never heard a marriage vow that included cheating as something they both agree to tolerate. In most cases... Cheating / infidelity ENDS most relationships / marriages and EVERYONE knows it. Regardless of what his hopes are, he knows it's very likely that if he is caught... He is choosing to end the relationship / marriage. He might not be the one who "officially" ends it but it's really his choice and his actions that did. Dating I have seen this happen but Relationships? No. There are usually signs, conversations, actions, clues, etc. long before the break up happens. This probably has more to do with the type of women you date than anything else. You said yourself that you are co-dependent and your last Ex was too. I suspect you have been this way for a long time and dated the same type of women. Men are more common to get lazy, comfortable and content in relationships. Men often times tune out / don't listen to women in the various ways and forms they communicate. Who is to blame? The chicken or the egg? Being co dependent with my ex was unique for me. Most of my relationships have not been co dependent. You are reaching with your examples trying to justify your point. Trust me I have dated many more women than most people on this site as I am older than most. Women flip the switch way more than men. Most of the posts on this site are from men that didn't see it coming. How many new posts start with a guy saying "My GF of 5 years BU with me today" " I didn't see it coming!" And yes there are times when you know where its heading, especially if there are fights etc. but there are lot of times men don't see it coming. I have spoken with many women that have confirmed this phenomena. They agree as women expect men to somehow "see" something is wrong without directly communicating it. Plus I think women tend to be more impulsive when it comes to emotional decisions. Unless there is fighting or major issues many of us don't see it coming. Women maybe even talking to a new guy and do a good job keep that under their hat. See my quote in my signature. Even Dice Clay agrees! LOL! 1
cool1990 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I think falling in love takes time as does falling out of it. No one wakes up one day and decides all of a sudden "ok thats it, i dont love him/her anymore". Its gradual but yes it does have a tendency to sneak up on u, without u realizing it. As for meaning nothing to them, if ur here posting about it whats to say they rnt doing the same somewhere else. I agree with hollyberry, NC makes it impossible to find out what theyre thinking or not about u. I think its best to put it out of ur mind and focus on urself. Otherwise ud drive urself crazy with that question. It doesnt matter whether they think of u, not anymore. That part of ur life is done and over with, best to move on. While that might be more easy said than done it is the best move. Cheers 1
GB25 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 While everyone is pointing out how you CAN be easily forgotten, I also think a lot of time it's just that you can't see the reactions. 2 of my exes ended up getting teary and realizing I was the best thing in their lives and that they would do anything to get me back but that was after 3 months and in the other case TWO YEARS. They kept those feelings to themselves and I would never have known how much they thought about me. You never know- I know I put up a super strong, carefree front on social media and I do no contact meanwhile I cry, look at old pictures and old gchats and wonder where he is. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to be invisible and see our old love while they were doing the same? This really is true- we can make all the assumptions we want about how we are forgotten and how they moved on so fast without looking back, but we truly have no idea if they are sad, regretful, thinking about us. I know the old " if they wanted us they would contact us" saying..but thats not always true sometimes individuals suffer in silence..i have. 1
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