youaremysunshine Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I had some sort of panic attack infornt of a guy I've been dating for 4 months. I've been doubting if he feels the way I do and it's been stressing me out, but there are other things on my mind too. I sent him this email in an attempt to rationalize what happened. He's a writer and and a poet so I let myself get a little verbose: "I know I have been a lot to handle lately. The volume and subject matter of my school work (which is rapidly becoming due). The pain, that I see in the faces of the people I serve at work, and my inability to help them. My more than comfortable yet hilariously oppressive living situation. All of these things conspire against my sanity every day. For not smoking, I deserve a medal. You are a good man for putting up with me, and for hearing some of my own stories of pain. I know you that have felt the same pain and it makes me adore you even more. In my studies I have learnt that in order to cope with stress the mind will do funny things, and will people behave in funny ways, but it is not forever. I do not wish to burden you with my minds particular coping mechanisms or the details of every injustice ever made against me. I want this to be as pleasant as possible for both of us. As much pain, violation and injustice there is in this world and in my past, you Marc are a bright spot. If I let my anxious ways come between us, I will regret it dearly. So from now on I refuse to let the past intrude on the present. I will forget all my former lovers, for you are the only one I need. I will forget all my anger and my insecurities; they only numb me to the beauty in life." What to you think? To desperate? 1
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 I'm crazy about him but I feel crazy, you know
todreaminblue Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I'm crazy about him but I feel crazy, you know why do you feel the need to send him this.......deb
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 After a long day at my work (homeless drop in) he came over. I had so much home work due for my social work bachelors and I am on the outs with my room mates. I broke a glass and has an anxiety attack of some sort. I'm pretty insecure in the relationship so i feel really embarrassed. I sent him this message to try to make him understand what happened.
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 Also aluded to in the message is the fact we are both survivours of childhood sexual abuse.
PogoStick Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 It is a bit verbose, talking about grand social issues and tying it to your own. It would make more sense to be more forward, explaining what happened and how you appreciate his support. 4 months in I think you'll have his sympathy so don't worry about it. Just curious, explain the panic attack. What exactly happened? What did you experience?
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 I broke a glass by accident and them became very dizzy and disorientatled. He kept asking me what what wrong and I couldnt really speak. I was really agitated. I lied down on the couch and felt very tense like my muscles were frozen. When he asked me what happened I could barely make a sentence and could not remember what I had done during the day. I have been having some serious memory problems and he's been noticing, I think it's stress related
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 He left shortly after and seemed scared. I have been both on edge and spaced out recently and he has been noticing. I just want to make him understand it's a tempory recacting to stress
ScreamingTrees Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Why not play it off as a medical problem rather than a solely psychological issue, and then in the meantime just work with it? If you can't do that, you have to just be honest and tell him you're just stressed lately. He ain't going to leave you over petty stuff like that, I'd truly be surprised. He seems concerned and worried more than anything..
MidwestUSA Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Keep it simple. I believe if you give him that as written, he will run for the hills. All of this to explain a broken glass? 1
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 "Dude, did you see that the other day? I think my blood sugar was low. Holy crap. If I get get like that again, stuff a Snickers bar in my mouth, ok?" Seriously, don't make a big deal out of it unless you want him to. And you don't want him too. Yes, way too verbose and apologetic and needy.
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 I sent it too him, i felt like i didnt want to skirt the issue of my mental heath any longer. he showed up at my house concerned. I reassured him it wasnt his fault, We had sex, he took me out to meet his brother, danced, crashed at my place, more sex. everything seemed good. Two days have passed since then without him texting me and i am depressed as hell. I need to face the music that this isn't working for me. I'm not in the right state of mind for a relationship and his hot/cold behavior is too much for me to take. I'm way more emotionaly invested and he isn't ready to be exclusive. I'm his first but he says he wants to experience sex with other women before committing to me. I have my doubts he will be able to just have fun and not fall in love. He doesn't actually know any girls and is highly uncomfortable around them do it doesn't seem like its happening anytime soon. But it still hangs over my head making me feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like I should have never told him about my anxiety disorder. I have been off meds for a year now but now I'm considering going back on
todreaminblue Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I sent it too him, i felt like i didnt want to skirt the issue of my mental heath any longer. he showed up at my house concerned. I reassured him it wasnt his fault, We had sex, he took me out to meet his brother, danced, crashed at my place, more sex. everything seemed good. Two days have passed since then without him texting me and i am depressed as hell. I need to face the music that this isn't working for me. I'm not in the right state of mind for a relationship and his hot/cold behavior is too much for me to take. I'm way more emotionaly invested and he isn't ready to be exclusive. I'm his first but he says he wants to experience sex with other women before committing to me. I have my doubts he will be able to just have fun and not fall in love. He doesn't actually know any girls and is highly uncomfortable around them do it doesn't seem like its happening anytime soon. But it still hangs over my head making me feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like I should have never told him about my anxiety disorder. I have been off meds for a year now but now I'm considering going back on sorry this happened to you, did he tell you before you had sex that he wanted to experience sex with other women,makes him a dick if he didnt before he decided you were in for the count...it sucks when you think you cant put your all into a relationship, to me sex involves involves emotional investment and bonds that i am happy to make when it gets to that stage.....it is a bond that shouldnt be tossed around or tested on subjects and then discarded for another model...i am happy to be celibate after reading your post......i dont think you did anything wrong by telling him about your anxiety attack if he didnt tell you about wanting to be with other women before you had sex....i feel he took advantage of you.......you just have anxiety that can be healed and there's strategies to deal with it...he....is a dick........there is no strategy to fix that....dicks need an island to be dicks together away from humanity....walking penises do not deserve your time or worry or concern......sorry bit grumpy that time of the month...you deserve better though..hugs to ya..deb
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 amen. He didn't pressure me into sex or anything, we dated a few months before he was ready. He doesn't seem like a player AT ALL and always talks about wanting to bond with one woman. but I guess he aint sure its me I think I need to move on...
ses Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 If he wants to experience other women then that's all that needs to be said. He doesn't want to be exclusively committed so your best bet is to walk. Just let him go and have no regrets. Take care of yourself and your mental health first. You'll know when you're ready to find the guy who is willing and able to engage in a mutually satisfying relationship. Good luck! 1
Recommended Posts