The worst parts

April 12, 2013

Worst parts-

That I fell in love with you, and now you are gone.

That I think about you every day, throughout each day.

That my friends simply tell me that "she was no good anyway, you deserve so much better" and it does not make me feel better.

That even when I think of the bad, I still miss her.

That I try to tell myself that I am well on my way to being over her, but I am not even close.

That, while I have continued to focus on me, self improvement, NC in nearly three months, fb blocked, etc., I still feel this way.

That my father has no emotional compassion for the loss of my relationship, only telling me that its good that I am no longer in touch with her.

That I know she really did love me..a lot..and yet somehow she is gone.

That I know I will be fine, that things will be okay, yet I still feel sad.

That even if I heard from her, I dont know if I could ever be with her again after all this pain.

That I have no one to talk to, so I resort to posting/checking on a break up coping website daily.

That I try so hard, every single moment, of every single day to feel okay. Only to feel okay for a second, before going right back to the fight of feeling okay again.

That I am carrying around this absolutely shattered, broken heart around every day in my chest.

That I have suffered from depression for three years

That my grandmother passed away less than a month after the break up

That I am so very alone. So very sad. Who cares..? Well. I do.

April 12, 2013

Worst parts-

That I fell in love with you, and now you are gone.
That I think about you every day, throughout each day.
That my friends simply tell me that "she was no good anyway, you deserve so much better" and it does not make me feel better.
That even when I think of the bad, I still miss her.
That I try to tell myself that I am well on my way to being over her, but I am not even close.
That, while I have continued to focus on me, self improvement, NC in nearly three months, fb blocked, etc., I still feel this way.
That my father has no emotional compassion for the loss of my relationship, only telling me that its good that I am no longer in touch with her.
That I know she really did love me..a lot..and yet somehow she is gone.
That I know I will be fine, that things will be okay, yet I still feel sad.
That even if I heard from her, I dont know if I could ever be with her again after all this pain.
That I have no one to talk to, so I resort to posting/checking on a break up coping website daily.
That I try so hard, every single moment, of every single day to feel okay. Only to feel okay for a second, before going right back to the fight of feeling okay again.
That I am carrying around this absolutely shattered, broken heart around every day in my chest.
That I have suffered from depression for three years
That my grandmother passed away less than a month after the break up

That I am so very alone. So very sad. Who cares..? Well. I do.

Im so sorry you feel like this and I know you have kept NC for 3 months, but everybody heals different there is no expiration date on grief. All the replies to this are gonna be " keep going , let time do its thing" because that really is the only answer. I know its easier said than done but wallowing and ruminating just prolongs the negative obsessive thoughts that plague so many of us post BU. I know I dont even have to tell you to stay NC and not give in bc you made it clear on a differnt thread that you would never...other than that there is nothing else. Im not gonna give you the whole BS gym, friends, hobbies crap..just try to cowboy up and fight through it. What helps me a bunch when i get sad and think to myself that she is totally done with me and I will never hear from her again...I try to flip it and say well she will never hear from ME again and I am the prize. If she never reaches out to me again then so be it bc I AM THE PRIZE. If she is willing to dispose of me that easy and never look back then it is what it is. The worst thing you can do for you're self esteem is care deeply for someone who can give 2 sh*ts about you. It will erode youre sense of self fast.

Edited April 12, 2013 by GB25

April 12, 2013

yea all very true..i am coming off antidepressants and I think i am having bad ssri withdrawal symptoms (im under a docs care and excited about finally being off but its making me super emotional/depressed while i get thru the withdrawal phase). But sometimes its hard to cope..because I cant just not care. Even if I want to..which (TRUST ME) i do.

April 12, 2013

im thinking of leaving the love of my life because i fear he may not be able to change in the ways i need him to change.

Reading your post breaks my heart and makes me cry and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

If I leave my partner I think I would have to spend months in a dark room sobbing or turn to drugs or anything to dull the pain.

April 12, 2013

Sorry bro. I was were you were just a months ago. I does get better. Time is so slow early on and it seems never ending. Youll get there. I know it doesnt mean much but just keep going. That is all you can do. Eventually the fog of the BU lifts and you will be able to breath again. Promise. Rock on! Cav

read my thread bellow from Nov to see how messed up i was. Your post reminded me of mine.. Now im pretty indifferent and dating and hardly thinking of ex.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/357332-friggin-fed-up-sick-tired-recovery

April 12, 2013

Sorry bro. I was were you were just a months ago. I does get better. Time is so slow early on and it seems never ending. Youll get there. I know it doesnt mean much but just keep going. That is all you can do. Eventually the fog of the BU lifts and you will be able to breath again. Promise. Rock on! Cav

read my thread bellow from Nov to see how messed up i was. Your post reminded me of mine.. Now im pretty indifferent and dating and hardly thinking of ex.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/357332-friggin-fed-up-sick-tired-recovery

Amazing!! Simply amazing. I read this old post and the screen names are different but it's the same story. I look at the dates, and I remember, s**t, I was still happily with my ex when these poor bastards were where I am now. Does provide some comfort to know that it does get better! Thanks for sticking around LS to make sure us currently decimated schleps understand that! It helps!!!

April 12, 2013

cav i always appreciate the time you take to read/respond to my stuff. If you dont mind me asking..can you briefly tell me your age (atleast a range) and your situation. Was she your first major gf or one of a few? What were some things you did mentally to cope with the loss of the relationship? And did she break up with you?

Thanks for all your time.

April 12, 2013

^^ I'm interested too. I seem to relate more with people closer to my age (41, but don't look a day over 35 )...

April 12, 2013

)': WHY? why are you apart if you both loved each other? the pain you feel?

If two people love one another and it's mutual, you feel this loss from being away from her. WHY???????? why would you both torment yourselves?

YOU both should talk to each other and see if there's anything that can be salvaged. Relationships are never easy but dude if she loves you and you feel this much pain, btw you made me cry reading!! ( i know how you feel) Just tell her how you feel, literally cry in each others arms and kiss all the pain away. Hold each other for as long as it takes.. I say there is no pain that can not be mended, What you feel now is literally because you were madly in love. That type of love doesn't come around too often.

April 12, 2013

Your messages are always so raw and yet I think we all relate to the pain. Thank you for being so candid. *Hug* for you sweetheart. Here's to hoping you get real relief, and heal properly. At least we're all survivors of heartbreak...

April 12, 2013

)': WHY? why are you apart if you both loved each other? the pain you feel?
If two people love one another and it's mutual, you feel this loss from being away from her. WHY???????? why would you both torment yourselves?
YOU both should talk to each other and see if there's anything that can be salvaged. Relationships are never easy but dude if she loves you and you feel this much pain, btw you made me cry reading!! ( i know how you feel) Just tell her how you feel, literally cry in each others arms and kiss all the pain away. Hold each other for as long as it takes.. I say there is no pain that can not be mended, What you feel now is literally because you were madly in love. That type of love doesn't come around too often.

There really is no one in my situation that is the Dumper or the dumpee..i think we are both left kind of dumped in a way. We broke up because of a number of little things- but there are just so many differences between us (i am very focused on school, she isnt, i lost my virgnity to her, i was her fourth sexual partner, her friends are druggie types, mine are driven and focused, etc.) i know that makes her sound bad, which i dont mean to do because she is a LOVELY girl with (like i always told her) a heart of gold.

But she pushed me away in the end ultimately. She ignored me and ultimately told me she "needed time and space". So for my own self respect I just cant initiate anything. Cant do it. Wont do it. I will continue to suffer perhaps, but with my pride I shall suffer.

And its interesting, one of the things of NC is that you cant help but think about things in the relationship. She had lied to me early on about a few things..and looking back i bet there was more she lied about. Three days after we started NC i saw on her fb that she was recently new friends with her old ex..and he even mentioned her in a comment about some photo. She replied, and it wasnt bad, but it was enough to really sting, made me question her honestly about not having been in touch with her ex while we were together, and made me quite sad. I blocked her since then, and have not even considered unblocking her since.

I. wish. things. were. easier. i do. but one has to protect themselves. I never understood what people meant when they said that until i had my heart broken.

April 12, 2013

Your messages are always so raw and yet I think we all relate to the pain. Thank you for being so candid. *Hug* for you sweetheart. Here's to hoping you get real relief, and heal properly. At least we're all survivors of heartbreak...

When the heart breaks, it wets the Earth,

Shattered and bruised,

You question your worth.

You question this world, as you try and move on,

A face of happiness you wear,

Tho, tis the face of a con.

For while ones dreams shatter, you grow pregnant with pain,

At least you know,

That sunshine must always follow the rain.

A distant memory can haunt the present,

Dont you know?

Even a King can become a peasant.

So if I laugh, I laugh with time,

And if I cry,

My tears are no crime.

For one must try to EXPERIENCE the world,

The reds, the pinks, the ocean blues,

With an open mind, and masts unfurled.

April 12, 2013

I am the dumpee and everything you wrote fits my feelings EXACTLY. However, it's only been a few days, so I'm not even close to ok, and doubt that I would be after 3 months anyway. Good luck.

April 12, 2013

I am the dumpee and everything you wrote fits my feelings EXACTLY. However, it's only been a few days, so I'm not even close to ok, and doubt that I would be after 3 months anyway. Good luck.

Today marks day 80 for me..and yea man still struggle every day but its true what people say: you got to look at a break up as a rare opportunity to better yourself. Its really true..you have the possibility here to grow stronger than you thought possible. Its crazy

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