Dudesmobile Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 SO question. I have a girlfriend and my girl has tons of friends which i dont mind at all. She hangs out with me more then any of them but i only have a small group of friends about 5 that i normally do things with and its not that often. She hangs out with me almost everyday but on some nights she doesnt she goes out with her friends. I dont mind at all. I was very in-secure about her going to clubs with her girlfriends until i went to one with my friends and experienced it. Now i am not in-secure. The only thing i worry about is her thinking I'm a loser for not having plans when she goes out with her friends and does things. She says she likes me for me because i am the only guy who likes her for her. I know about her past relationships already. I am not trying to keep her for myself, I just dont want her to break up with me cuz im playing video games instead of hanging out with people when she goes out. Do girls always like guys who are more loyal to them in terms of their time? I know most girls like their man to have friends which i do, but i dont hangout with them all the time. I've asked her on several occasions if I can go out with her and her girlfriends and she said she will let me know when i can go out with them. Which is fine. There are no other guys in the picture as we hangout almost everyday and we made a promise to each other to be really honest at the start about our relationship. She told me shes been hurt before and doesnt want to be hurt again.
chex Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 It looks like she's fine with how your social life is, different but equal.
mortensorchid Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 If you are fine with it, and she is fine with it, what is the problem? Unfortunately for me, I have seemed to have attracted a lot of loners in my lifetime. I have lots of friends and aquaintances, I almost literally cannot go ANYWHERE in town without running into someone I know. Although they would never admit it, I have had guys I've dated in the past tell me that they felt intimidated or uncomfortable by this fact. I'm just a chatty, social person. Quite honestly, I think they are kind of jealous. But if that's what your set up is, hopefully this will not be an issue in the future.
Author Dudesmobile Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 If you are fine with it, and she is fine with it, what is the problem? Unfortunately for me, I have seemed to have attracted a lot of loners in my lifetime. I have lots of friends and aquaintances, I almost literally cannot go ANYWHERE in town without running into someone I know. Although they would never admit it, I have had guys I've dated in the past tell me that they felt intimidated or uncomfortable by this fact. I'm just a chatty, social person. Quite honestly, I think they are kind of jealous. But if that's what your set up is, hopefully this will not be an issue in the future. I'm trying to get to be more social and I want to meet more friends through her and have her meet my friends in the near future. I am not a loner and always try and do stuff with the 5 friends I got but sometimes they are not always available as her friends are/seem to be. This is the last hurdle I need to get over and be comfortable with. I really don't want to be a loner but i have a hard time meeting people. I try and get out there but its hard sometimes.
AD1980 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Five close friends? thats a pretty decent amount especially by the time you get older and people have famillies and different priorities.. If you had no freinds that might be a red flag but 5 is normal not every person has to be an uttra popular social butterfly
meghann8 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 She's an extrovert and you're an introvert. There is nothing wrong with that combo. Actually, I've read (MBTI personality relationships) that that is a pretty great combo. You enjoy time to yourself when you're not hanging out with her and she enjoys spending time with her friends. I understand the concern because the guy I'm interested in/just started dating has a huge social life and I just have a select few friends. I feel weird about it because I don't know if he's okay with that or not (haven't gotten that far yet in the dating process), but it sounds like your girlfriend is fine with you living a more tranquil life. If you're comfortable and she's comfortable, then there's nothing to worry about.
Giraffe1 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 SO question. I have a girlfriend and my girl has tons of friends which i dont mind at all. She hangs out with me more then any of them but i only have a small group of friends about 5 that i normally do things with and its not that often. She hangs out with me almost everyday but on some nights she doesnt she goes out with her friends. I dont mind at all. I was very in-secure about her going to clubs with her girlfriends until i went to one with my friends and experienced it. Now i am not in-secure. The only thing i worry about is her thinking I'm a loser for not having plans when she goes out with her friends and does things. She says she likes me for me because i am the only guy who likes her for her. I know about her past relationships already. I am not trying to keep her for myself, I just dont want her to break up with me cuz im playing video games instead of hanging out with people when she goes out. Do girls always like guys who are more loyal to them in terms of their time? I know most girls like their man to have friends which i do, but i dont hangout with them all the time. I've asked her on several occasions if I can go out with her and her girlfriends and she said she will let me know when i can go out with them. Which is fine. There are no other guys in the picture as we hangout almost everyday and we made a promise to each other to be really honest at the start about our relationship. She told me shes been hurt before and doesnt want to be hurt again. It's not a big deal that you don't have many friends. That saves more time for her! I think it's all in your head. 1
Noproblem Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 5 friends Too much o_o Anyway...It's not a problem at all! 1
Estate Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 SO question. I have a girlfriend and my girl has tons of friends which i dont mind at all. She hangs out with me more then any of them but i only have a small group of friends about 5 that i normally do things with and its not that often. She hangs out with me almost everyday but on some nights she doesnt she goes out with her friends. I dont mind at all. I was very in-secure about her going to clubs with her girlfriends until i went to one with my friends and experienced it. Now i am not in-secure. The only thing i worry about is her thinking I'm a loser for not having plans when she goes out with her friends and does things. She says she likes me for me because i am the only guy who likes her for her. I know about her past relationships already. I am not trying to keep her for myself, I just dont want her to break up with me cuz im playing video games instead of hanging out with people when she goes out. Do girls always like guys who are more loyal to them in terms of their time? I know most girls like their man to have friends which i do, but i dont hangout with them all the time. I've asked her on several occasions if I can go out with her and her girlfriends and she said she will let me know when i can go out with them. Which is fine. There are no other guys in the picture as we hangout almost everyday and we made a promise to each other to be really honest at the start about our relationship. She told me shes been hurt before and doesnt want to be hurt again. Just make yourself "busy"... you don't have to be going to a club when she is but maybe you have plans to go somewhere, a work on your car, or be at the gym... ... anything! It's not bad to not have tons of friends, but I'd be lying if I said SOME girls wouldn't be turned off by it. But it's not the lack of friends that makes people question things... it's more, lack of interest, lack of hobbies, lack of social interaction. If a guy has no friends and just stays in playing video games all night then it's not going to be terribly attractive... but even if he doesn't have a million party friends, if he comes across active and interesting in his own right and like he has plenty going on then there is no problem. Just make sure you're not making it appear like you are sitting around waiting for her while she's at the club... make yourself busy so she knows you have other things going on in your life. 2
ScreamingTrees Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Hope not, or else I'm screwed. I've had good long-term friendships but my friends have a habit of devolving over time into users and thoughtless selfish asshats that I've cut out of my life.. I've also always been pretty reserved and content with that, I only need a few good friends and one woman in my life to be happy, I'm more of a quality over quantity kind of guy.
Sivok Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 From my experience, people desire one of the following options in their partner: 1)Someone to go out with 2)Someone to come home to 3)Both It sounds like your relationship leans towards the second point, and that's not something to worry about. One of my good friends and coworkers is super chatty and social, but her husband is an introverted artist. She liked him because of his mystery and depth - the opposite of her; she was fascinated by him since he doesn't find interacting with alot of people to be that much of a priority, while she can't live without it. He was fascinated by her too for that exact opposite reason, and they work well together. Don't doubt what you have because of social dynamics, as it's actually very common.
Leigh 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 This is ridiculous. Although a small minority of people do value men who have a large group of friends with diverse types of people in them! And a social butterfly may have issues with a guy who is a loner and is not much into other people. Besides his girlfriend. For the most part though: NO! If a guy or girl is interested in someone, their lack of friends will not bother them unless it is extreme, and one person values extroverts who are more social. When your interested in someone, nothing really deters either sex, besides really bad things, like past cheating, a player reputation, a bad reputation with more than one person, and the like. As long as you treat others with respect and have 1 or 2 friends, and you can interact with her friends occasionally, I doubt she would care! I had no friends when I met my boyfriend, really. He found it different, but you know, he spend most of his time with me anyways! I now have more people in my life and I love being around people and I want more friends, and while he encourages and advocates me in making new friends, he is not obsessive about it. It is not a turn off to him, the fact I am not "out with the girls" every weekend, as many girls call it. I just love my own company enough to not need others around me, in spite of the fact that I also LOVE being around other people!!! Nothing sounds off in this scenario. My boyfriend is off playing poker with his mates; I am home along, exercising and doing Uni work. Big deal right?
january2011 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I wouldn't want to be with someone who had a very active social life and therefore would have very little time to spend on the relationship. Equally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't have any friends - acquaintances count - but no friends, at all? That might be worrying. Unless your girlfriend has said that this is a problem for her, then I wouldn't worry about it. If you feel that you shouldn't be relaxing/winding down from work in the evenings when she is socialising, pick up a hobby or two, a sport or an adult education class so that you are doing something. 1
SoonMyFriend Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I don't think you have anything to worry about here. You're overthinking this. From my perspective I don't see this as a problem. I don't mind if a guy doesn't have a huge social circle, at the end of the what would turn me off is if this guy constantly NEEDS to be around me and constantly NEEDS to be involved in my life. For instance- I once dated a guy who always needed to be around me. He'd always want to come out with me and my friends, always expected me to spend my free time with him. It was smothering. He basically abandoned his friends and expected me to do the same. I need a bit of a breather every now and then and sometimes you just need a night out with the girls! Your scenario does not sound like that. She just has a bigger social circle. Like others have said - pick up a hobby if you want to fill your free time a bit more, but at the end of the day it doesn't sound like a problem. 5 friends is a pretty good social circle.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Not at all, I would like it more. The guy I recently dated had a ton of friends from HS and college and it meant he never had time for me, he would go out with them and then would hang out with me super late when he was all tired and ****. It was annoying.
Joaquin Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 (edited) I was once sitting in a takeaway and over heard girls, prob aged about 16 or 17, using Facebook and his Facebook "friends" to help decide whether a guy was worth going out with. It was quite funny but hey, they're kids. In the real world of adults it doesn't happen like that, unless of course the girl is into the who you know crap. Which could happen with some I suppose. Someone above said that if you've a few mates and can hold a normal convo with her mates, your OK. That would be my take. In my experience once guys leave college and start working they don't usually have heaps of mates on call as people all move around, change jobs, cities, get married etc. If I still had the amount of mates available to go out with that I had in college I would probably be an alco in the pub every night. Edited April 12, 2013 by Joaquin
Els Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 5 sounds just about right to me. I really much prefer guys on the introverted side - not interested in extroverts who have huge social circles and just want to be social all the time.
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