emily_t Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) Ok, I have decided to let go of all hope. Free falling and scared s...less! No more trying to talk things through, no more desperate trying-to-make-him-understand-sessions, no more trying to seem happy / unaffected / cool / calm. No more obsessing over what will make him happy or worrying whether I can trust him again. I can let go of the fear that he'll hurt me again or leave me for someone else. From now on it's just me and myself. This means I have to accept him being with someone else. I can't stop it, it's beyond my control. Just the thought of it makes me sick, though. I thought this was forever and I can't believe what happened. This decision will probably be forgotten the moment I read the text he just sent me. The hope and the "trying" will kick in again, like some kind of OCD-autopilot. I have to remember this, every morning when I wake up: I am not hoping anymore, I am not waiting for him, I have set him free and he is no longer a part of my life. I have to force myself to concentrate on my own life, not wonder what he is doing or imagine him hooking up with other women. Can I really do this? Edited April 11, 2013 by emily_t 4
Echo000 Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Ok, I have decided to let go of all hope. Free falling and scared s...less! No more trying to talk things through, no more desperate trying-to-make-him-understand-sessions, no more trying to seem happy / unaffected / cool / calm. No more obsessing over what will make him happy or worrying whether I can trust him again. I can let go of the fear that he'll hurt me again or leave me for someone else. From now on it's just me and myself. This means I have to accept him being with someone else. I can't stop it, it's beyond my control. Just the thought of it makes me sick, though. I thought this was forever and I can't believe what happened. This decision will probably be forgotten the moment I read the text he just sent me. The hope and the "trying" will kick in again, like some kind of OCD-autopilot. I have to remember this, every morning when I wake up: I am not hoping anymore, I am not waiting for him, I have set him free and he is no longer a part of my life. I have to force myself to concentrate on my own life, not wonder what he is doing or imagine him hooking up with other women. Can I really do this? Ya you can do it..takes strength though. Because you will feel a world of emotions about it for a very long time. Before, i suppose, you reach that zone of indifference. Been almost three months for me, and I still think about her EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. F**k 2
McGriff Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Yes! Yes you can! I love to see people taking back control...it gives me strength in my own pursuits. Good for you!
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Ahhh. Perfect timing for the list I just made myself. Helps me to read it when I get overwhelmed with emotion... Nothing super insightful, but I like it · DO NOT put him/her on a pedestal. · REMEMBER, he/she is human complete with flaws. · REMEMBER, there were multiple things about him/her and the relationship you were unhappy with. · REMEMBER, your wants and needs were of little concern to him/her. · DO NOT look backwards. Instead Look Forwards. · DO NOT dwell on the past. · DO NOT think about him/her. Think about YOU. · DO NOT assume things you don't know about. · DO NOT fabricate scenarios. · Be kind to yourself. This is NOT all your fault. You did the best you could. · Understand your role in this situation. · Forgive yourself. · Forgive him/her. · Learn from this experience. This is an opportunity to improve your life! It really is!!! · Recovery is not a race. Do so at YOUR pace. · You WILL feel better. · You WILL be happy & excited about the future. · You WILL find someone. · You WILL have grown stronger & wiser from this experience. 5
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Ya you can do it..takes strength though. Because you will feel a world of emotions about it for a very long time. Before, i suppose, you reach that zone of indifference. Been almost three months for me, and I still think about her EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. F**k ^^ Yup, I agree. It's a bunch of Sucky McSuckerson!!!
Echo000 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Ahhh. Perfect timing for the list I just made myself. Helps me to read it when I get overwhelmed with emotion... Nothing super insightful, but I like it · DO NOT put him/her on a pedestal. · REMEMBER, he/she is human complete with flaws. · REMEMBER, there were multiple things about him/her and the relationship you were unhappy with. · REMEMBER, your wants and needs were of little concern to him/her. · DO NOT look backwards. Instead Look Forwards. · DO NOT dwell on the past. · DO NOT think about him/her. Think about YOU. · DO NOT assume things you don't know about. · DO NOT fabricate scenarios. · Be kind to yourself. This is NOT all your fault. You did the best you could. · Understand your role in this situation. · Forgive yourself. · Forgive him/her. · Learn from this experience. This is an opportunity to improve your life! It really is!!! · Recovery is not a race. Do so at YOUR pace. · You WILL feel better. · You WILL be happy & excited about the future. · You WILL find someone. · You WILL have grown stronger & wiser from this experience. excellent list man..really is. I copied it and saved it onto a word doc..good stuff. mature outlook
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Damn! Everything Mountainbiker said! Yes you sure as hell can do it!
Author emily_t Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 Aaaand that lasted for exactly one day... Trying again!
Kaiten Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 One thing i have to say is dont rush yourself. I broke up with my ex and tried to rush and do all i could to hasten the healing. It is futile. The truth is, its going to hurt some days, then some days it wont hurt at all, then some days itll kill ya and its just sporadic. Its all over the place. It will be a long time before you'll say you dont love him anymore. But dont add to your own frustration by hating the fact that you cant get over him as fast as you like. 1
Kaiten Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 The only thing you will really have to stick it out on is the NC. Everything else, just remember that you are a real girl with real emotions. Dont set yourself up with these high and lofty ideas that if you come up with a "strict healing regimen" that everything will be all right. Its just setting yourself up. Sometimes you ARE going to think about it. And you ARE going to miss it. Why expend mental energy trying to fight thoughts that are just too powerful? As they say "You cant fight a thought with a thought" 1
Author emily_t Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 The only thing you will really have to stick it out on is the NC. Everything else, just remember that you are a real girl with real emotions. Dont set yourself up with these high and lofty ideas that if you come up with a "strict healing regimen" that everything will be all right. Its just setting yourself up. Sometimes you ARE going to think about it. And you ARE going to miss it. Why expend mental energy trying to fight thoughts that are just too powerful? As they say "You cant fight a thought with a thought" and what when I feel ugly and disgusting, comparing myself to the OW?
blindhope Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 You got this! There will be tough times and set backs and you realize that. Some days will be good and some really tough, but in the end you will be better off. And each day that goes by you'll accept it just a little more. Best wishes to you!
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