TheBigQuestion Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I seriously can't be the only guy who has questioned the meaning of life after seeing a totally hot babe dating a loser slob. Am I really the only one who has seen this? My first girlfriend broke up with me and ended up dating a guy that looks like an overgrown, skinny fetus. One of the girls I subsequently dated for a short time (who messed with my head pretty bad and was what brought me back to LS after a hiatus from 2007-09) ended up in a long term relationship with one of my friends. Nice guy but his face literally looks like a melted candle. I've not only seen it. I've lived it. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 If one was to accept their limitations, what does this entail? Just living life and not caring about the rejections that follow, even if that is all that they experience? I can try that, but I don't know how long it'll actually last for before I just give up altogether and focus on other things. it means owning up to what your limitations are and working to make them less limiting, and at the same time realizing there is a limit to how much you can change. For example if you have a smart ass personality, own up to it, and realize it can severely limit your dating options. The work on being less of a smart ass. 2
AD1980 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I was going to say something I thought would be profound in order to uplift. But I actually can't be bothered anymore for the first time. Good luck though, all you guys. aww cmon TW lets hear it!
ScreamingTrees Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 it means owning up to what your limitations are and working to make them less limiting, and at the same time realizing there is a limit to how much you can change. For example if you have a smart ass personality, own up to it, and realize it can severely limit your dating options. The work on being less of a smart ass. Ok. I'm NOT going to say that I myself necessarily have crippling limitations dwarfing those of your average joe's.. But if someone really did have such a limitation, where there is little that they can do.. ? Is it just a matter of perseverance in that case? Maybe I could keep that in mind when I'm reluctant to take a risk..
Lonely Ronin Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 But if someone really did have such a limitation, where there is little that they can do.. ? Is it just a matter of perseverance in that case? everyone has multiple area they can improve in. If you are maxed out in one are pick another one to work on. Only thing with your example is that women tend to like smart asses (I know this because I am one ). Some do, some don't, but most women are in the middle. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Castle, dude....you should see my ex-W. Gorgeous, gorgeous girl. The guy she's dating? Total schlub...frumpy, boring personality, bald. But here's what I've realized.... My XW is one of the most insecure people I have ever known in my life, and in almost 14 years, I was never able to figure out where that came from. But it tortured her in so many ways while we were together, especially since I always got attention from women. Well, it really sort of destroyed our marriage. Then, sh*t fell apart, hard Well, after being separated for 2 years, she starts seeing this guy, and when I saw him, I was like 'Huh?'. But here's what I figured out: this guy is a total safe play for her. She got hurt so badly when our marriage ended, and there is no way she is going to ever put herself in a position to be hurt again. She has said as much. So, instead of taking a chance and swinging at a pitch, she bunts. This guy would NEVER hurt her, never challenge her and certainly never leave her. She can be her normal controlling self with no threat of reprecussion. She can be in a relationship and not give a single thing (as was the case in our relationship) and get away with it. No girl is ever going to steal him away from her. She can have total security. And let's face it...she had 3 kids with me, so she already had offspring with the desirable genotype/phenotype. Now she can just spend the rest of her life not being insecure or challenged. As we all know, some of the most insecure people are the beautiful girls. When I see one with a guy like that, I often conclude that even though the guy may have an awesome personality, the real reason she's with him is because he's safe. This is true. I also tend to date safe guys :/
TouchedByViolet Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 This thread is whack. The entire thread can be summarized as "be yourself". What kind of lame advice is that. Just saying. A person's desirability is determined by looks and personality. BOTH play an invaluable part. It is difficult to quantify these things though since they contain objective and subjective parts. I've met successful people from all physical types, they all had one thing in common--they accepted themselves. The ones who have been unsuccessful, whether they were unattractive or could pass as a model, have all lacked confidence and acceptance. Successful people generally accept themselves because they are achieving what is important to them. Most people (regardless of dating life success) have all sorts of emotional problems. The most successful people I know in dating have had a laundry list of issues and personal acceptance is one of them. As Charlie Sheen said Winning! That's all that matters.
ThaWholigan Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 See Castle, this positive sh*t doesn't work. That's why if I ever wade back into this particular area of dating, my next thread on the matter will simply be titled "Stop being a whiny bitch and get over it" 4
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Changing your thoughts, even if forced, does WONDERS for you. Six months ago I had this epiphany where I was going to just change my thoughts. Everything was going to be positive. Criticisms were going to be taken in the best possible light as meant to help me improve myself, compliments were meant sincerely and enthusiastically, etc. When I switched that toggle, even though I had to fake it at first, my emotions started changing drastically, and then my actions started changing. I can't even express how happy I am now. I'm almost always bubbly and laughing, even though I have very strong boundaries and don't put up with certain things, and I don't really question things. I feel amazing about myself, and I haven't accomplished anything new. Nothing external has changed with me. JUST my thoughts. Every negative thought turned into a positive one, and now it's a lot easier to keep going. The result is that I get a LOT of attention from others, and...it doesn't matter anymore. I have more fun with myself than I do with anyone else in the world. First step is self acceptance. But if you can skip ahead to just being totally in love with yourself, and not in a way that makes you mistreat others, even better. 5
Jethro Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 "The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts"
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I want to expound on my last post a bit. Previous me: Boss would ask me to come into her office. I would worry and starting wondering what I had done wrong, and quickly self-examine every interaction I had had with anyone previously, wondering if I had said something to piss someone off. Current me: Boss asks me to come into her office. My first thought is, "Oh cool, she must have heard how I did xyz for this person, and they must have told her how awesome I am."
Jethro Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I have more fun with myself than I do with anyone else in the world. There ya go, perfect!
Woggle Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Castle, dude....you should see my ex-W. Gorgeous, gorgeous girl. The guy she's dating? Total schlub...frumpy, boring personality, bald. But here's what I've realized.... My XW is one of the most insecure people I have ever known in my life, and in almost 14 years, I was never able to figure out where that came from. But it tortured her in so many ways while we were together, especially since I always got attention from women. Well, it really sort of destroyed our marriage. Then, sh*t fell apart, hard Well, after being separated for 2 years, she starts seeing this guy, and when I saw him, I was like 'Huh?'. But here's what I figured out: this guy is a total safe play for her. She got hurt so badly when our marriage ended, and there is no way she is going to ever put herself in a position to be hurt again. She has said as much. So, instead of taking a chance and swinging at a pitch, she bunts. This guy would NEVER hurt her, never challenge her and certainly never leave her. She can be her normal controlling self with no threat of reprecussion. She can be in a relationship and not give a single thing (as was the case in our relationship) and get away with it. No girl is ever going to steal him away from her. She can have total security. And let's face it...she had 3 kids with me, so she already had offspring with the desirable genotype/phenotype. Now she can just spend the rest of her life not being insecure or challenged. As we all know, some of the most insecure people are the beautiful girls. When I see one with a guy like that, I often conclude that even though the guy may have an awesome personality, the real reason she's with him is because he's safe. Some people like feeling safe in a relationship. I know I do but not because my wife can't get other men because believe she can have her pick but because I am married to a trustworthy woman. I don't know why your ex dates who she dates but people have their reasons.
Pompeii Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Castle, dude....you should see my ex-W. Gorgeous, gorgeous girl. The guy she's dating? Total schlub...frumpy, boring personality, bald. But here's what I've realized.... My XW is one of the most insecure people I have ever known in my life, and in almost 14 years, I was never able to figure out where that came from. But it tortured her in so many ways while we were together, especially since I always got attention from women. Well, it really sort of destroyed our marriage. Then, sh*t fell apart, hard Well, after being separated for 2 years, she starts seeing this guy, and when I saw him, I was like 'Huh?'. But here's what I figured out: this guy is a total safe play for her. She got hurt so badly when our marriage ended, and there is no way she is going to ever put herself in a position to be hurt again. She has said as much. So, instead of taking a chance and swinging at a pitch, she bunts. This guy would NEVER hurt her, never challenge her and certainly never leave her. She can be her normal controlling self with no threat of reprecussion. She can be in a relationship and not give a single thing (as was the case in our relationship) and get away with it. No girl is ever going to steal him away from her. She can have total security. And let's face it...she had 3 kids with me, so she already had offspring with the desirable genotype/phenotype. Now she can just spend the rest of her life not being insecure or challenged. As we all know, some of the most insecure people are the beautiful girls. When I see one with a guy like that, I often conclude that even though the guy may have an awesome personality, the real reason she's with him is because he's safe. My friend was telling me that women want children from the "alpha males" and security from the "beta males". I don't know how true this is, but given the change in women's preferences at a later age, it seems plausible... and I don't chalk it up to having more "experience" either.
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