Seeing the EX on a dating site

[Compromize]

Curious to hear if anyone has seen their ex on a dating site post BU? I have been lurking on a couple sites to see what is out there, and shamefully checking for my ex to pop up.

I believe that I have found her. No picture (yet) but the name, profile, age, location, everything makes my believe in my gut that it is her. It was like a blow to the stomach. Even though I am not 100 percent sure that it IS her, I feel it is. I guess I am just feeling it that she REALLY didn't/doesn't want to be with me and is out there looking for my replacement.

 

It sucks, thought I was farther along and this has affected me. Anyone else go through this or is going through it? Some advice/stories would be appreciated.

Edited April 11, 2013 by Compromize

[TearyEyedPride]

Honestly, it's not that farfetched. A couple of days after I broke up my friend had me join a dating site. She said just keeping the company of someone else kills the loneliness factor some although it isn't a cure for actually missing the person. She was right too. It boosts confidence because you know people are interested in you, you get to talk to a lot of different people as well. It kills that idle time. Of course I feel like to get to that point you have to really have no hope for getting back together, and have no guilt for moving on and trying to start over.

[steveT95]

Okay, going to do this TaraMaiden style...

 

Stop. It hurts you. Don't look at it. You are only holding yourself back. These feelings that it makes you feel? She isn't feeling them. You are putting yourself through this with no real justification, so don't.

 

Sign up yourself and meet someone if you don't like her doing it

[Noma]

I joined a site and am in NO way ready for it. I don't want to lead people on either. But it is a distraction for me right now. Who knows why? Just curious. I'm sure it's just as hard for her to fill her time.

[henrea4]

I looked up my soon-to-be ex-wife on one of those look up site thing-a-ma-jigs....my soon-to-be ex-wife who told me she just wanted to be alone and she wouldn't be looking for another man for at least 4 years...is apparently a member of 3 dating sites. I don't know how long she has been a member of these, but I knew she was full of crap. She once told me that she would rather die than be alone again.

[cdt76]

Yeah, I joined a site and then looked to see who was checking me out and my ex did. She looked terrible and actually made me feel sorry for her. Like if she stayed with me I could have kept her from tearing herself up. Why she would look I have no idea, she knows what I look like. It pissed me off and I still wonder if she thinks about me. But yea, it's a b$tch to get over.

[Renard99]

I saw my ex on a dating site but not the way I thought I would!

 

I joined a normal dating site about 6 months after the break up. I didn't know it at the time but that site also ran an 'adult' dating site for hook ups, one night stands and no strings attached sex. After about a month of not having any luck on the normal site I got an email from the site saying 'being as you've been lonely for a while, fancy trying our adult dating? Here are a few women in your area looking to hook up'..... and.... you've guessed it, my ex was there.

 

I don't know why I did but I clicked on her profile and there she was, in various photos posing naked or in lingerie. She'd written about all the 'naughty' things she likes to do for guys if they they want to hook up with her.

 

I didn't feel bad for looking really. It made me feel a little confused, mainly because when it came to the bedroom she was always the shy, boring and a little squeamish type. Mainly, I actually felt a little bit disgusted by it really.

[Compromize]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Compromize

I guess I am just feeling it that she REALLY didn't/doesn't want to be with me and is out there looking for my replacement.

She broke up and didn't do that because she wanted to be with you.

 

Probably way too soon for either one of you to be dating but in today's world...

 

Before being dumped or 5 seconds afterwards create / activate dating profile and USE other people so you can avoid dealing with the feelings, emotions, etc. of a break up.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Compromize

Anyone else go through this or is going through it?

Going and looking at / for an Ex via Facebook, Dating Sites, etc. is going to get you the results you desire... Pain, disappointment, hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, sorrow, etc.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Compromize

Some advice/stories would be appreciated.

1. Accept that the break up is a break up and it's over.

 

2. Stop stalking your Ex.

 

3. Take the time to Heal.

 

4. Once healed, get back out there.

 

All of this is truth. I know it hurts. I need to stop and I was doing so good (I thought) until I this. I don't even know for sure it's her is the messed up part. Maybe, maybe not.

 

Okay, going to do this TaraMaiden style...

 

Stop. It hurts you. Don't look at it. You are only holding yourself back. These feelings that it makes you feel? She isn't feeling them. You are putting yourself through this with no real justification, so don't.

 

Sign up yourself and meet someone if you don't like her doing it

 

I actually did join the site that I "allegedly" saw her on but my profile is hidden, so she can't see me. I thought I was ready and actually went out on a date last night. She is a cool girl with lots to offer and it seems she really likes me but all I see at this point is this girl is not my ex. My ex did something to me that no other woman ever has and I don't want to hurt this womans feelings but I am not ready.

 

Damn it I told myself that I wasn't going to date until I was truly ready but it sounded like a good idea and she was the one after me for the date. Ugh.

 

I have been in this exact place before. I am better off alone.

[Compromize]

Did a stupid thing today. Unhid the profile that I created and basically called her out when I saw her profile was online. Here is what I said in my profile, did not message her directly, just put this in the body of my profile, (and I have no picture either):

 

I know you are out there. Looking for someone vibrant and driven, with passion to enjoy an evening here and there together. Not looking for a relationship or anything serious. Must be physical only then. Moving forward and forgetting about the past when you had all this you seek but would not accept it. I feel you out there. For me the memory is not so easy to erase. You haunt me still but I am trying to forget you. Enjoy the attention I know you draw.

 

My suspicions were confirmed. Her profile is now either deleted, hidden or she blocked mine. But I wasn't done yet. I then added this:

 

I knew it was you. I guess that's all I ever really was to you. Someone to fuc@ when you had the time. You used me. I Loved you too much, you even told me that I picked the wrong woman and I didn't listen. There will come a day when you regret telling me goodbye. Or maybe not. I am trying not to care anymore. I hate the fact I can't go one minute without thinking about you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I knew I would end up here. Still wanting someone who wouldn't have ever really been mine anyway. Loving me from afar. What a bunch of ****. I wish the next guy that falls for you better luck than I had. I still want you to be happy. I will be someday like I was with you.

 

What a fool I was for holding onto this hope that I would spend my life with you, actually together. Today I let my hope die. I truly, deeply, honestly loved you and would have been faithful to you and happy with you for the rest of my life. Remember that.

 

This breaks NC I guess. Did not contact her directly, just put it out there in a place that I was pretty sure she was frequenting. The fact that the profile that I suspected was her is now gone basically confirms what my gut told me, which also now makes me feel like all the other times my gut was telling me things during the relationship that it was probably right. Now I just want to puke. I'm shaking with feelings, so many that I don't exactly know what I am feeling.

 

I knew we were done in my head, but my heart still beats for her, the stupid fuc@ing thing. I'm done. I have to let go now really really let go and kill the memory of her. I threw out everything from her. Got rid of sheets, bedding, clothes she bought me, every fuc@ing thing I could see that had her imprint on it in some way. Damn I feel like such a fool for ever letting her in.

 

This is day 1 of moving on, truly moving on. I would have taken her back, actually believed her when she said she would love me from afar. Today I just want the memory of her gone from my mind. Want to forget all about her. She was never who I though she was anyway. I feel like I wasted good years of my life with her, waiting for our relationship to become more than what it was. I was just a piece of a$$ to her, a glorified fu@k buddy. Used and thrown away. What a dumba$$ I was.

[AKisBaked]

Yes I have seen my ex on a dating site.. Actually TWICE I was pretty ticked off the first time because my friend actually linked me, and said to me I think your gf is on a dating site... ( at the time when we were still going out...) I confronted her and asked what is up with that.. and she said it was just a joke that her Brother in law did on her....

 

The second time was after we had broken up... and I decided to do some research on her username to see how much other social media accounts she would have.. because she was sneaky and never let me know who she was talking to and barely ever shared or exposed me on her FB... So I found out she was on OKcupid.... and when I checked her profile she was constantly on it for almost 6 months!! She was on it while we were still together... So that was a total slap in the face, and I felt so betrayed that she would do such a thing...

 

What's worse is when your broken up and you dig up evidence or you find old things that you never knew about during when you were in a relationship... Makes you think how much more things is she hiding?

 

But its over now. And I'm happy that I am not with this bi tch anymore

[portableversion]

.

 

I knew we were done in my head, but my heart still beats for her, the stupid fuc@ing thing. I'm done. I have to let go now really really let go and kill the memory of her. I threw out everything from her. Got rid of sheets, bedding, clothes she bought me, every fuc@ing thing I could see that had her imprint on it in some way. Damn I feel like such a fool for ever letting her in.

 

This is day 1 of moving on, truly moving on. I would have taken her back, actually believed her when she said she would love me from afar. Today I just want the memory of her gone from my mind. Want to forget all about her. She was never who I though she was anyway. I feel like I wasted good years of my life with her, waiting for our relationship to become more than what it was. I was just a piece of a$$ to her, a glorified fu@k buddy. Used and thrown away. What a dumba$$ I was.

 

Yeah this is precisely what I had to do, I had to burn toss and return stuff. I sold wedding ring burned wedding foto love letters, a pic or 2 of us birthday cards, music that was our. I returned bowls mugs silverware, every single foto I found of us together, a few glasses a pillow and bedsheet. Threw away other dishes, waste can for the bathroom.

 

All I got left is 2 coats a few towels and some curtains, but eventually this will have to go. I felt so hurt and betrayed from divorce, I loved her with every fiber of my being, she had no desire to do the work to figure us out, it was easier to just divorce me and get involved with other man.

 

With such childish immature efforts to save our sacred relationship I determined it was time to purge. If she loved me and cared she would've tried the proper way to save our marriage, instead of just half ass bs methods of tossing me out a few times and then treating me like complete dirt when she let me back in. Which was same as behavior before she tossed me out.

 

Either way I was so forgiving and loved her very much nonetheless.

 

Also too no longer having the triggers around really help, we shared much of that stuff together for many years and I felt like I was surrounded by a grave yard. Yeah she has no intention to try to to build or get back together she just wants me a her buddy when she cant get a hold of her army bf, she like to chat with me then go to airport to sex him. I aint playing, either get serious about rebuild or leave me alone get gone, its over.

 

So sad I never cried so much in my life, I don't cry now but my life feels empty and meainingless , im just 9 months out perhaps after another 30-50 yrs ill be good to go again

 

The purge was really painful at the time but now I feel better, I gotta do the best I can to erase the 17 yrs together. It never happened.

 

Ive done everything to find the proper solutions for our demise and what I did wrong but she don't care, shes happy shes got the kids tons of money and a bf.

 

I got nothing but loneliness and heart ache and financial terror. oh well. each day done and gone is another day closer to when they are just a hazy foggy memory that hardly rears its head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am totally scarred.

[Am4Real]

It's also pretty immature. Leave your EX alone and stop the stalking...

 

 

Did a stupid thing today. Unhid the profile that I created and basically called her out when I saw her profile was online. Here is what I said in my profile, did not message her directly, just put this in the body of my profile, (and I have no picture either):

 

I know you are out there. Looking for someone vibrant and driven, with passion to enjoy an evening here and there together. Not looking for a relationship or anything serious. Must be physical only then. Moving forward and forgetting about the past when you had all this you seek but would not accept it. I feel you out there. For me the memory is not so easy to erase. You haunt me still but I am trying to forget you. Enjoy the attention I know you draw.

 

My suspicions were confirmed. Her profile is now either deleted, hidden or she blocked mine. But I wasn't done yet. I then added this:

 

I knew it was you. I guess that's all I ever really was to you. Someone to fuc@ when you had the time. You used me. I Loved you too much, you even told me that I picked the wrong woman and I didn't listen. There will come a day when you regret telling me goodbye. Or maybe not. I am trying not to care anymore. I hate the fact I can't go one minute without thinking about you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I knew I would end up here. Still wanting someone who wouldn't have ever really been mine anyway. Loving me from afar. What a bunch of ****. I wish the next guy that falls for you better luck than I had. I still want you to be happy. I will be someday like I was with you.

 

What a fool I was for holding onto this hope that I would spend my life with you, actually together. Today I let my hope die. I truly, deeply, honestly loved you and would have been faithful to you and happy with you for the rest of my life. Remember that.

 

This breaks NC I guess. Did not contact her directly, just put it out there in a place that I was pretty sure she was frequenting. The fact that the profile that I suspected was her is now gone basically confirms what my gut told me, which also now makes me feel like all the other times my gut was telling me things during the relationship that it was probably right. Now I just want to puke. I'm shaking with feelings, so many that I don't exactly know what I am feeling.

 

I knew we were done in my head, but my heart still beats for her, the stupid fuc@ing thing. I'm done. I have to let go now really really let go and kill the memory of her. I threw out everything from her. Got rid of sheets, bedding, clothes she bought me, every fuc@ing thing I could see that had her imprint on it in some way. Damn I feel like such a fool for ever letting her in.

 

This is day 1 of moving on, truly moving on. I would have taken her back, actually believed her when she said she would love me from afar. Today I just want the memory of her gone from my mind. Want to forget all about her. She was never who I though she was anyway. I feel like I wasted good years of my life with her, waiting for our relationship to become more than what it was. I was just a piece of a$$ to her, a glorified fu@k buddy. Used and thrown away. What a dumba$$ I was.

[ThatJustHappened]

Oh goodness! I hope you take that down quickly. Leave her alone!!! It sucks that she dumped you but she doesn't owe you anything. Please take that message down..you're embarrassing yourself.

[coltsfan1]

My ex is on the same dating site as me, has popped up on my profile for multiple months. Simple thing was to hide my profile and join another dating site. I have chosen to turn off the online dating and focus on the new lady I have been dating for a few months. We aren't exclusive yet but she is awesome.

 

You have to put your ex out your mind, build a life for yourself. Then you will meet someone new. It is how my last break up panned out.