sitnud Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 well today my wife and I had a huge fight... I outlined everything in a previous post about her problems and the problems that we have had... I just need some reassurance... with her history of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, infedelity, mental illness, and everything else am I still going to have an enormous fight on my hands with the two little ones? I have decided that I will fight till my last breath and no matter the cost do everything in my power to get the kids... I am hoping to work this out in mediation and not have to deal with a judge but who knows if she will allow that... I will offer her a clean break with no debt and no child support in exchange for the kids. She can see them anytime that she wants of course because she is their mom... We are a young couple and really have nothing but two cars that are paid off(in addition to one that is not) and the home furnishings... the house has no equity and neither does the car with the loan... She can have the other 2 cars and really anything else that she wants from the house as long as I get the kids. Am I being compltely naive? I don't love her anymore and just need to be away from her... that is the only way that I will ever forgive her... please shoot straight with me and tell me the way it is... My kids are my life and I simply must have them with me more than on the weekends... She tends to pawn them off on anyone that will take them and I can't bare to think of them growing up like that...
ready2moveon26 Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 I feel like we are living the same life at the same time, only different places and we're different sexes. I think my husband and your wife would make a great couple! When you describe her, I get goose bumps because that is EXACTLY how he is. I know he will do anything to hurt me so I fear that he is trying to take my daughter from me now. Although no judge will give her to him, he'll fight me until I can't take it anymore. I WILL NOT give in on this one. My daughter is my life and he could care less about his life. Good luck! It is hard. I know.
SoleMate Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 with her history of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, infedelity, mental illness, and everything else am I still going to have an enormous fight on my hands with the two little ones? It depends on your jurisdiction. Here in California, infidelity or anything else she may have done that hurt YOU will not factor into a custody decision. Only her behaviors that directly affect the children will be considered. Lawyers here tell me that only prostitution and current, serious drug use appear to be slam-dunk disqualifiers. I think your idea of mediation and "sweetening the deal" for her by relieving her of debt and child support is a good one. Good luck.
Merin Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Solemate is right on the money here. Most all states are "No fault Divorce" in other words the courts don't really care who did what to who, If people who were in divorce court could just get along and do the right thing for each other well they wouldn't be there to begin with. Regarding your little people..... unless you can PROVE in court that your wife is an alcoholic, drug addict, crack whore.... lol whatever the case may be the court will NOT take any of it into consideration of who gets custody. In fact IF you cannot PROVE that she is all these things and you go into court saying those things, then the judge is going to get pissed off and it will look like you are trying to make her out to be a bad person.... then the judge will question if you are the best parent to be the custodial parent because then it becomes a question of can you as the custodial parent still nurture a good relationship between your kids and thier mom. Courts look at which parent (in a custody battle) is more likely to do the right thing with the kids best interest at heart, and which parent is more likely to foster a close, good relationship with the non custodial parent. So with that said.... IF you've got proof that she is that bad then by all means take it into court if your wife won't agree to your being the custodial parent, secondly don't kid yourself that you will be willing to let her have them whenever she wants... I know it's so easy to say right now, but it doesn't work that way for a number of reasons.... and honestly be prepared to hear those words come back to you later IF you tell her that anyway.... that she wants to be the custodial parent but "will let you have them whenever you want" not to mention the fact that you're saying she is a mental case who has drug/alcohol problems.... the judge will be thinking ''hmmm now IF this guy really thinks his wife isn't fit to have these kids then why is he saying she can have them whenever she wants?" see what i'm saying? Personally IF it were me and my EX did all those things (drugs, alcohol, mental case) I would insist on supervised visitation.... but I can't get that because luckily for him being an idiot isn't against the law One last point I'll make here..... my Ex has our little people every other weekend, and guess what? He pawns them off on his mom to take care of all weekend because he and his girlfriend don't want them at thier house.... it sucks for my kiddos that he is like that, but the court says he is still entitled to his "parenting time" So I document every thing he does that is stupid like that, because eventually I will need it for court again I wish you well. Take care of yourself and your kiddos;)
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