watshername Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Short story: Fell inlove absolutely head over heels for this guy I mean he was my everything, we lived together and then out of the blue he leaves me and is seeing someone he was "friends" with while we were together. Completely devastated and took a long time to get over. Over it now finally and have found someone I really like. I'm so afraid because I am falling inlove with him and every single part of me wants to run away and hide because I am so afriad that he will leave me to. I read into every conversation we have an when we are together I wonder if he is being sincere when he says I'm amazing. How the hell do I stop myself and my insecurities from ruining this potentially great relationship?!
january2011 Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Open and honest communication. Recognising your triggers. Being clear with him about how you would like to feel supported when you feel the craziness rise within you. Coping strategies for how to deal with the feelings, whether it's talking them out with someone who is just going to listen, doing some physical exercise or cognitive exercises that allow you to work through the feelings. Cognitive exercises, in particular, might get you to a stage where you can just accept that you're going to have these emotions but you don't have to act on them or let them take control of you. 1
Infnitysign Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Short story: Fell inlove absolutely head over heels for this guy I mean he was my everything, we lived together and then out of the blue he leaves me and is seeing someone he was "friends" with while we were together. Completely devastated and took a long time to get over. Over it now finally and have found someone I really like. I'm so afraid because I am falling inlove with him and every single part of me wants to run away and hide because I am so afriad that he will leave me to. I read into every conversation we have an when we are together I wonder if he is being sincere when he says I'm amazing. How the hell do I stop myself and my insecurities from ruining this potentially great relationship?! Make him want you more than you want him "easy" -Value yourself more than you do him(this will draw alot of attention to you) -have ambitions(have a short or long term goal and stick to it) -have a life other than your bf(hang out with your family or friends) -Don't be needy or clingy(dont nag or ask where or when he will and all those other cliche questions) -Don't look for acceptance from him when you want or need to do something just say it out loud and go Have a plan and a strategy to make him not leave you. Make him feel the way you feel. 2
MissIndependant Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Make him want you more than you want him "easy" -Value yourself more than you do him(this will draw alot of attention to you) -have ambitions(have a short or long term goal and stick to it) -have a life other than your bf(hang out with your family or friends) -Don't be needy or clingy(dont nag or ask where or when he will and all those other cliche questions) -Don't look for acceptance from him when you want or need to do something just say it out loud and go Have a plan and a strategy to make him not leave you. Make him feel the way you feel. I think this is the best piece of advice you could receive. Pay attention to it. This action isn't about making yourself more desireable, it's about making yourself secure. All these things will end up making you a happier and more desireable person. Stick with it. Remember this " Have a life so full that the absense of romance is not even noticed, let alone missed". I've made the mistake of building my life around my partner. And what happens when they leave? The literal center of your world has gone and the rest feels like it will crumble in. Build your life around you, because you are the only constant. Love you first and foremost always.
ballycastle Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I think this is the best piece of advice you could receive. Remember this " Have a life so full that the absense of romance is not even noticed, let alone missed". I've made the mistake of building my life around my partner. And what happens when they leave? The literal center of your world has gone and the rest feels like it will crumble in. Build your life around you, because you are the only constant. Love you first and foremost always. so what is the point of relationships? if you don't even notice romance then what's the point? That advice seems like building walls around yourself to prevent hurt, but you should be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, that to me is a relationship. have a full life yes, but surely we should be advising the original poster to be honest with their new partner about their fears instead of saying their fears can be diminished by cognitive thinking. These are real fears. I fear the same too, I have been so badly hurt that the thought of even allowing someone in too frightening. I have and have always been independant but would like to know a partner is out there to support me, otherwise the world would be full of single people, lately on this forum I keep on hearing responses that are too far from reality-we seem to have to just pull our selves together or be stoic and pretend past hurt did not exist. that is not the real world. I am not saying bring it into new relationships but we all have baggage and need to be honest with new partners so they understand what might motivate our behaviours.
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