Author CryForNoOne Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 So why are you pursuing this? As of now I'm not. No contact since last night. I'm just venting. Also still reeling from the disappointment. My gig is in a couple hours and am inclined to just ignore her when she texts. I think she will. Would be even easier if she didn't... Should be a good show though. I'm usually more passionate onstage if I'm either feeling great about someone or pissed off. Wednesday I felt great. Tonight I'll be pissed off...
tbf Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 As a guess, what might be going through your mind is to reel her in for a goodbye bang.
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 As a guess, what might be going through your mind is to reel her in for a goodbye bang. Without a doubt. I've even contemplated telling my friend who messaged to pursue her as well. She JUST texted me asking where I'm playing tonight. Grrrr.....
tbf Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Without a doubt. I've even contemplated telling my friend who messaged to pursue her as well. She JUST texted me asking where I'm playing tonight. Grrrr.....If she's as good as you've portrayed, she'll read your intentions and back off. She likes control. Don't respond.
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 UPDATE - So of course I replied to her. But she texted me later saying she was stuck at work and couldn't make it. I told her I'd give her a private show sometime instead. She replies "I can't wait!" Whatever. No contact Sunday. This morning I'm very level headed about this now and decide what's the big deal why play games? Just cut to the chase and move on if she plays more games... So I tell her I'd like to see her again but do something a little more low key than our alcohol laden first two dates, like dinner and a movie. She replies "That sounds great!" But then adds "How about we go eat on (street near my place) and then walk around... You can show me where you live :)" Unless I'm a fool, I'm interpreting that as she just invited herself over to spend the night??? Wow - perhaps the notion of a revenge "f*ck" was way out of line. Why is she so sweet every time she is sober? What is it with this girl...
todreaminblue Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 UPDATE - So of course I replied to her. But she texted me later saying she was stuck at work and couldn't make it. I told her I'd give her a private show sometime instead. She replies "I can't wait!" Whatever. No contact Sunday. This morning I'm very level headed about this now and decide what's the big deal why play games? Just cut to the chase and move on if she plays more games... So I tell her I'd like to see her again but do something a little more low key than our alcohol laden first two dates, like dinner and a movie. She replies "That sounds great!" But then adds "How about we go eat on (street near my place) and then walk around... You can show me where you live :)" Unless I'm a fool, I'm interpreting that as she just invited herself over to spend the night??? Wow - perhaps the notion of a revenge "f*ck" was way out of line. Why is she so sweet every time she is sober? What is it with this girl... the drinking is a problem a lot of women use alcohol to lower inhibitions i am specifically talking about women who get extremely wasted and then seem to draw men to them......its because when they are not drinking they are reserved shy and yes sweet when they drink th ebariers are no longer there, the only problem with this abuse of alcohol comes poor choices, regrettable behavior and sexual promiscuity because they just dont care at the time....they are nearly brain dead....i say it because i have been there done that and painted the toilet bowl technicolour.....i dont drink anymore.....i find it hard to relax around men as i too like to be in control of what i feel, get scared when i dont because yep had my heart broken i used to drink and not give a crap about my actions while drinking....i actually cared the next day though... i think you are in for some hard yards with this woman.If the relationship were to be of any meaning she would have to stop drinking .....simple as that.....other wise she cannot be serious about you or anyone else...she has a drinking problem......which causes many issues i would say for her...one of them is denial and not holding her self accountable....i wish you the best...deb 1
tbf Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 UPDATE - So of course I replied to her. But she texted me later saying she was stuck at work and couldn't make it.Control and withdrawal. She follows pattern, push-pull.
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Control and withdrawal. She follows pattern, push-pull. Yup. But I think I pulled back by ignoring her Sunday and now she's interested again...
todreaminblue Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Yup. But I think I pulled back by ignoring her Sunday and now she's interested again... i think you should just be honest with her while she is sober.....if you feel she is game playing confront her with it.....deb
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 the drinking is a problem a lot of women use alcohol to lower inhibitions i am specifically talking about women who get extremely wasted and then seem to draw men to them......its because when they are not drinking they are reserved shy and yes sweet when they drink th ebariers are no longer there, the only problem with this abuse of alcohol comes poor choices, regrettable behavior and sexual promiscuity because they just dont care at the time....they are nearly brain dead....i say it because i have been there done that and painted the toilet bowl technicolour.....i dont drink anymore.....i find it hard to relax around men as i too like to be in control of what i feel, get scared when i dont because yep had my heart broken i used to drink and not give a crap about my actions while drinking....i actually cared the next day though... i think you are in for some hard yards with this woman.If the relationship were to be of any meaning she would have to stop drinking .....simple as that.....other wise she cannot be serious about you or anyone else...she has a drinking problem......which causes many issues i would say for her...one of them is denial and not holding her self accountable....i wish you the best...deb I'm not bullish on the long term relationship prospects but her OKC profile said she won't sleep with anyone on the first date but she's "just looking for someone to go out with". So if she doesn't have long term expectations maybe we'll both just have fun for a while. I've never had a short term relationship. Everything has been 5 dates or less or several years... 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 i think you should just be honest with her while she is sober.....if you feel she is game playing confront her with it.....deb That is my intention, especially if she spends the night, which she's obviously putting out there. I mean after 5+ dates that $h!t will have to absolutely end or I'm out... 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 (edited) the drinking is a problem a lot of women use alcohol to lower inhibitions i am specifically talking about women who get extremely wasted and then seem to draw men to them......its because when they are not drinking they are reserved shy and yes sweet when they drink th ebariers are no longer there, the only problem with this abuse of alcohol comes poor choices, regrettable behavior and sexual promiscuity because they just dont care at the time....they are nearly brain dead....i say it because i have been there done that and painted the toilet bowl technicolour.....i dont drink anymore.....i find it hard to relax around men as i too like to be in control of what i feel, get scared when i dont because yep had my heart broken i used to drink and not give a crap about my actions while drinking....i actually cared the next day though... The past couple days have indeed taken a very surprising turn. That along with a pattern for her OKC activity, is painting a picture much like you describe. I suspect your assessment of her is very accurate. Particularly the things I bolded. They are consistent with her actions. After our first date, she didn't log on to OKC for several days. But she was back on OKC constantly after our wild second date. That led me to think she had played me and also lost interest. But now it seems she was just as confused about Wednesday as I was, tempered expectations, and was preparing to "move on". But then I ask her out again for a low-key date and now she hasn't logged onto OKC since. BTW I've got to stop checking up on her that way - breeds jealousy. Anyway, last night she texts me that she's out to dinner with her best friend. It felt like a "don't worry I'm not out on a date" check-in. I tell her to have fun but not too much fun. She texts me back a picture of the two of them kissing (as friends)" then tells me its my turn to send a pic. Which I do. She tells me THEY "love the pic". So obviously I'm a topic of conversation with her best friend. So I'm figuring she wants to spend the night on Saturday if all goes well. I'm going to make sure neither of us drinks too much. If we do have sex I want it to be sober and consensual. Edited April 17, 2013 by CryForNoOne
todreaminblue Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 The past couple days have indeed taken a very surprising turn. That along with a pattern for her OKC activity, is painting a picture much like you describe. I suspect your assessment of her is very accurate. Particularly the things I bolded. They are consistent with her actions. After our first date, she didn't log on to OKC for several days. But she was back on OKC constantly after our wild second date. That led me to think she had played me and also lost interest. But now it seems she was just as confused about Wednesday as I was, tempered expectations, and was preparing to "move on". But then I ask her out again for a low-key date and now she hasn't logged onto OKC since. BTW I've got to stop checking up on her that way - breeds jealousy. Anyway, last night she texts me that she's out to dinner with her best friend. It felt like a "don't worry I'm not out on a date" check-in. I tell her to have fun but not too much fun. She texts me back a picture of the two of them kissing (as friends)" then tells me its my turn to send a pic. Which I do. She tells me THEY "love the pic". So obviously I'm a topic of conversation with her best friend. So I'm figuring she wants to spend the night on Saturday if all goes well. I'm going to make sure neither of us drinks too much. If we do have sex I want it to be sober and consensual. good going....i think it is really wise of you to consider not having sex with her drinking or out of it....as for a long term relationship if she has a drinking problem you might want to consider that is an issue.......it will cause problems between the two of you ...especially if she goes out without you and gets wasted.if she can see she has a problem....then that is the first step.......best wishes....deb
Sivok Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 CryForNoOne, I read through this entire thread and it resonated so much with me. Every emotion you're feeling and the conflicted thoughts on your end and her end sounds like they're both coming from the same angle - both of you are feeling this intensity with each other and you're both as excited as afraid about it. Sounds like both of you have been hurt before in the past and are testing each other equally. The intensity of the second date scared her and you, hence the OKC tests on her end. Also, you have gigs - I assume you're a a musician? - In that case that probably spikes the jealousy on her end too "oh musician types get so much female attention - can i really trust him to stay loyal?". And fyi, resisting sleeping with her that night was a great play on your end... But if she pulls a similar tactic on the third date, go for it - it would be a test, and she wants you to sleep with her. You seem to have a decent amount of experience with women, so I'm not too afraid that you'll fall subject to ho games. I get the vibe that you know how to watch your own back, and I feel like she does too. You're both keeping each other on your toes and that's an intoxicating thing to have in a blossoming relationship. Play it out with her and see where it goes - I got a good feeling about this. Oh, and ofcourse, keep us in the loop 1
Sivok Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 (edited) double post Edited April 17, 2013 by Sivok
youngnlove89 Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 It's the crazy one's who are GREAT in bed! Why don't you just take her offer of great sex and then never see her again. No strings attached, fiery hot sex. It'll be a good story to tell us about!
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 CryForNoOne, I read through this entire thread and it resonated so much with me. Every emotion you're feeling and the conflicted thoughts on your end and her end sounds like they're both coming from the same angle - both of you are feeling this intensity with each other and you're both as excited as afraid about it. Sounds like both of you have been hurt before in the past and are testing each other equally. The intensity of the second date scared her and you, hence the OKC tests on her end. Also, you have gigs - I assume you're a a musician? - In that case that probably spikes the jealousy on her end too "oh musician types get so much female attention - can i really trust him to stay loyal?". And fyi, resisting sleeping with her that night was a great play on your end... But if she pulls a similar tactic on the third date, go for it - it would be a test, and she wants you to sleep with her. You seem to have a decent amount of experience with women, so I'm not too afraid that you'll fall subject to ho games. I get the vibe that you know how to watch your own back, and I feel like she does too. You're both keeping each other on your toes and that's an intoxicating thing to have in a blossoming relationship. Play it out with her and see where it goes - I got a good feeling about this. Oh, and ofcourse, keep us in the loop I'm the lead singer in my band and I do get a fair amount of female attention so early on there were some trust issues with her. Jabs like "Is that what you tell all the girls?" It's pretty much stopped though. So today she friended me on FB and had some random questions she'd only ask if she was "exploring" my FB page. Then she asked me when was the last time I was in a relationship and we talked a little about the whacky stuff she said Wed night - she didn't remember it all but I assured her it was all good. Things are definitely moving towards some emotional intimacy. I'm hoping there is no let down Saturday.
spiderowl Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 She sounds very mixed up and I don't feel this is going to end happily. I'd recommend keeping your distance until she starts behaving consistently (if ever).
Standard-Fare Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I'd stop analyzing the texts/OKC patterns if I were you. You've only been on two dates -- she doesn't owe you anything, you aren't boyfriend and girlfriend. The only way to figure out what's up is to go on more dates with her. But the important thing is you NEED to get a sense of what she's like sober, and what your chemistry is like with her sober. Dinner and a movie sounds good on paper, but I feel like that could easily turn into two bottles of wine. Why don't you plan some sort of outdoor activity in stark daylight, where no alcohol is involved? A hike, a museum, going to the beach, something like that. Maybe that sounds boring this early in the game, but with someone who's displayed such nutty behavior it might be necessary.
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 We talked again tonight. I flirted with her alot and alluded to us being a couple. She asked if we were. Then she told me I'm funny, intelligent, and my kindness has her in awe - that she didn't believe there were any gentlemen left in LA until she met me. And I wow her in the best way possible. She said she "knew" after our second date because it was one the best ever. Safe to say she likes me. I guess I can relax and stop worrying about her playing games because she's really opening up to me. I'm seing her tomorrow night and neither of us can wait.
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