CryForNoOne Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) Wow. I don't even know where to begin... I've had several OKC first dates recently but one really stood out. She was very shy at first but opened up as the evening progressed. We had instant chemistry and were touching holding hands like BF/GF the whole night. She would not let me kiss her at the end of the date though. Didn't matter. I could totally tell she was into me. Our second date started just like the first. She was really shy at first, but after a couple margaritas over dinner, she really began to warm up. I had no idea what I was in for. We went bar hopping afterwards and I saw a whole other side of her. Since I was driving, she did not hold back, and this girl can REALLY drink! Throughout the night she kept on slipping out for a cigarette. And each time, this former wallflower, made a friend - usually male. Suddenly she had this presence about her everywhere she went. But she kept on coming back to me and our caressing and touching became more and more sexual. I'm not sure if she was trying to get me jealous and turned on at the same time, but she did. Still, she wouldn't let me kiss her and said more than once "stop looking at me like you want to kiss me". But I could tell she really wanted me, and eventually she stopped resisting, and we had a very intense make out session. But then she just left the bar and started walking away... I caught up to her and sat her down at a park bench and we talked. She was suddenly very distant and body language was not good. She told me she couldn't get involved with me because she liked me too much. She said she's very independent and always needs to be in control of her actions. She said she couldn't do that around me. She started talking about how she was happy being single despite constantly getting hit on by guys. She'd go out but could shut it down at any time because she didn't really like them. It seems to me like she's been hurt badly before and hence all these walls. I listened and let her get it all out, but at the end had no idea what to say or do other than the kiss her again. We started making out again, even more intense than before. She asked me to take her home and I did. When we got to her place we sat in the car a while. I told her she was very brave to let an OKC second date pick her up and we joked about kidnapping, Ted Bundy etc... I told her I wasn't going to let her go that easily and she told me she wanted to stay out all night with me. That's when I jumped her and we started undressing. It was really intense again. But then right before intercourse, she stopped me. She said "You have a choice. You can f**k me once and I'll never talk to you again, or you can wait and get to f**k me a thousand times". Holy crap. I'd never heard that one before. I stopped. There was a whole lot of foreplay and dirty talk after that but we never did it. I don't have any idea where this is going though. She told me that I'm the only one she wants. I asked when she wanted to see me again and she said "Thursday, Friday, Saturday..." But then she also started talking about us in the past tense like "you should keep fond memories of this night", "it was really good knowing you"... We texted a bit after. So was it the alcohol, was she really being vulnerable, or is this all manipulation and and act... Edited April 11, 2013 by CryForNoOne
SmileFace Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Umm you should just walk in the different direction of this chick 3
Keenly Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 I'd say just keep talking to her, give it a week. If she is still weird, then bail. But what if she genuinely likes you? and just did not want to have sex too soon?
ScreamingTrees Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Sounds like a song and dance to me, sounds like she's pulling all of the right moves, and you're already hooked. **** sounds truly rehearsed, but she sounds a good actor and you're liking the show. Let's see here.. Lemme get out the bull**** detector. I've had several OKC first dates recently but one really stood out. She was very shy at first but opened up as the evening progressed. We had instant chemistry and were touching holding hands like BF/GF the whole night. She would not let me kiss her at the end of the date though. Didn't matter. I could totally tell she was into me. Our second date started just like the first. She was really shy at first, but after a couple margaritas over dinner, she really began to warm up. I had no idea what I was in for. We went bar hopping afterwards and I saw a whole other side of her. Since I was driving, she did not hold back, and this girl can REALLY drink! Throughout the night she kept on slipping out for a cigarette. And each time, this former wallflower, made a friend - usually male. Suddenly she had this presence about her everywhere she went. But she kept on coming back to me and our caressing and touching became more and more sexual. I'm not sure if she was trying to get me jealous and turned on at the same time, but she did. Still, she wouldn't let me kiss her and said more than once "stop looking at me like you want to kiss me". But I could tell she really wanted me, and eventually she stopped resisting, and we had a very intense make out session. But then she just left the bar and started walking away... I caught up to her and sat her down at a park bench and we talked. She was suddenly very distant and body language was not good. She told me she couldn't get involved with me because she liked me too much. She said she's very independent and always needs to be in control of her actions. She said she couldn't do that around me. She started talking about how she was happy being single despite constantly getting hit on by guys. She'd go out but could shut it down at any time because she didn't really like them. It seems to me like she's been hurt badly before and hence all these walls. I listened and let her get it all out, but at the end had no idea what to say or do other than the kiss her again. We started making out again, even more intense than before. She asked me to take her home and I did. When we got to her place we sat in the car a while. I told her she was very brave to let an OKC second date pick her up and we joked about kidnapping, Ted Bundy etc... I told her I wasn't going to let her go that easily and she told me she wanted to stay out all night with me. That's when I jumped her and we started undressing. It was really intense again. But then right before intercourse, she stopped me. She said "You have a choice. You can f**k me once and I'll never talk to you again, or you can wait and get to f**k me a thousand times". Holy crap. I'd never heard that one before. I stopped. There was a whole lot of foreplay and dirty talk after that but we never did it. I don't have any idea where this is going though. She told me that I'm the only one she wants. I asked when she wanted to see me again and she said "Thursday, Friday, Saturday..." But then she also started talking about us in the past tense like "you should keep fond memories of this night", "it was really good knowing you"... We texted a bit after. So was it the alcohol, was she really being vulnerable, or is this all manipulation and and act... She sounds bat**** insane. I wouldn't bother if I was you, I'd actually call her out on it, assuming I'd actually allowed myself to play along during these wild "dates".. I would've just said "I don't get what your game is, but I'm not playing it, sorry, love." Ain't nobody got time fo dat.
veggirl Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 She sounds psycho and dramatic. What about that evening was appealing...? Maybe you guys should have a date where you don't get drunk. This chick has major issues, I didn't see any "vulnerability" in anything you mentioned, just a lot of drama queen game playing. Just tell her "you are too crazy-girl for me. See ya." 2
2sunny Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 She's a different person when she drinks - run far far away!
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 She sounds like a ****ton of drama and games, but with great sex. Up to you i guess. That I have no doubt about. What happened to the girl on the skateboard, who skateboarded to your date? How many girls ago was she? Do you keep a spreadsheet? She got all flaky and weird so I ended contact. She turned out to be a typical actress... And I decided to take break from OKC because it was getting out of hand. I really do like this one but I saw a million red flags last night...
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 She sounds psycho and dramatic. What about that evening was appealing...? Maybe you guys should have a date where you don't get drunk. This chick has major issues, I didn't see any "vulnerability" in anything you mentioned, just a lot of drama queen game playing. Just tell her "you are too crazy-girl for me. See ya." We've talked on the phone and texted a lot and she's a really sweet girl in the "daytime". She is a nanny / house manager for a very wealthy family and we talk a lot kids, love of animals etc... We've had stimulating conversation on both dates early on, but the from 10PM to really late it's just hours and hours of drinking, innuendo, and foreplay.
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 Sounds like a song and dance to me, sounds like she's pulling all of the right moves, and you're already hooked. **** sounds truly rehearsed, but she sounds a good actor and you're liking the show. Let's see here.. Lemme get out the bull**** detector. She sounds bat**** insane. I wouldn't bother if I was you, I'd actually call her out on it, assuming I'd actually allowed myself to play along during these wild "dates".. I would've just said "I don't get what your game is, but I'm not playing it, sorry, love." Ain't nobody got time fo dat. I get all that and must say my BS detector went off the moment she walked away from the bar. But what is the point of all this? Just getting her jollies off being a prick tease? I mean it was entirely up to me if we were going to f*ck and she was almost begging me to. The other thing is if she IS playing games, one of her tricks is to NOT to play games. We stay out as late as I decide. We go wherever I suggest. Setting up date is as simple as naming a day and time. She always texts back immediately. So I'm thinking that she really does like me but is probably manipulative anyway and maybe crazy. Problem is right now I'm hook line and sinker...
TheGuard13 Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 She said "You have a choice. You can f**k me once and I'll never talk to you again, or you can wait and get to f**k me a thousand times". The proper response here is "I'll take my chances". 2
ScreamingTrees Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 I get all that and must say my BS detector went off the moment she walked away from the bar. But what is the point of all this? Just getting her jollies off being a prick tease? I mean it was entirely up to me if we were going to f*ck and she was almost begging me to. The other thing is if she IS playing games, one of her tricks is to NOT to play games. We stay out as late as I decide. We go wherever I suggest. Setting up date is as simple as naming a day and time. She always texts back immediately. So I'm thinking that she really does like me but is probably manipulative anyway and maybe crazy. Problem is right now I'm hook line and sinker... Probably. Why would she go through all of this if she didn't enjoy it? She's not going to manipulate you unless she's getting something out of it..
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 I forgot to mention perhaps the funniest part if this whole story. She is turning 27 next week but she lives with her mom - she moved back into the house she grew up. It's a really high rent part of LA so I get it. She gets out of my car at 330AM after at least and hour and half of heavy petting, and I hear her mom standing at the door scolding her. I swear I thought I was back in HS. What a truly awesome, f**ked up, and bizarre night. I will say no matter what I had a great time...
Charlie Harper Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 She's a different person when she drinks - run far far away! THIS ^ I would have put a really good condom, and has mind bogling sex with her and see if she is up to her "promise". If she drinks too much and even half drunk there is too much drama..RUN FOREST RUUUNNNNN...
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 Holy ****! She sounds bat**** insane. Why ya'll gotta ruin it for me by confirming what I already kinda know but didn't want to hear. 7 OKC and 3 IRL dates in the last month and none got past 2nd date before either she's not interested, I'm not interested, or she's bat**** crazy. All the second dates were the latter. She was the best prospect. It is starting to seem like there isn't ONE beautiful girl in LA that is GF material and not already taken...
meghann8 Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 She could either be playing you or being completely honest (with the alcohol helping). If you think she's worth the time, go out on a couple more dates and really get to know her. You might end up falling for this chick, or realizing that she's a nut and want nothing to do with her. She sounds like an interesting character to say the least.
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 The proper response here is "I'll take my chances". Well I'm hurt and pissed off today. Thursday night I had a couple beers with a really good friend and talked about her. He was really curious what she looked like etc... He's also on OKC so he looked her up by username. She was online earlier that day which was mildly surprising because she gave me this whole speech Wednesday about me being the only one. Last time I visited her profile she hadn't been online for 2-3 days. Anyway, I told him to message her just for the hell of it which he did. My friend is ridiculously good looking so he gets a lot of replies. Probably a little shady on my part but I was convinced this girl was trying to manipulate me and wanted to see if she replied. Friday afternoon we texted a bit then I asked her when she was off work Saturday. She gives me the vague response "Not sure but give me the info of where you are playing and if I can make it I will come." I have a gig tonight and she'd been insisting over and over she wanted to go, so this was suddenly lukewarm and non-committal. Then Friday evening my buddy texts me telling me she messaged him back. "B!tch!" I decided start off our usual evening dialog with the how was your day text she usually sends me. I hear nothing for hours. Then at 12:38 AM she replies "Sorry I am out with my mom..." Really??? Who the f**k is out with their mom at that hour? I was fuming but just decided to not reply and sleep it off. This morning I wake up and log on to OKC for probably the first time since before our date. On Wednesday we both told each other we were not planning any more dates on OKC and I was keeping my word. Anyway, she was logged on last night at 2:48 AM. Who is out with their mom until 2AM or something??? There is nothing I hate more than a liar and now I'm totally convinced she was out on another date. So yeah I'm hurt and angry. Hurt because we had such a good connection and an intense albeit brief thing going. Angry because now I know all this stuff she told me Wednesday night was BS. So of course my emotional response is "I should have just f**ked her on Wednesday when she was all but begging for it". I'm sure she's going to text today asking about my gig tonight. I still haven't told her where and when. What's the point though. I really want to believe she's not a liar, and we're both going through a weird "where do we go from here" phase after a very intense second date. But my head is telling me to move on. Do I confront her and call her out on her bull$h!t or do I just block her now and move on...
SmileFace Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 If you didn't know how to spot a player. You do now. How are you even this attached? She is good. 1
pyramid Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Move on. Don't put yourself through any more of her nuttiness.
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 How are you even this attached? That's a question I've been asking myself all morning. During our last date my friend came over to talk when she had stepped away. I told him "she is totally my type. Mixed, tall, thin..." He jokingly said "That's mighty narcissistic of you..." He meant it as an off-handed jab. But SHE had also mentioned to me on more than occasion "I think we're much more alike than I thought." So one thing going through my head right now is how that actually might be true. That somehow I "met my match." Specifically I'm thinking about how she said she didn't feel in control around me so she retreated. Also how she dated guys she didn't really like that much because she could shut it down at any time. I sort of do the same thing. I say it's not by choice, but I surround myself with women who are more attracted to me than I am to them. I'm monogamous but I always have a FWB. I generally make myself emotionally unavailable to most women because any time I fall for one, I fall hard. Yet every time I meet a girl I really like, it crashes and burns. Either I go to fast or too slow but either way it ends ugly. I've gone on dates with about 10 girls in the past month and I let none of them in except her. Now I'm getting a dose of my own medicine and I'm wondering if she is exactly like me.
Star Gazer Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 What exactly *do* you like about this girl? What PERSONALITY and CHARACTER traits does she have that you find admirable?
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 (edited) What exactly *do* you like about this girl? What PERSONALITY and CHARACTER traits does she have that you find admirable? Well personality wise three things she possesses that are almost mandatory for me are being agnostic, liberal, and open minded. She also seems very independent. She's witty and quick to jab back when I playfully insult her. I like a little push back. I hate flakey people and she has not been flaky at all. That's so rare in LA actually. I love kids and she talks a lot about the kids she looks after, kind of enviously, and clearly wants to be a mom one day. Taste in music and movies are similar. We both LOVE live music. I can tell she's really into the fact I'm the lead singer in a band. She says she likes the outdoors but that's not something I've seen yet. Our conversations have been very relaxed and natural with no early dating awkwardness or unusual silences. We both like to drink (maybe too much) and occasional soft drugs, and no hard drugs. It does bug me a bit though that she smokes regularly. Then obviously I'm physically attracted to her but I could say that with almost every OKC date I've had. So it's not like I'm just fixated on the prettiest girl. I just felt instant chemistry with her and was making physical contact within minutes of meeting. It didn't happen with any of the other dates. And that I can't explain. It's not like she blew me away with her personality or beauty. It just felt right. Edited April 13, 2013 by CryForNoOne
Star Gazer Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Well personality wise three things she possesses that are almost mandatory for me are being agnostic, liberal, and open minded. She also seems very independent. She's witty and quick to jab back when I playfully insult her. I like a little push back. I hate flakey people and she has not been flaky at all. That's so rare in LA actually. I love kids and she talks a lot about the kids she looks after, kind of enviously, and clearly wants to be a mom one day. Taste in music and movies are similar. We both LOVE live music. I can tell she's really into the fact I'm the lead singer in a band. She says she likes the outdoors but that's not something I've seen yet. Our conversations have been very relaxed and natural with no early dating awkwardness or unusual silences. We both like to drink (maybe too much) and occasional soft drugs, and no hard drugs. It does bug me a bit though that she smokes regularly. Then obviously I'm physically attracted to her but I could say that with almost every OKC date I've had. So it's not like I'm just fixated on the prettiest girl. I just felt instant chemistry with her and was making physical contact within minutes of meeting. It didn't happen with any of the other dates. And that I can't explain. It's not like she blew me away with her personality or beauty. It just felt right. Let me clarify. What RELATIONSHIP qualities and character does she offer that you find so admirable? 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Let me clarify. What RELATIONSHIP qualities and character does she offer that you find so admirable? Practically none so far other than the largely superficial stuff I listed above. I mentioned these already in another thread but I'm seeing low self esteem, insecurity, manipulative behavior, and maybe now dishonesty. None of this surfaced until we were drinking excessively but I recognized all this as it unfolded. So now this is my baggage. I've been in 4 LTRs spanning 17 years, including married once. All these women had redeeming admirable traits but I didn't have that early chemistry with them - except the one I married at 23. But she had low self esteem, was insecure, and very manipulative. She wasn't a liar though. I really hope after all these years I'm doomed to being to attracted to those types.
Star Gazer Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Practically none so far other than the largely superficial stuff I listed above. I mentioned these already in another thread but I'm seeing low self esteem, insecurity, manipulative behavior, and maybe now dishonesty. None of this surfaced until we were drinking excessively but I recognized all this as it unfolded. So why are you pursuing this?
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