krobert Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Hi everyone, I wanted to post a message and try to get some people's opinions here, hopefully some from girls too. I'm 21/male and currently single. I took some time off after high school and now I'm attending a Pre-U college, most girls there are around 19-20 I'd say. I guess I am in a disadvantage because I don't really have much of a social network, and I'm a little shy. But most of my guy friends think I'm nice, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be a jerk to my girlfriend. I really would like to make a girl's dream come true, same for me too. I always thought that girls were the ones waiting by the phone, sad, wishing that their boyfriends would call. With my previous girlfriend, whom I dated for about 6 months, was the complete opposite. She barely called me, I was always the one asking if I could see her etc. I guess she was a distancer and I'm a pursuer. Well, if only the girls out there could see that I'm a very caring guy. Trust me, I do think about sex, you'd know I were lying if I told you otherwise... but I think it's so special to walk in the park with your girlfriend and enjoy the day, or watch a movie together, play cards or just talk about things. School started in mid-August, so far I really haven't been able to meet any friends. I saw a couple in the hallway the other day and I could have died right there... they were doing homework together, really quiet, they must have really been in love... saw them a little later, he was playing table tennis and she was sitting there watching, and smiling at him. So I haven't lost all hope that there are still girls out there who want a boyfriend whom they consider to be their best friend. I don't want to constantly be running around chasing my girlfriend, or dating someone that really doesn't give a crap about me. If I had a girlfriend, I really would consider ourselves to be a team and we could help each other through stuff. So, as you can see I guess I'm pretty sappy. Is this a bad thing? The reason I haven't met anyone isn't because of this, I'm just shy to begin with... I'm just telling you what kind of person I am, and I'm wondering if girls would rather date a guy that didn't share his emotions as much, a bad boy/tough guy, whatever you want to call him. And I definately won't date a girl again where, almost every day, I wonder whether or not we'll stay going out or not. I am a pretty confident person, I have hobbies, I'm healthy.... I'm not prince charming but I don't consider myself to be ugly. And I also wanted to ask for your opinion ladies. Do you think it's socially more acceptable for a woman to make the first move and show interest in a guy? I just see guys going up to girls at the bus stop a lot, and not even after 5 minutes, the guys want their cell numbers.. I just find this really perverted and I'm embarassed to be a guy sometimes... Well thanks very much for your help.
SoleMate Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 This issue has been really flogged to death. Bad boy vs. Mr. Nice, how to meet a girl, etc. Please read the previous threads - just search for the phrases "nice guy" and "never had a girlfriend". If I had a girlfriend, I really would consider ourselves to be a team and we could help each other through stuff. That is sweet! I also see the ideal relationship in the same way. And don't be too self-conscious about being interested in sex with your hypothetical future girlfriend. She will likely be interested in it too. Welcome to the human race. Now go try to reproduce!
gd1039 Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Sounds like I am in a very similar boat like you Robert. I'm in college, most of my friends are just aqquaitnences, but about 90% of those people are girls. I was wondering myslef how I could have so many girl friends (and no I don't talk to them about shopping and other "girl" stuff) yet no girlfriend (obviously I don't have a problem talking with girls). Sure, I meet girls that seem interested in me, but that hasn't been going well lately. Just keep your chin up and your eyes open and try to strike up conversations with everyone you can. It sounds strange, but its harder to find a girlfriend when you are actively looking for one, but when you aren't looking seems to be when things go better. I too am a "nice" guy, so I know where you are comming from. As far as the nice guy thing goes, this is probably the best advice I have heard. It isn't so much as the nice guy vs bad guy personaility that girls like. Generally, the nice guys have trouble showing their interest in girls without thinking they look like they are too interested in them. So, the nice guy plays it safe and keeps his moves conservative. The bad guy doesn't care what girls think and isn't afraid to show his interest. There is alot more in the discussion of how to show interest but that is the general idea. Work on flirting with girls you are interested in. Try to not hold back so much when you talk to them and eventually you will meet a girl. Good luck.
savethedrama4allama Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Lots of girls are interested in the best friend type of thing you mention. It might not be common in the 19-20 year old sector though. You sound mature for your age, perhaps you should try to meet women who are a little older and seek companionship as you do. You sound respectful and sincere and that will serve you better in the end than then bad boy/player image. All you can do is be yourself if you want to be loved for who you really are. Respectfully yours. Savethedrama4yrmama.
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