I think I'm falling out of love, but I DON'T WANT to. !

[Roses_84]

Hi everyone,

 

Please take your little time to read this and help me out. Your advice may be able to save my relationship and enlighten myself about my deep feelings.

 

Basically I met the most wonderful man ever. We've been together exclusive for roughly over ½ year now. He's everything I've ever wanted in a relationship.

 

I was happy with him but in the last 1.5 months, I've been feeling EXTREME anxiety that I can't seem to get past. I just woke up one day and felt that I would be falling out of love with him. Or I may not be able to love him any deeper. And this is absolutely the last thing I ever want to think of or to do.

 

I've been searching myself for over a month trying to figure out what to do or what could be causing my anxiety. But I couldn’t find anything related. (This is the first time in my life that I have this kind of feelings).

 

I don't know what to do. I want SO badly to love him and be with him. I love hanging out with him and being with him is always fun and relaxing.

 

The thought of breaking up with him gives me so much pain and tears, However, this crazy anxiety keeps crawling inside my head and poisoning my mind and my relationship . Some moments, I seem to get over it. Some moments, I seem to have the anxiety all over me, killing me.

 

I'm willing to make any sacrifice to be happy with him, because I know I can be. I just can't be happy with him while feeling this way. He is a wonderful man and he doesn’t deserve this. I want to give him the best of who I am and what I can do.

 

 

Am I crazy? Is there hope for us? Can I learn to love? Or should I just save him the pain of stringing him along the way?

 

I'm looking just for everyone’s thoughts.

[TigerCub]

I've never gone through something like that so I'm not sure I understand this:

 

- One day you just woke up and realized that you may not be able to love him more?

 

I guess my question to that would be:

What makes you feel that the amount of love you feel for him is not enough?

 

I think I just see it as - You either love him or you don't.

 

If you love him, great, enjoy.

If you don't then you can't force yourself to love someone. There is not point in faking it and pretending, so figure out what changed and why you don't love him anymore.

 

If you really can't figure it out and you just don't love him, then make peace with the fact that he's not the right person for you and you're not the right for him and let him go.

[Roses_84]

Me myself have never been in this situation before so it's really confusing for me as well. I used to be thinking exactly the same way like you - either LOVE or NOT LOVE. There is nothing in between. Love should be as clear as crystal.

 

I love him and want so bad to be with him but I'm feeling like I'm falling out of love and this bothers me so much.

 

Well, we went on holiday together and when we got back. This aniexty suddenly appeared.

 

During the holiday, we got a good time, had a few little arguments a long the way and who doesnt have when you're in the relationship right?

 

I dont know whether it's because I'm having a low time in my life that it influences this relationship or what

[Treasa]

Are you sure the honeymoon phase isn't just wearing off and you're getting bored of him?

 

When I would start to get unhappy and anxious in a relationship, it was because I was bored of it. Or it just wasn't working for me somehow.

[MidwestUSA]

You're at the six month mark, where the newness (honeymoon phase) is wearing off. Now you're pondering a future. I don't think your anxiety is all that unusual, unless it is crippling.

 

Is it possible that "love" is morphing from lust/excitement to comfort/security? It can be the best feeling in the world, if you recognize and accept it. I suggest making a list of all the positives about your man and your relationship. How old are you? Do you share the same goals for the future (children, etc.)?

[TigerCub]

Me myself have never been in this situation before so it's really confusing for me as well. I used to be thinking exactly the same way like you - either LOVE or NOT LOVE. There is nothing in between. Love should be as clear as crystal.

 

I love him and want so bad to be with him but I'm feeling like I'm falling out of love and this bothers me so much.

 

Well, we went on holiday together and when we got back. This aniexty suddenly appeared.

 

During the holiday, we got a good time, had a few little arguments a long the way and who doesnt have when you're in the relationship right?

 

I dont know whether it's because I'm having a low time in my life that it influences this relationship or what

 

hehe the ol' vacation argument.

Yeah been there done that and I think it's common.

I'm sure that when we piss each other off and see each other's flaws we wonder if we're right for one another.

 

But I think if there is love and respect it's ok and once we cool off and stuff we usually just see things for what they really are.

 

I just saw the other posters comments on how you are at the mark where the newness wears off and stuff, and I would actually agree with them. They make a good point.

 

You said though that what you're going through isn't like anything you've felt before, so do you think it is more than the "newness" wearing off?

 

Have you had other relationship experiences?

Is this your longest relationship?

[Roses_84]

I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 23.

 

During the holiday is the argument about he being grumpy when he had to woke up so early to join the whole group to sightseeing.

 

Possibly that when the honeymoon period is going off, the reality hits me hard. Cos now it's the time to get serious and all the stuff.

 

I'm quite successfully in what I'm doing while he just quited his study because he never actually liked it. He just picked it up 3 years ago when his mom suggested him. (He got back from the military when he was 20 and since he has been always lost, didnt know what he wanted to do in life or what he wanted to become). He's still lost.

 

How can I overcome this anxiety? In general, I'm a very very positive and funny person, nothing could bother me or worth me giving a little f****. Nothing could pull me down for so long.

 

But this time, it lasted for over a month and I'm still struggling to get my emotions more balanced.

 

I want to be the happy person as I've used to be. This anxiety is killing all the joy along my ways

[2sunny]

Give him 10 years to grow up... Then see how it goes.

 

Seriously. He's a baby with no future - he needs time.

[MidwestUSA]

Give him 10 years to grow up... Then see how it goes.

 

Seriously. He's a baby with no future - he needs time.

 

I misread the ages, having her at 23 and him at 27. Ooooops! I suspect this is the root of the anxiety right here. What seems to be too good to be true usually is. So sorry.

[StanMusial]

Give him 10 years to grow up... Then see how it goes.

 

Seriously. He's a baby with no future - he needs time.

 

Obviously there are many factors in play and there is not much info here. But you may be at the age where more serious thoughts of the future start to crop up. He is not there yet and this gap between you may be affecting your rational thoughts.

[ChatroomHero]

Maybe I am way off, but it almost sounds like for the first 6 months he looked perfect in your eyes but now you are having the "he just gave me the dutch oven" realization, maybe he isn't exactly as you built him up/projected him to be.

 

Kinda sounds like you projected an image of him and are finding out now it was just that, your image of him. I guess I am getting that from you saying how you want it to work and really want to love him, seems like you might really be saying, "I wish he was exactly like I projected him to be but he is actually someone different".