todreaminblue Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 I have been with my bf for about a year. Planning to get married in Aug. in Vegas. Just a quick wedding. I just turned 40 and he is 38. Both out 2nd marriages. We already live together and all. It is going well except the fact that he is getting alittle carried away with what he is doing lately. I go to the gym everyday and he expects me to wear a bagging ugly t-shirt, if I dont he gets pissed. Yesterday I wore one of my Victoria Secret (Pink) shirts cause it is more comfortable working out and he got pissed and he hid all my tank tops/low cut shirts. I found em but he said if I wear em he'll throw em away. Now I am 40, a guy is not going to hit on me at the gym! I do look good for my age, but they are going to hit on the young 20 something than me lol I told him this and he says he cant take that chance. He also has been getting mad at little things like if I dont sit with him in the morning before work, he says I can do the housework later, I need to spend those few minutes with him before he leaves. And if I leave him while he's eating dinner, or dont meet him at the door when he gets home, just little things like that. I cant go for walks by myself or to the store by myself unless its for groceries. This is odd to me. He was alittle like this at first but it has gotten worse so not sure if its something I am doing or him? lol he hid them ...inventive.........sorry i cant help smiling.....he is being territorial,he doesnt want other men looking at you in a sexual way....thats understandable.....honestly this would make me laugh if it happened to me....and i would nab his shirt wear his shirt..sweat alllll over it...........or wear whatever he wanted me too...lol....ahem.....seriously.....if i love someone wearing a baggy t shirt to gym doesnt seem like a really important thing to battle over.......i save my battles .......he is maybe insecure to me.....if i a guy is insecure you do what you have to do to make him feel secure.....everyone feels insecurity...it is needless in a relationship that is built on love compromise and trust and honesty...compromise or dont.......what is more important to you the baggy t shirt or your bf..he hid them all...hee hee...im sorry it is sort of cute......deb
SmileFace Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Don't you think this will get worse after marriage? Why? 1
ascendotum Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 The guy is a being a jealous insecure dick. I bet he loves your gym honed body though. I bet if we advised him to drop you and to find a slobby body woman who wears baggy clothes so that way he could relax over other guys not being interested in his gf, he wouldn't be a fan of that idea. You are not even married and he is hiding your clothes and threatening you that he will throw them out. Guess what your future has in store. It will likely extend beyond gym attitre once you are married. "I cant go for walks by myself or to the store by myself unless its for groceries." - not surprised when I got to this line. If you are going to marry this guy, you will need to learn to be okay with his controlling behavior, otherwise you will be sadntrue for many years. Is the house worth it. At least you got a heads up before August. I agree with Johan on your fiance's definition of love. 2
KungFuJoe Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 I don't get guys like this at ALL. I'm the complete opposite. The more attention my wife gets, the more I like it. 3
zanzi Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 sounds like the first stages of something more serious to me, and that he will become abusive. He is already trying to control you. He's not worth the bruises or the headache. def wouldn't marry a guy like him, it wont end well.
Noproblem Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 OMG A control freak! Seriously, you are going to have a very hard life with him if you married him...It's fine for me if you are ok with that! 1
Noproblem Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 lol he hid them ...inventive.........sorry i cant help smiling.....he is being territorial,he doesnt want other men looking at you in a sexual way....thats understandable.....honestly this would make me laugh if it happened to me....and i would nab his shirt wear his shirt..sweat alllll over it...........or wear whatever he wanted me too...lol....ahem.....seriously.....if i love someone wearing a baggy t shirt to gym doesnt seem like a really important thing to battle over.......i save my battles .......he is maybe insecure to me.....if i a guy is insecure you do what you have to do to make him feel secure.....everyone feels insecurity...it is needless in a relationship that is built on love compromise and trust and honesty...compromise or dont.......what is more important to you the baggy t shirt or your bf..he hid them all...hee hee...im sorry it is sort of cute......deb Yeah, the T-shirt is more important than any similar bf who like to control what I wear, where I go and etc ... Women worked hard to get their freedom, we obviously don't want it taken away from us because some guys are jealous and insecure ... It's a shame! 1
foreverandalways Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 OP, i'm going to share a few things with you from my previous relationship. Do with them what you will. My ex husband was very insecure and jealous. On top of the constant abusive name calling he did to me (hopefully yours doesn't do that), he also kept tabs on me. How? He installed keyloggers on my computer, checked my cell records, and kept tabs on all of my spending by viewing the online bank account. When I went shopping, I had to bring home receipts, because they were timestamped, and proved where I was. If I was running to walgreens, and stopped for a moment to check out some makeup or what not, I begun to realize that I was losing time, when I was supposed to be getting toilet paper and milk...which should be a short trip. I knew if I didn't hurry, he would question me when I got home. Years ago when I was a waitress, I had plans to hang out with my friends that night and had a change of clothes in my car. He knew I was going out, and did say it was OK. But after work, I went to get my change of clothes, and I found a note instead, that said he took, my change of clothes, and unless I wanted to go out in my smelly restaurant clothes, I would just come home instead. There is so much more. SO much more. This escalated throughout the 10 years we were married. Needless to say, I grew some balls, and left his sorry a**. Just think long and hard about everything before you get married, and make sure for absolute certain that its what you want to do.
SJC2008 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 He sounds like he's controlling. TBS I'm surprised it's taken this long for signs to show because being controlling is a coping mechanism and it's who they are. Most controlling people I've met started showing signs by the 2nd/3rd date so there har to of been some things you've overlooked. The most obvious sign someone is acontroller is that they are never wrong, they can't admit fault and will never lose an argument. They just can't be vulnerable so that also means they are not good with emotional intimacy. Google it there are tons of resourced on the net.
dasein Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 (edited) Didn't read whole thread. With regard to the specific issues raised in the thread, surely there is some compromise possible. Surely there is something between a baggy sweatshirt and a lowcut skintight thing to work out in. Also, if you are 40 and look good, guys are scoping you at the gym, believe it. I wouldn't want a GF going out in public and working out in some of the skimpy things I see at the gym, no way. On some of the other things, the sitting with, greeting at the door, etc., there are lines with all of them. Those are easy to do, accommodate where possible, that should be natural and easy to do. However, on the not being able to leave the house or do anything with friends, that's over the line. Pick your battles with stuff, at least you don't have a passive-aggressive guy who builds resentment, he tells you what he likes instead of stewing. Tell him what you want and like too, as long as both of you are open, flexible, don't cross lines and accommodating, should work out. Good luck. Edited April 13, 2013 by dasein
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