morbot_k Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 I went on a date with a girl on Sunday through a dating site - was great we really connected all that blah blah blah. Kissed quite a bit. Hit it off. We even made plans to see a comedy show on Tuesday. She was free all week she said. She appeared on all account very interested in me. We parted ways late. The next morning, I felt a bit odd about seeing her so soon so I texted her about Thurs instead. She responded she had plans she had already booked in advance and that we should hang next week. I asked her about the comedy show - and she responded that she forgot she had to baby-sit for a friend. She wanted my last name to put me in her phone and said she would love to see me next week if I was up for it. So I said, sure, let me know when you get back in town. I just put the ball on her side of the court because I didn't feel like pursuing her anymore. Perhaps I wont' hear from here and she is not interested. Which is fine. But if she does reach out, what would people here do in this situation. Just gloss over the fact you knew she bs'd you? Call it out in a teasing way. Or just walk away from this. I don't mind white lies...not a tyrannt. Just find it weird that someone would lie to get out of making plans one week to do another? Why not just say, "hey, look, why don't we just do next week instead?" I'd not have even flinched. I guess I am pretty honest and date honest people, and normally would walk away but wondering if I should be more open minded?
Feelin Frisky Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Welcome to the forum morbot. But frankly after two reading I can't distinguish how or where you perceive having been BSed. Maybe I'm dense, maybe you can say it another way. White lies are part of life and we often have to tell them because blunt truth can end a flirtation if not a romance as fast as anything. So, how's about simplifying it?
Author morbot_k Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 Welcome to the forum morbot. But frankly after two reading I can't distinguish how or where you perceive having been BSed. Maybe I'm dense, maybe you can say it another way. White lies are part of life and we often have to tell them because blunt truth can end a flirtation if not a romance as fast as anything. So, how's about simplifying it? Thanks for the warm welcome. Hopefully I won't last here For argument's sake let's say I know she is. I get white lies are a part of life. I tell white lies as well. I suppose it might be her way of slowing things down without having to bring up any kind of potentially negative thing. But instead of lying, all she had to say was, "hey, why don't we just hang out next week if you don't mind". No lie there, no blunt truth either. And I would have not even registered anything.
reaver Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 She could not be interested and playing games, she could be genuinely spacey and forgot she had to babysit, she could have lied about that because shes seeing someone else. I cant tell based on what you said. I think its fine you put the ball in her court. If I cant make a suggested date and I like the guy I will offer to reschedule. Hopefully she will set up another date
Divasu Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 I'm with FF, I don't see any "white lie" based on what you wrote. Sounds like you had plans to meet and then you pushed it back because you didn't want to meet her again so soon.
Author morbot_k Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) I'm with FF, I don't see any "white lie" based on what you wrote. Sounds like you had plans to meet and then you pushed it back because you didn't want to meet her again so soon. One the date she told me her only friend who she knew here just had a baby and was out of town so it was a good week for her to meet up. So the next day she she said she had to baby-sit for said friend I knew she was lying. She didn't forget she had to baby-sit, she forgot she told me her friend and the baby were out of town. I know she was free because she said she had the entire week free and had no friends because she just moved to the city. So from night to the next day, I seriously doubt that on a monday morning she totally booked up her schedule. She was free. She just didn't want to hang with me for whatever reason. So the question for me is, if she does get back in touch...I don't know, I just feel it's a bit weird. I guess makes me think if someone is so casual with the truth even for innocent reasons, are they casual with the truth on more important things? Do you continue to get to know someone and make a mental footnote and not worry about it too much, or do you just not waste energy into this person at all? Edited April 11, 2013 by morbot_k
MoreThanThat Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Wait... you have an issue with an obvious (from your side) white lie on Tuesday but you asked her to push it forward until Thursday? Did you tell her why you wanted to delay? For me, I see no moral difference between failing to tell the truth (avoidance) and white lies.
ErosOcean Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 If someone is so casual with the truth even for innocent reasons, are they casual with the truth on more important things? Your question is actually a very big question. What is honesty? When is it morally right to be honest? Should we be honest all the time? How do we define what honesty is? It's a philosophical debate on ethics and morality. Anyway, I'll skip over the philosophy and let you think about it like this... You are with your friends when a stranger walks up and starts talking with you. And you notice right away that his breath is rancid. You can't ignore it, but he is very friendly and seems like a nice guy. He notices the expression on your face and asks if his breath stinks. What do you say? Do you lie and tell him that his breath is fine? Do you tell the honest truth and maybe embarrass him in front of your friends? Do you tell a white lie saying that it's a peculiar smell that tickles your senses? Now if you told a lie - even a white lie - in this situation would that mean that you would tell a lie in the future on something of greater importance? But then we have to define what are "important things" because that is ambiguous. But say you were honest, because you think it is the right thing to do. And you would have saved him from further embarrassment. Does that mean you will always be honest in the future? Another way to look at your question is by rephrasing what you say... If someone is casual with the truth even for innocent reasons, then they will be casual with the truth on more important things. That couldn't be true, could it? I guess I am pretty honest and date honest people, and normally would walk away but wondering if I should be more open minded?" When you say that you are pretty honest that would imply that you are honest most times, but occasionally you will tell a lie. If that is the case, then you should be scrutinizing your own question and seeing how it applies to you. Anyway, you know what I think? I think she told you that she had to babysit because she was intimidated by your sexiness... 1
MoreThanThat Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Anyway, you know what I think? I think she told you that she had to babysit because she was intimidated by your sexiness... Best. Comment. Of. The. Day.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 She was pissed that you canceled the Tuesday's date so she got back at you.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 BTW, OP - blunt honesty 100% of the time is not possible. Even if it was, you wouldn't want it in a partner. It's just too cruel.
Author morbot_k Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 Wait... you have an issue with an obvious (from your side) white lie on Tuesday but you asked her to push it forward until Thursday? Did you tell her why you wanted to delay? For me, I see no moral difference between failing to tell the truth (avoidance) and white lies. I didn't lie. I just asked her if Thursday worked instead.
Author morbot_k Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 BTW, OP - blunt honesty 100% of the time is not possible. Even if it was, you wouldn't want it in a partner. It's just too cruel. Yeah I understand that. But this isn't lying about how many ex'es you have or whatever. Telling someone you are busy when you are actually free as a means to avoid them is a bit....well says you don't want to see them. Maybe it's a moot point and I won't hear from her and this is her way of not having to turn me down on the spot. A week passes and if there's no communication and I reach out to her, she can just ignore it without feeling guilty. Ah....ok, that makes sense. I think I figured it out. Thanks all.
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