Made some Mistakes But I need that girl.

[ninja247]

Alright this could be a bit winded but bear with me. So I got a job at a restaurant during high school (my junior/senior year) Worked there for awhile, always had my eye on this girl. Well one day after many months I finally talked to her. We hit it off from day one, texting like crazy, eventually developed into talking on the phone and from there hanging out. I never was a very confident guy but after everything was so different with this girl from the moment we made initial contact. She made my heart melt along and just made me feel so happy. Fast forward a few months, she helped me convince myself to go to college and I loved her so much after around 8 months dating I was going to go to college with her 300 miles from my home. It was all going good. But seeing each other 24/7 was quite different as there was less missing to be had with each other. Heres my first mistake.1.**** I didnt make any of the friends up here I should have to talk to and spend time with. It was all devoted with her**

We made it work just fine, I always just said we would get better. And through any of this we always remained very very close Id tell her I love her everyday, take her places, She was (and she might not ever know she still is) my world. We made it through alot together and ended up dating almost a year and a half. One of her great friends and a friend of mine killed himself right after we got to college. Near the last month or so she was hanging out with some other guys, large group of guys. (2nd mistake. Too jealous and they made her have fun.- New people always make you have fun. and then she would see me after them and I would be in an ******* mood which made her feel like ****. ) Still through all I love the hell out of her. Id do literally anything for her. The night we broke up thats what I did, I made her feel like **** and she just said maybe this isn't what we should be doing. I instantly said Okay well I wants best for you and what makes you happy. So we agreed to break up on mutual terms for now and remain talking and see where this summer takes us. It didn't hit me what i Had lost until the day after. I was sad, went to see her, we hugged and things got quite steamy but we didn't end up having sex but it was clear we had intense feelings still. After that night I left to my dorm and we broke up around the 22nd of march, Since then she kept putting me away and limiting talking less and less. I finally went to her room and she told me its better if we don't talk ( she always said she couldn't go without talking to me -- Recently) A week after we broke up she came down to my room and told me she thinks she has feelings for someone else.(I'm saying rebound but it was one of the guys she was hanging out with earlier.) I freaked out and started crying and **** which I never have felt quite like that before. Ever since that day my guts hurt. Its all Ive thought about. My only hope was Colleges gonna end soon and we will both go back home. Hopefully she will come to her senses. Well I went home for the weekend, came back on the 7th of april. I had a shirt to give her from one of our friends. I went to give it to her at her room, she ignored me because the new guy was in there. I freaked out again ( I know another mistake) Texted the crap out of her phone called her a bunch, and its one of the reasons she was mad at me for being too controlling. Anyways later that night the new guy got ahold of her phone and decided to be mr.alpha male and butt in on the situation, I took this not very kindly and had some choice words to say to him. My Ex GF finally came down to my room when at this point I was heated. I was losing it all. I was feeling the worse I've ever felt. She came down and I demanded to talk to her ( she was my best friend and the only one I can talk to here). She was so angry at me for being a controlling *******. I freaked out and wanted to confront this new guy because apparently he wanted to punch me. I just couldn't handle him being a dick to me and getting in my business. My Ex girlfriend fought me up 3 flights up stairs and I was so sad of losing her I was being stupid and she was freaking out too. She ended up locking her door and I kicked it once really hard out of anger and extreme sadness (Im never ever violent but I will fight for someone I love). I called her after it, She said she never wants to talk to me again. going on an on what a terrible person i Am and how she hates my guts, wishes she never dated me ETC. Well I made some bad choices and I accidently made it sound like I was going to hurt myself if she wouldnt talk to me (didn't mean to do this just came out). Well just dealing with the loss of a friend it was a low blow and I know that now. Anyways Every day since I cant and dont want to go a second not thinking of her. Everything was around her. I lost it all guys. Its really hitting me hard. I know she did some stuff wrong but All i want is this girl back in my arms. I dont want to get over her. But I know all I can do is give it a month and possibly try talking to her after things have settled. I hope she doesn't move on from me. If she only knew my plans with her and how much support I would always give her and be there for her. If she only knew how much I care and just how much I love her.

 

So we get to this point.. Do you think I have a chance in hell? I will do anything, time included.

 

Right now im with giving it a month and calling her and just asking how her semester went. (only talking for 4-5 mins max if it works out) Ive learned alot here and I didnt know what I had until I lost it.

 

Then if all goes well asking her to hangout and NEVER talking about what happend at all for awhile. Whatever path I have to take to get this girl back. I want it more then anything.

 

Hopefully at some point I can show her Ive done things in my life she wanted me to do. (without telling her)

- Find myself. Who I am.

- Make more friends

- Work on my jealously and people issues with guys.

 

So what do you all think?

Thank you so much.

 

Cant get her out of my head.

Edited April 11, 2013 by ninja247

[LindaSmiley]

Break ups are always hard. I don't want to sound like an a** but you really f***ed it up when you got violent. You could have possibly ruined all your chances right there.

 

The fact that she told you that she had feelings for someone else should have been what made you realize that everything was over. You seem like a sweet guy unfortunately girls can be dumb & unappreciative but at the same time no one likes a clingy boyfriend/girlfriend. You both need space. Talking to each other every hour of every day gets boring. Not only that it's unhealthy.

 

I suggest you leave her alone. If you go back & beg her to give you another chance you'll still be showing that dependency. Work on yourself. Make friends. Better yourself & build up that confidence before getting into any relationship.

 

If it's meant to be.. She'll realize what she had. Don't take her back right away. Tell her you want to take things slow & start from the beginning. Go out with her here & there... have fun but give each other space! Go do your own thing. Make her miss you! Make her want to be around you more.

 

Right now, Just relax. It hurts I know but I promise it'll get better with time. Go do something! Don't sit & think about her. Go out make friends, meet new girls! She was out partying.. Go party! You're in college.

 

Good lucky, man. Stay strong.

[TKizz]

-siiiigh- It sucks to break up after a long relationship. I was the girlfriend in your scenario, and my ex and I were together for 4 years, engaged...it's hard for her too I'm sure, but for YOUR sake you need to collect yourself and focus on you!

 

Let me tell you what happened after I broke up with my ex and why. After 2 1/2 years of dating, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. We were junior/senior when we started dating, same as you (I was the senior), and our relationship had always been very codependant and we spent A LOT of time together. He didn't have many, if any, friends, and I had kind of stopped talking to mine so much in favor of spending time with him. The good times were amazing and I felt very loved, but the bad times were AWFUL and happened more than the good. He was controlling, as you said you are, extremely jealous, selfish, and the worst part is that he put me on a pedestal. I was perfect, could do no wrong...and then when I DID do something that he felt wasn't perfect (get my nose pierced, for example, or not be available to pick him up from college because I was working later), he was horrible to me. He'd apologize, then act like everything was fine, repeat. After he asked me to marry him it only got worse: in addition to all this he became lazy, stopped making the effort to spend time together and instead would just play video games at home all day. He said we'd have the rest of our lives to figure our relationship out, and became extremely self-centered, with no real motivation to do anything for himself or us that would help us once we got married...like go to college, get a full-time job...you know.

 

I left him for a guy that I'd became friends with at work that I'd known for a couple months, because I realized that I was happy hanging out with him and miserable with my fiance. It sucked breaking up with him because he did a lot of what you did (without the violence), i.e. threatening to hurt himself (he invited himself to my parents' house when I lived with them and drank so much that he'd have to stay the night, or "drive home drunk"), he'd show up randomly and cry and beg, he almost got ulcers...this went on for literally a month. I went camping with the aforementioned friend (a less than innocent trip, but he didn't know that) AFTER WE BROKE UP, and showed up to say hi while I was gone...when my mom told him where I was, he just started bawling on their couch and my mom told me to come deal with him. I felt bad, but you know, you have to do what's best for yourself sometimes, you know?

 

And you know what? Almost 3 years later and he's married with a kid!

 

The really important thing is that you LEARN FROM THIS INCIDENT and move on, really focusing on yourself and not letting a relationship define who you are. Who knows, maybe down the road it'll work out with her, but for God's sake don't let that be the goal. The goal should be to get out there, make those friends, do your hobbies, connect with family, and THEN see about that whole love thing. =3

 

Good luck!

Edited April 15, 2013 by TKizz

[ninja247]

Thanks for your help guys, I didn't really get violent like it sounds I just couldn't bare the fact of losing her.

We live in the same dorm and I've been avoiding all contact with her and even changed my schedule so I don't walk past her.

 

Every girl I know that I talk to says that this guy (I doubt she is dating) is just a rebound guy. Because quite honestly while she was sad he is there for her like right now. He doesn't seem like her type in any way.

 

I know at this point I can hope for the best expect the worst.

Since this post and each and everyday my life doesn't feel whole anymore.

I understand this may be normal but I am hopeful the summer will help somewhat for both of us.

And her new "friend" lives in an entirely state.

 

Its the worst because everyone is telling me "we are the perfect couple"

 

This and Only this girl is the only one I can give time too and prey that she comes back around. I cant get bent up if she doesnt but for now im just giving her all the space she wants. She shut off her facebook and I just removed her as a friend.

While we were still taking after the break up she said she was creeping on my facebook 24.7

Now when she does decide to come back to FB (which will happen) I wont be in her profile and all over her page. I put all our mutual friends on a restricted list along with her roommate so there is NO way she can check up on me.

This was what was suggested by a few females. One is a friend of hers and one is a friend of mine they both said IF i want any chance of her coming back around I need to leave her alone at all costs.

 

Thank you all.

[ninja247]

Okay So Update! I was NC for about a week or so, I texted her last sunday Basically saying I understand why she isnt talking to me and to be careful and that I love her.

 

Today I was siting in a Library studying, she never goes there. Its a campus of 10K people with 3 different floors in the building I was in. Well Guess who set across from me (life has weird ways of doing stuff) My Beautiful Ex girlfriend.

She said Hey and and I said Hey too. I was trying to hide my face and didnt know what do, As i was not prepared for this sort of thing. She seemed fine but that quickly changed. She got all her stuff out to study then she looked very sad. Packed it all up, I told her to come over to me and to my surprise she did!

She seamed more sad and acting more weird the closer she got to me. She must not hate me being she came up close to me and she also looked sad. I asked her if she needed a hug. She said nothing and I asked if she needed to talk. She said "not now". Then looked quite sad and shocked. Turned around and walked fastly instantly making up she had to be somewhere.

Is this a good sign?

Im taking it as one.

[Simon Phoenix]

Okay So Update! I was NC for about a week or so, I texted her last sunday Basically saying I understand why she isnt talking to me and to be careful and that I love her.

 

Today I was siting in a Library studying, she never goes there. Its a campus of 10K people with 3 different floors in the building I was in. Well Guess who set across from me (life has weird ways of doing stuff) My Beautiful Ex girlfriend.

She said Hey and and I said Hey too. I was trying to hide my face and didnt know what do, As i was not prepared for this sort of thing. She seemed fine but that quickly changed. She got all her stuff out to study then she looked very sad. Packed it all up, I told her to come over to me and to my surprise she did!

She seamed more sad and acting more weird the closer she got to me. She must not hate me being she came up close to me and she also looked sad. I asked her if she needed a hug. She said nothing and I asked if she needed to talk. She said "not now". Then looked quite sad and shocked. Turned around and walked fastly instantly making up she had to be somewhere.

Is this a good sign?

Im taking it as one.

 

How is that a good sign exactly? Sounds like she felt awkward as hell and got out of there as quickly as she could without being rude. She doesn't hate you, she's just weirded out by the whole thing. As most exes are in these cases. You need to leave her alone for the time being. If you make contact with her in the library or on campus give her a smile or a nod, but don't talk to her and don't tell her to "come" like she's a pet. You need to back off and let things settle.