Why are men hammered for wanting to date women they're attracted to?

[SJC2008]

I've seen it here that men only value looks and now I'm starting to see it online. I've come accross 3 profiles recently where they mention that men should look past looks a bit to meet that special someone. Some posters here act like us men feel we're entitled to a beautiful bikini babe!

 

I'm a realist and know what I'm working with. TBS I'm NOT going to date a woman I'm attracted to, period. And just because I want and need to be attracted to her doesn't mean she has to be some bikini babe. The woman I dated for over a month was pretty chunky, even a tad bit more than me proportionately but she still had a nice womanly figure and I was very attracted to her.

 

My last "gripe" is that women say looks matter to them but not as much? Ok what is as much? I don't see any hotties running around with fat slobs. Where are all these couples that women speak of where the woman is way better looking? It's a socilogial FACT that people date those similar to them in appearance. Seldom do I see a couple where the man OR woman is punching out of his/her league.

[Poppy fields]

What specifically has given you the impression that people are looked down upon for seeking an attractive mate? I haven't been on this board very long so I may be missing something.

[SJC2008]

What specifically has given you the impression that people are looked down upon for seeking an attractive mate? I haven't been on this board very long so I may be missing something.

 

Some of the female users make it seem like men only value looks and that we're entitled to gorgeous women and such. Then as stated in the OP, I came accross 3 OLD profiles where they said men need to look past looks.

 

I think men and women want to be physically attracted to their partner. I don't think I'm shallow. If I could get a very attractive woman that's not going to stop me from dating a woman I'm attracted to who isn't considered universally attractive or has a little extra.

[dasein]

Your thread title could just stop at "Why are men hammered?" The perpetual rubbishing of men and everything male is an obnoxious trait of our culture today, just a given reality we have to deal with and surpass. Don't buy into it or take it personally. Even in the year 2013, there is a vast female audience out there who never tires of reading of how hideous men are, what men do wrong, yaddayadda. Just seek out the ones who don't participate in such.

 

Women are just as much into looks as men generally. No one of any gender should have to modify their reasonable physical preferences in dating and mating.

[Poppy fields]

Well, I would like to think women who would berate someone for wanting to be attracted to their partner are not the norm. All people need to feel that attraction, and it is definitely in the eye of the beholder. Now, some species of women and men are just super humanly attractive, but I think those are the exception and not what most people are talking about when they say they want an attractive person.

 

If these women who are giving you a hard time think looks should not be important, then I suppose they are hanging out in sweats and greasy hair. Because why would they make an effort if it is not important. Something tells me they do make an effort and perhaps feel resenent that they think they have to do so to be competitive. Then guys get the blame cause you are easy targets.

[SJC2008]

Your thread title could just stop at "Why are men hammered?"

 

lol!

 

 

Women are just as much into looks as men generally. No one of any gender should have to modify their reasonable physical preferences in dating and mating.

 

Agreed 100%

[SJC2008]

Another thing we hear about is that women feel pressure to be attractive since birth becuase of magazines, movies etc. Well call me stupid but that guy next to that model in that magazine ad is pretty dam good looking too! That super hero in the movie is pretty dam fit and handsome! The difference is I think that men don't care about that stuff. I don't feel pressure to be good looking becuase guys with square jaws in magazines and crap. I have a decent size stomach but I'm not afraid to take my shirt off at the beach.

[Anela]

Women are constantly hammered for dating men they're attracted to: their/our choices are consistently picked apart here. So look at the motives there - yours and those of the men who choose to do the picking.

[TheBigQuestion]

I've seen it here that men only value looks and now I'm starting to see it online. I've come accross 3 profiles recently where they mention that men should look past looks a bit to meet that special someone. Some posters here act like us men feel we're entitled to a beautiful bikini babe!

 

I'm a realist and know what I'm working with. TBS I'm NOT going to date a woman I'm attracted to, period. And just because I want and need to be attracted to her doesn't mean she has to be some bikini babe. The woman I dated for over a month was pretty chunky, even a tad bit more than me proportionately but she still had a nice womanly figure and I was very attracted to her.

 

My last "gripe" is that women say looks matter to them but not as much? Ok what is as much? I don't see any hotties running around with fat slobs. Where are all these couples that women speak of where the woman is way better looking? It's a socilogial FACT that people date those similar to them in appearance. Seldom do I see a couple where the man OR woman is punching out of his/her league.

 

Because there are a handful of insecure little girls who post here purporting to be women.

[Poppy fields]

Another thing we hear about is that women feel pressure to be attractive since birth becuase of magazines, movies etc. Well call me stupid but that guy next to that model in that magazine ad is pretty dam good looking too! That super hero in the movie is pretty dam fit and handsome! The difference is I think that men don't care about that stuff. I don't feel pressure to be good looking becuase guys with square jaws in magazines and crap. I have a decent size stomach but I'm not afraid to take my shirt off at the beach.

 

One thing you have to understand about the media pressure, they target girls at very young ages more so than they do boys. For exame, Victoria's Secret is starting a new campaign called Bright Young Things. It is targeted to girls in their early teens. So, girls get these glossy ads of super skinny, unattainable images at alarmingly younger and younger ages than guys have to deal with this.

 

Now, a grown woman who is intimidated by a Vogue magazine model needs to get over it. It is just harder for the younger girls who are having to face that marketing earlier and earlier now.

[reaver]

SJC I only wish most men had your attitude.

 

Thats all Im gonna say.

 

Not a hypocrite- none of my boyfriends were lookers and I get called hot often.

 

I dont hammer men for wanting to date someone theyre attracted to. Not at all. But in my experience, they tend to weigh looks more heavily when choosing a dating partner. Not saying personality is ignored completely, just lower on the priority list.

[chex]

One thing you have to understand about the media pressure, they target girls at very young ages more so than they do boys. For exame, Victoria's Secret is starting a new campaign called Bright Young Things. It is targeted to girls in their early teens. So, girls get these glossy ads of super skinny, unattainable images at alarmingly younger and younger ages than guys have to deal with this.

 

Now, a grown woman who is intimidated by a Vogue magazine model needs to get over it. It is just harder for the younger girls who are having to face that marketing earlier and earlier now.

 

I think guys are hit by it pretty young too, and it might be a tad more demoralizing(but less frequent) since guys don't really start looking like men till ~14 to 15 ... I know that when I was 11 I would constantly wonder why I didn't, why I couldn't have the pecs that the guys on magazines had, why my lips were too big, why my nose was too big, why my thighs were too fat. I never told anyone, of course, because I had to be a man, and men don't worry about their looks, they just look good.

Edited April 11, 2013 by chex

[Poppy fields]

I think guys are hit by it pretty young too, and it might be a tad more demoralizing(but less frequent) since guys don't really start looking like men till ~14 to 15 ... I know that when I was 11 I would constantly wonder why I didn't, why I couldn't have the pecs that the guys on magazines had, why my lips were too big, why my nose was too big, why my thighs were too fat. I never told anyone, of course, because I had to be a man, and men don't worry about their looks, they just look good.

 

Well then I guess it works both ways which is unfortunate.

[xxoo]

I don't think anyone wants men to date women they are not attracted to

 

When a person (either gender) complains of never being able to get a date, it makes me wonder what is going on...esp if they are rejecting people for not being attractive enough. Because if I could never, ever get loving, I'd probably start thinking that any warm, kind body looked attractive. So I don't quite get it.

[reaver]

Indeed, research shows that a person's own physical attractiveness predicts whom s/he is likely to choose as a romantic partner (Lee et al., 2008) and that men - for whom looks are more important in partner selection than for women (e.g. Harrison & Saeed, 1977, Buss, 1998, Li & Kenrick, 2006) - are more likely to fall in love with physical than psychological attributes (Galperin, 2010).

 

Im gonna find these articles and post them.

[SJC2008]

I've seen PLENTY of couples where the woman is really hot and the guy looks ugly and doesn't look presentable. Yes, it is true that the rule of thumb is that people will date those that are among "their level". I don't really get your thread, you're just stating the obvious. You're with that chunky woman based on her personality more, and she probably gives amazing blowjobs too. There are many factors that can trump looks or make up for the lack of looks. This is universal, it's nothing new.

 

Stating the obvious in that men are hammered for wanting to be attracted to the women they date or something else?

 

I was with that chunky woman becaue I was physically attracted to her and I liked her personality in the beginning. Trust me, her personality didn't make up for anything lol long story.

 

I don't doubt you see pleny of mismatched couples where you are. Where I live most couples seem to be evenly matched.

[SJC2008]

SJC I only wish most men had your attitude.

 

That's the second time you've complimented me today I'm starting to blush:love:

[reaver]

http://www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/ep080528.pdf

 

Harrison, A., & Saeed, L. (1977). Let's make a deal: An analysis of revelations and stipulations in lonely-hearts advertisements. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 35, 257-264.

 

Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences 12, 1-49.

[Poppy fields]

My husband is objectively more attractive than I am. I know people make comments, but it doesn't bother me. He must have chosen me for some reason, and I think I am pretty attractive in my own right. Not just up to his par, so to speak.

[chex]

Well then I guess it works both ways which is unfortunate.

 

I think almost all of it stops for guys after/midway through puberty though.

 

Unfortunately, I do know a few insecure guys with mediocre social skills + fat which is a terrible combination as far as self-esteem being effected by outside sources.

 

As far as I can see though, fit guys or guys with good social skills(or both) are less effected by the messages than, say, fit girls who still think they're fat, etc.

[tbf]

Are guys being hammered as a generality or are the ones who whine about not getting the bikini babe when they're not the bubba on the beach being hammered?

[ThaWholigan]

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting someone that you find attractive. I don't bash women for it and I don't bash men for it either. I tend to ignore the "shallow" argument, because I don't particularly see anything wrong with being "shallow". Not everybody is going to be a deep person romantically speaking - whether it benefits them or not. And this is not exclusive to men either.

 

As a man, a woman's character and internal traits mean a lot to me - but not at the expense of my physical attraction to her. I'm unapologetic about that.

[PJKino]

I don't think anyone wants men to date women they are not attracted to

 

When a person (either gender) complains of never being able to get a date, it makes me wonder what is going on...esp if they are rejecting people for not being attractive enough. Because if I could never, ever get loving, I'd probably start thinking that any warm, kind body looked attractive. So I don't quite get it.

 

Ehh if somebody makes you cringe just at the thought of being with them intimately i dont care how much lack of sucess you have its not something i can do personally.

 

I can get escorts if i want to have sex with attractive women

[reaver]

Ehh if somebody makes you cringe just at the thought of being with them intimately i dont care how much lack of sucess you have its not something i can do personally.

 

I can get escorts if i want to have sex with attractive women

 

"And I raaaan...I ran so far away.....couldnt get away"

[StanMusial]

I rarely see a couple in which the man is more attractive than the woman. Then again I probably wouldn't notice unless he looked like Adonis and the woman was a heifer. In the few cases I can think of where maybe this did happen, the guy was typically not much more attractive and a real loser in other aspects of his life - chronically unemployed, poor character, lazy, unmotivated, etc.