Weathergirl Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 (edited) Maybe you should post on here when you feel like checking? Or write your own blog? I could have easily blocked him on FB, trouble is I didn't want to, i was being stubborn, I wanted to see. I thought it would help me, but it didn't. It made it worse. I will think about rewards and let you know...is there anything you would really like to have or do? Yes!!! Sunny England. I'm looking outside blue skies and sunshine. Sheepskin coat essential however. Enjoy your Sunday x Edited April 21, 2013 by Weathergirl Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Everything you're describing in these last posts on this thread are the furthest thing from NC and you know it. `Checking blogs, FB, whatever...same as LC `Interpreting what you read on these sources...same as breadcrumbs `Bouncing all over in your thoughts about your EX...all snowballing Spell out for us what you really want so we can help, otherwise all we're doing is coaching you on what you're doing wrong in NC which you already know. You are using this thread a confessional. Sorry to be harsh here, but it's time to spell it out for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author targaryen Posted April 22, 2013 Author Share Posted April 22, 2013 Am 4 Real you always have harsh truths to say I want her back, but it doesn't matter what I want does it? I've been on NC for almost 3 months hoping to change and stop wanting this, but kept checking the blog - maybe making NC useless in that sense.I started this thread to post here instead of checking her blog when I have the urge, but I shouldn't have the urge in the fist place. I failed after 10 days .. Weathergirl, I'm glad to hear you're getting some sun in England. My friends in the Netherlands are still getting snowed in and it's late April! I'm restarting today...hopefully this time I won't fail because I won't be counting the days; instead I'm shifting my approach - each time I want to check I'll just remove myself from the internet ..go walking or something. Not sure how to reward myself for resisting, I pamper myself so much already! Link to post Share on other sites
Weathergirl Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Pamper yourself more Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 We are here to support you with what you really want, not pamper you. In that regard any of us will offer "you" the best advice we can. If you really want her out of of your life and over, our advice will focus on tried and true methods for helping you achieve it. However, if you're not sure, we will probe you with questions to help you get to the bottom of your feelings and perhaps put perspective on all of those emotions. In your post I read you were not sure. Hence, I'm probing you. I asked you to spell it out so we could go forward for what "you" want, not what the LS board "thinks" you should have. Now we know from your latest posting you want her back. I understand that. Unfortunately, I cannot help you with that desire and the boot salesmen that show up on here occasionally soliciting the $29.95 e-books on the subject won't either. Sorry. Since you have already tried to get her back, no doubt. And failed, no doubt, her intentions are clear. When someone DOES NOT WANT YOU, do you really WANT THEM? Not desire old memories or the old relationship, I mean them. Think about it: SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU; SHE IS REJECTING YOU. In that, DOES IT NOT SEEM RIDICULOUS TO WANT THEM? So, given the aforementioned paragraph and the words in BOLD case, what do you really want to do next? Am 4 Real you always have harsh truths to say I want her back, but it doesn't matter what I want does it? I've been on NC for almost 3 months hoping to change and stop wanting this, but kept checking the blog - maybe making NC useless in that sense.I started this thread to post here instead of checking her blog when I have the urge, but I shouldn't have the urge in the fist place. I failed after 10 days .. ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LumberJack Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 ...do you really WANT THEM? Not desire old memories or the old relationship, I mean them. I like this alot. I've only recently started to realise that what I've been fantasizing about for months wasn't really getting her back. Sometimes it wasn't even the old relationship. It was being in that position where she wants me and I'm completely indifferent. Petty revenge. Surprised to find I had that in me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author targaryen Posted April 22, 2013 Author Share Posted April 22, 2013 Since you have already tried to get her back, no doubt. And failed, no doubt, her intentions are clear. When someone DOES NOT WANT YOU, do you really WANT THEM? Not desire old memories or the old relationship, I mean them. Think about it: SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU; SHE IS REJECTING YOU. In that, DOES IT NOT SEEM RIDICULOUS TO WANT THEM? I never tried to get her back. From her perpsective I went NC immediately and stayed that way. I kept checking her blog but she does not know that. So my doubt was more along the lines of should I try? And the answer, of course is no, because what you said makes so much sense Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Understood; thank you for clarifying my error. Hang in there and stay away from her blogs/FB and so on...it will be much easier if you can. I never tried to get her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author targaryen Posted April 23, 2013 Author Share Posted April 23, 2013 Hey no worries. There's a lot of people on here - one can't possibly keep track of each individual story's nuances. I just wanted to post that I regret turning this thread into something of a suck fest considering the whole point was about moving forward. But I'm taking back control and I'm moving forward. Today has been the 2nd day of pure no contact, not even checking the blog, I want to get over my previous 12 day record! Eventually I'm bound to reach 30 days Link to post Share on other sites
Author targaryen Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 Update: just broke NC after 2.5 months http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/388727-just-broke-nc-after-2-5-months Link to post Share on other sites
BLS Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 Just read the OP. Excellent idea, you're not likely to find anything there to make you feel any better. Also, try to learn to live with the fact that you'll never have *all* the answers and live with it. For me that's one of the hardest things to do, but it's proving itself more and more possible every day Link to post Share on other sites
swiftly333 Posted April 27, 2013 Share Posted April 27, 2013 (edited) You've inspired me. I have been checking my ex Facebook ( he defriended me but I can still see some stuff, enough to see he's flirting with some one else, it hurt so bad) I've been checking his blog, rereading emails... I deleted all text messages again and my browser history so the url doesn't pop up and Im going to try this, to. Checking up on him is not helping. I broke up with him but immediately regretted it but he's standing firm.... it seems he's jsust talking to me just enough to get me to think those might be a chance.... it's been horrible. But had I not checked up on him I wouldn't know he's seeing someone else and would still be trying, so even if it hurts, maybe I needed to. But at this point knowing more would only salt the wounds.... I'm hoping after 30 days I won't want to check up in him, text him, call him, email him or anything. I haven't since Monday and its making me feel crazy. Another thing I am doing is along the lines of cognitive behavior therapy and working on changing my thought process. Every time I feel sad and miss him I tell myself I don't need anyone in my life who doesn't want me and respect me. I think of positive things to look forward to, example, I might be living in Europe for the fall. I talk to myself about all the good things about being single, and remind myself that in time I will heal. I congratulate myself the the work I'm doing in therapy to improve myself and work through the issues so I can avoid having the same issues in future relationships. When I start to worry about what he's doing I shift that energy into focusing on to what I'm doing. It's hard work, but I can feel it getting easier little by little, and I hope one day I will replace those thoughts completely and automatically. When I get on the computer and I want to check his blog, I go to here instead, it start researching for my trip, it write down things I want to do that I wasn't doing because u was in a relationship. It really helps to have a project to focus on. My project is planning for living abroad for a few months & therapy. Maybe this will inspire you to find a project you b can spend doing and researching when you find yourself tempted. Or if I just feel to exhausted yo think anymore, I will leave my phone & all electric devices home and go for a walk a hike or a swim.... just to get away from the temptation to check on my phone or whatever. Obviously I'm in only the beginning phases, and its filled with ups and downs and its a constant daily struggle, but your post helped me. But if I just need to get through 30 days, then that's an achievable goal.... so maybe we can help support each other? I've said I was going NC and broke it many times... it's okay to start again. Best of luck. Edited April 27, 2013 by swiftly333 Link to post Share on other sites
bitterruin Posted April 27, 2013 Share Posted April 27, 2013 There's an addon both for Chrome and Firefox called Blocksite. I used it to block his Tumblr and Instagram, and even though I blocked him on facebook I blocked him there too just in case. It's some kind of parental control so you need a password to access it. So far it's worked great for me but if your willpower alone can't help you then ask a friend to password protect it for you. I find that willpower is a limited resource and blocking it rather than having to control myself is more efficient since I can use that will for something else, like the gym. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
swiftly333 Posted April 28, 2013 Share Posted April 28, 2013 Bitterruin, that's a good suggestion, but I usually use my kindle, don't know how to block sites on there... but maybe I should. I am already attempted to look, but I'm also scared that ids have to see the page in order to block it. I'm afraid I'll they an block it that I can just take a peek... eek!! Link to post Share on other sites
bitterruin Posted April 28, 2013 Share Posted April 28, 2013 (edited) You don't need to look at the website to block it, all you have to know is the address (which I'm sure you do). Also, don't take a last peak, I made that mistake and it made me feel ****ty because I saw things I shouldn't have. I can still access things from my phone cause I hadn't thought of that so I have yet to figure out how to block it from the iPhone, but it gets easier and easier to stop checking once you do it for a while. Edited April 28, 2013 by bitterruin Link to post Share on other sites
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