Valley_gurl Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 I was hoping that SOMEONE, ANYONE. Could help me with my problems. I really don't want to talk to anyone I know about this because I feel like such a horrible person for having these feelings to begin with. Here's the problem: I am currently having lots of resentment and anger toward my Husband. He hasn't worked in 6 months and has been on unemployment. Meanwhile, I am left to be the major breadwinner and we are WAY behind on our bills and anything else that requires money. We have even had to borrow money from my family to pay for emergency necessary items because our credit is so bad. I have discussed how upset this makes me, and he said he's trying. (I know how hard he is trying, I see him everyday and talk to him constantly). He is now doing some sort of part time contracting work to bring in money immediately, but I don't know how long this will last. I know that he must feel really down that he isn't bringing in any money, but I really feel like I don't matter in this situation at all. I feel like he is just using me and my family as a safety net and doing whatever makes him feel good. I think my biggest concern with this is that I feel insignificant because it seems that he doesn't care enough to put forth the effort. To compound this problem, I have been talking with my ex-boyfriend (he was "the one" until we lost touch 7 years ago) and am having problems dealing with that as well. He was always great to me and has recently informed me that he never stopped loving me (even when he was married). I know how he feels, because I've had a HUGE problem letting him go. He has always been the one that I compared everyone else to. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him (there never has been since we dated in high school). My ex does help me by giving me great advice and being there as a friend no matter what. I love him dearly for that alone. However, last night I was discussing my problems with my H and the $$ stuff. He told me that he thinks I need to re-discover myself because I am unhappy with me and I need to change that before I can be happy in any relationship. He said that if I was happy with me and my current situation than it wouldn't matter what was happening in my life, because I would just be greatful and excited that my H and I were together. This scared me, because I think he is right and I am afraid that this means that I have put myself in an awful situation with my H. In addition, I have been having dreams about this problem. In them, my H confronts me about cheating (which I am not doing) and starts going crazy crying and screaming. Then, I run away and he (and sometimes other people chase me) and I find my ex. When I see him, I scream out his name and we run to each other and embrace and,for the first time in years, I feel such a peaceful and content feeling come over me. I guess I just really need some outside opinions. Please, anything that you can give me would be helpful.
Breathe Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Maybe you should really consider a trial separation here. This way, your Husband would be forced to get off his butt and get a job to support himself, and you don't have to worry about anything but making yourself happy. Granted a marriage should be 100-100% each way, for better for worse all that mumbo jumbo - but it sounds like your giving and he's just taking here. If you left, he'd have to take a stand and realize why you left and if he wants you back, he'll have to make a honest effort to work harder in certain areas for you. However, as far as the other guy is concerned - this shouldn't be a concern. Meaning, you ARE married. If you don't want to be married, then file for divorce and do what you will. But don't go behind your husbands back and do things you wouldn't normally do in front of him. How would you feel if he contacted a lost love? Be respectful of all things here.
aFighter Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Everyone goes through hard times at some stage, nothing is all peaches and cream. It will get better. Sounds to me like your ex knows you aren't very happy right now and is sniffing about, you'd want to mind he doesn't try to take advantage of your distressed state to get you in the sack, maybe your dream is warning you of this? In any case, light a fire under your hubbys butt and don't do anything stupid with the other guy. Just my 2c.
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