Soulsearching29 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 i was doing so well with my ex fwb. No contact, strict, for a few weeks now and i was starting to forget and concentrate on other things. Then bam, a few hours ago we ended up waiting for and taking the same bus. I looked AWFUL. I actually thought before leaving my apartment that i looked bad, hair messy, shabby clothes, but i just thought never mind just going out for an hour wont see anyone. I hate that he saw me looking so bad, no make up, really not pretty at all. It was a long journey together because of traffic, no one mentioned the 'closure letter' i sent him ... bleurgh i feel crap. After he got off the bus until now i cant stop thinking about him. I was half expecting a text on my phone like 'it was nice to see you' or something, NOTHING I didn't have much to say I was trying to seem indifferent but it just came accross as boring and nothing to say for myself because we were stuck together for so long. I so was going to never break NC!! its not fair, im utterly depressed with the whole encounter. looking a mess, being boring, being embarrased. he seemed fine. freindly but like i am an aquaintance. CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM NOW. was doing so good and now i feel like i am doing so bad. back to square one but worse. :-(((
icsvortex Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 it's pretty clear from his reaction that he has moved on...he didn't text you (which is usually a clear sign of feelings) and had none if any contact with you. You probably left a little bad taste in his mouth and he has just moved on. I'd go back to what you where doing before him
Author Soulsearching29 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 i feel like i was the one in power BEFORE tonight too, and now, NO. i stopped Facebook, i stopped talking to him and texting himand staying in contact and it made me feel good, it was the right thing to do. the way i stopped our friendship i thought would give him a chance to miss me and think about me. at least a bit. but seeing him tonight, i feel like he got his fill of me? he saw me looking rubbish, we spent a lot of time together because we were stuck together and i feel like from the moment he stepped off the bus he is over it and no longer misses me. i know its vain but i hate that i looked so bad (lesson learned there loll) Also the fact that i talked to him, didnt have a problem with him, chatted ( a bit distant but still) that he knows now i'll always talk to him when we meet. he probably also thinks i'd probably responds to his texts too. i hate that there was no follow up text after he left the bus. i wish he had sent a 'kisses' or a 'was nice to see you' anything !! that i would be in the position to respond or not again. i feel by not sending me a text he is initiating no contact now not me????!!!! so depressing, am completely caught up in him again like before :-(( thinking about him constantly since i saw him (4 hours or so ago)
icsvortex Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 by not speaking to you his is moving on and still has moved on just like you need to start doing. He is not interested anymore if he was you would have known it sorry
Author Soulsearching29 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 also have put on weight since i last saw him. really depressed at this whole thing. it's not fair to be doing so well with NC and then HAVE to break it because you see them. It was not like on a night out i could say hello and move on, we were stuck at a bus stop! and then on same part of bus. the fact that he is not texting me something just shows that seeing me didnt affect him in any any way and in a way caused him t have less feelings for me and missing me less than before. i feel totally different from before today when i was progressing excellently, i feel the opposite. i feel like even texting him right now / at the moment... initiating contact !!!!!! so depressing
Author Soulsearching29 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 ics - yeah you're right. just venting i guess. low point today after seeing him. was doing pretty good b4.
Author Soulsearching29 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 i feel so down that i am not receiving a message from him.
Calvin's wagon Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Hi! I understand how you feel. A couple of times after the break up I met my ex, usually when I looked my messiest:) My advice to you is to start the NC again, and use this as a reminder if you'll see him again - to not approach him or acknowledge him. I did that and it helped. Also, if you're worried about how you looked, what you said,..., that it will lessen your appeal: 1. i know a part of you still wants to be with him, but try to remind yourself that you shouldn't be worrying what he thinks 2. he has known you for 3 years. In those 3 years I imagine he saw you endless times at your best, your most beautiful, funny, kind, ... Seeing you messy one time now shouldn't change what he knows and thinks about you based on 3 years of experience. And if it does, it's just another sign that he wasn't the one/good for you... Whenever you'll start to think about him again: - distract yourself by doing sth else (go running, meet friends,...) - don't think about his good sides, but think about why it's good that you two aren't together and why he isn't so good for you It's hard to maintain NC and to get over someone. There will perhaps be setbacks, but eventually it will get better. And I hope our advice will help you in this! I hope to hear from you again, and best of wishes!
Author Soulsearching29 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 i couldn't have NOT aknowledged him we were the ONLY 2 people at a small surburban bus stop. !!
Calvin's wagon Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Hi. I understand that you feel like you are obliged (by social protocol etc.) to talk to acknowledge him, especially in such a situation. But you don't have to. Seriously. Your well being is more important than some "social protocol". And if you're worried what he'll think of you if you ignore him - eventually you'll have to stop caring what he thinks. This might be a good exercise at not caring. Or just say hi and leave it at that. Also, if you can ignore him, it will give you a sense of power and control over your life. I attended the same faculty as my ex. After she broke up with me, a couple of times I meet her in students' room, when we were alone. Eventually I learnt to ignore her, perhaps just say hi. If I could, I went away afterwards, or just did my own business and ignored her. You don't have any duty whatsoever to talk to him, nor should you worry what he thinks of you for not talking to him. You see what talking to him does to you (not good) - so put yourself first! Don't talk to him, if it makes you feel worse. And I'm curious what do you think about the rest of my previous post? Best wishes!
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