1 month in ex gf contacts

April 10, 2013

Hi, this is my first time posting here and its gonna be a long one, so just bear with me.

My ex and i broke up a roughly a month ago. Her choice. Wed had an on n off kinda relationship for about 1.5 years, but it was only two months or so that i realized that i loved her, shed told me she loved me right around that time. Our break up was sudden to me. Out of nowhere she gave me a laundry list of reasons, nothing in specific. Then a few days later we had a nice long chat where she basically said she just wanted to move on and hoped wed be friends, coz we were the best of friends before we started dating.

I did the whole no contact, ritual but she msgd me a couple days ago, just usual how r u, hows life stuff. We got talking n soon enough she told me shed started seeing someone else, casually and that it may become more or not. However today i saw her fb post by accident where she said that shed started developing feelings for someone.

Now i wish her nothing but the very best n all happiness but somehow i cant help but feel that for her to start having feelings for a guy a month after our break up somehow doesn't sit well with me. How is it possible to just move on from a guy u claimed to have loved onto someone else in a month.

Whatever her reasons what im trying to figure out is what am i supposed to do now?? shes been very clear that she doesn't want to get back n while im not ok with it, i respect it. I just need some advice on how to deal with this, specially considering we have the same friend circle n im sure to bump into her every now and again.

Cheers

April 10, 2013

Ok so pretty much she got bored with the relationship, found some new guy who sparked her interest and used the "I wanna keep you in my life but just as friends" line, which is fine man. But I'm telling you right now that what that means is she probably will never have contact with you again and if she does it will be awkward. How do you handle the new guy situation or bumping into her with him? You get out there and start dating and starting bringing girls that are your friends to hangout with your buddies at events. If you bring a girl with you and she is there, and she has any feelings left for you, then she will text you with something. Hang in there its a ****ty road but sometimes best to move on.

April 10, 2013

Sorry to say this, but you are not her friend. You didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the end result is you being nothing more than a really good friend to her.

And she knows this. That was the purpose of the text. She wanted you to know about her and some other dude before you found out through someone else. In a sick sorta way, she felt that she kinda owed it to you. That was the ONLY reason for that text.

Go a hard NC on her. You need to ignore all calls and texts. Ignore e-mail and finally (and this is the hardest thing for most people to do) block her on facebook. She already told you that there's someone else. So, no need to hide it anymore. She'll start posting lovey dovey pics of them together. And you don't need to see that crap.

April 10, 2013

Hi!

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through!

My thoughts:

- like others have said, she wanted you to know about this other guy. I think that's quite mean or, best case scenario, insensitive of her. And that's another reason why you should be glad she's not your SO anymore

- developing feelings for someone else 1 month after breakup? That doesn't give me a good impression of her. Either she was already developing feelings for him while you were together, or she is needy of validation that she cannot stay single. Maybe some 3rd option. In any case, another reason why you should be glad she's not with you.

My ex gf told me on the day she broke up with me that she needs to be alone, to be single for a while. A couple of hours later when I went to get my stuff, she told me she doesn't know what she would do if a certain guy would ask her to be his gf, and that she couldn't forgive herself for not trying with him. That is the same guy she cheated on me with at the beginning of our relationship.

It seems to me like she doesn't respect you, like my ex didn't respect me.

- she gave you a laundry list instead of talking things with you when they appeared. another reason.

- whenever you'll feel bad about not being her, write down all the reasons why she's not good for you! I've already seen a lot from your post, and I'm sure there are more.

- like others have said, go HARD NC. Read the NC guide (in my signature)! Avoid hearing from her, about her, talking to her, looking at her facebook. My advice is to go off facebook compltetely for some time, or at least unfriend (explain them if necessary) all the common friends, so you won't have her comments popping up on their newsfeeds on your FB. If they're your friends, they'll understand. Block her, create a filter on your email for her mails to go to bin directly, change phone number or block her.

- she's not your friend, you cannot be her friend, don't torture yourself by hoping you'll get her back if you walk after her like a pathetic puppy.

- get new friends! I can't stress that enough.

- if you plan on seeing your common friends, explain them that they are to NOT say anything to you about her, and that when you're about to meet, to let you know if she's there. Tell them you want to be just with them, not with her in the company.

- if you see her at a party, drinks, ... - go away or ignore her. There will be other drinks, other parties where she won't be.

Don't keep yourself suffering more than you need to. Cut her off completely from your life. She chose that by dumping you for another guy and then rubbing it in your face. She doesn't deserve anything more from you, she doesn't respect and if you are entartaining the idea of getting back together, I think chances are that you'll get even more screw---ed up because of her.

One day you will perhaps, like me, look back and say to yourself that you wish you'd cut her off completely much sooner. I wrote an email to my ex gf telling her to never ever talk to me again, and that if by any chance she ever sees me again, to not approach me.

I hope i'm not projecting my situation too much into yours, but from what you've written, she has some serious issues, doesn't love you or respect you and would seriously mess u up if you ever interacted with her again. Make her completely history in your life. You will start to feel better with time and respect yourself, learn how to set boundaries and recognize red flags. Move on and give yourself the best chance to be happy by yourself and eventually with someone who will love you and respect you.

And we're here for you!

Best wishes

P.S.: Read books "No more Mr. Nice guy" and "toxic parents". Both available in pdf online. They helped me immensely after the break up.

April 12, 2013

Thanks guys for ur replies, gives me a new perspective on my situation. To further expand on my ongoing break up, ive started with a complete NC with my ex.

A bit of background is required here, so bear with me. Id just found out about this site a few days ago and before that id thot that having the whole "lets stay friends" was the mature thing to do. So we'd decided to remain on what she termed as "friendly terms". However once i read thru all the content on this site i decided a complete NC was my best course of action, so i did the phone number deleting, fb blocking. A few hours later i got a message from her saying "have u deleted me from fb". I messaged back with the recommended reply found here on the "Caliguy No contact guide" (which i must say is quite helpful). i got a reply from her in the form of a long msg which id like to share here:

You've crossed all limits I****. This is the last f****ng straw. I cant believe you can be so incredibly stupid and immature. I dont even recognize you anymore.

Try all you want, but all your stupid stunts are not gona affect me or even in the least make me like you or come back to you. You and I are over. You've lost me forever. Just the way you lost L** forever. The only difference being you dint kill me in car crash.

After everything that we've been through, after every thing that I have done and sacrificed for you, this is how you repay me, treat me. By deleting and blocking me? Bravo man, you've shown what a true man you are..

I am convinced that going away from you was the best decision I ever made in the past couple of days and you're just proving me right.

You dint deserve any happiness. Not with L**, not with me. Are you're so dysfunctional that even with the little bit of happiness you do get, you take it, and mould it an squeeze and screw it up so that it sucks for you again. I dont think you're ever gona be happy. I dont think you're ever gona make your parents proud. I dont think you're capable of even living past 30 due to your indulgences.

I am not sorry for tearing up that fu***ng stuffed bear. It deserved it. It was a worthless piece of crap. And now even your poster is gone. I have gotten rid of all your stuff coz I definitely want you out of my life for good now.

F**k friendly terms, you dont even know what that means.

Also the answer to your question, I am very happy with A*****. He is everything you're not. And he is crazy about me already. He treats me the way I want to be treated. One day I might just fall in love with him. One day I will probably marry him. Coz I am actually ready to give it a real shot with him. I am not scared like I was with you. The uncertainty doesnt bother me anymore. Coz after you I think I can handle any sort of crap.

If this is the only way you want to deal with me moving on, then so be it. See if I care. I am just as good as the girl who died in that car crash that YOU caused

I must explain here, L** was my ex gf, well sort of. She was my first serious relationship and it ended in a car accident. Drunk driver T-boned us, i survived with a few scratches, she didnt. That screwed me up for quite a while and this relationship with my ex now was the first time id connected with any person, let alone a girl. So to see her say all this to me, out of spite or anger is becoming very hurtful. I just dont understand where shes getting all this hatred from.

I know i wasnt the model bf, far from it. But i did give it my best. I made sure she knew that i had certain issues regarding commitment, which i know she was well aware of coz we were the best of friends for over a year. I was never dishonest with her about my intentions regarding where i thought our relationship was heading and she always assured me that she understood my problems and insecurities just as i believe i did hers. Ours might not have been the perfect relationship but it was ours. To hear her stoop to this level is baffling. Where is it all coming from??

On a better note, i did bump into her today. Proud to say i didnt break NC and just walked away without a second glance and for the first time i didnt feel that tug i always felt whenever she was around. Maybe im making some progress..

As for the indulgences mentioned earlier, i hardly think being a fan of beer and having the occasional cigar socially can be called indulgences..

Thanks for listening..

Cheers

April 12, 2013