throughthetrees Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Hey guys, So I initiated a breakup with my ex a week ago. He immediately initiated NC, but didn’t give me instructions per say, he just didn’t contact me and I didn’t contact him. I really want to contact him to talk about things and see how he’s doing, but I’m getting the impression that this would be wrong? Is it better for me to be completely NC or is it better for me to check on how he’s doing? Please don’t be harsh, I’ve been a dumpee a number of times too! And it’s hard for us as well, I think about him for most of the day, feel very guilty and unsure about whether I did the right thing. I still love him and care about him deeply.
Echo000 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Give it time..way more time than a week. If you want to be back together, contact him in the nearer future. If you want to be simply friends, give it at least 3 months. Trust me, the guy probably has a broken heart. Let him heal.
TheFriend Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Don't do it if you don't want to get back together. You will only mess with his head, and having been the Dumpee before i am sure you know how that feels. My ex contacted me and I lit up like a kid on Christmas, then was crushed when it was not what I expected. Be sure, to know what you want before you do it. 4
LostOne1 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Don't do it if you don't want to get back together. You will only mess with his head, and having been the Dumpee before i am sure you know how that feels. My ex contacted me and I lit up like a kid on Christmas, then was crushed when it was not what I expected. Be sure, to know what you want before you do it. I agree... Unless she knows FOR SURE she wants to go back to him. She ONLY then should contact him. If there is no intention of getting back, then contacting is worthless and will cause further grief. 1
SuperGeek Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 (edited) How about you just leave him alone and let him heal? Contacting him is just going to make him think you're still interested and hurt him more. Yes I understand you have guilt, but that's just something you are going to have to learn to get through on your own and without him. Leave him be and let him heal from you ending the relationship. Respect his space. It really doesn't matter at this point how he is doing and YOU can't do anything about it anyway. He has to get over it on his own and you have to move on. That is in fact the reason you dumped his ass right? So you could move on? I don't understand dumpers that want to do what you're asking and drive the knife in even more. My ex did it to me and it seriously sucked at the time. Leave him alone. Hey guys, So I initiated a breakup with my ex a week ago. He immediately initiated NC, but didn’t give me instructions per say, he just didn’t contact me and I didn’t contact him. I really want to contact him to talk about things and see how he’s doing, but I’m getting the impression that this would be wrong? Is it better for me to be completely NC or is it better for me to check on how he’s doing? Please don’t be harsh, I’ve been a dumpee a number of times too! And it’s hard for us as well, I think about him for most of the day, feel very guilty and unsure about whether I did the right thing. I still love him and care about him deeply. Edited April 10, 2013 by SuperGeek 2
Sugarkane Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 If you aren't serious about getting back together, than contacting will make your ex very annoyed and angry. 1
destroyed4sho Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Why do you feel the need to contact? Do you want to start a friendship and see where it goes? I find that contacting the dumpee is cruel unless you want to get back with them. 1
Coping Vortex Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Ask yourself. Is it a fight or a BU? If it's a fight don't wait while feelings fester. Apologize and tell him how you really feel. If you do not want to get back together but just feel guilty, do NOTHING. Leave him alone.
MW93i Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 My ex is contacting me still without wanting to get back, it's playing on my mind constantly now and I'm starting to hate her. Don't do it if you arent 100% sure what you want.
Coping Vortex Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 My ex is contacting me still without wanting to get back, it's playing on my mind constantly now and I'm starting to hate her. Don't do it if you arent 100% sure what you want. I had four months of that. I am so done with the lies that go along with it. Actions have more meaning than words. People tell each other they love each all the time etc. Its actions that mean something. Words mean nothing without actions to back the up.
h3braica Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 I've been dumped and feels like he hates me so much that is why i go NC right after BU. It hurts a lot but I can't think of any other way but to move on and heal my own heart. It hurts even more when the dumper contacting the dumpee just to throw bread crumbs. It made me hate him more for doing it. he removed me from his life telling me insulting words just to leave him alone and after a couple of weeks of being in NC he told me he misses me so much. You know you hurt him by breaking up with him why still care? give him time to heal if you want to help him.
geegirl Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 (edited) Hey guys, So I initiated a breakup with my ex a week ago. He immediately initiated NC, but didn’t give me instructions per say, he just didn’t contact me and I didn’t contact him. I really want to contact him to talk about things and see how he’s doing, but I’m getting the impression that this would be wrong? Is it better for me to be completely NC or is it better for me to check on how he’s doing? Please don’t be harsh, I’ve been a dumpee a number of times too! And it’s hard for us as well, I think about him for most of the day, feel very guilty and unsure about whether I did the right thing. I still love him and care about him deeply. How is he doing? You know how he's doing. If you have been a dumpee, you obviously understand that after a week, he's probably going through a tough time. When you chose to end it, you chose to step out of his life. Put your feelings aside for now, consider his need for NC as his determination to stay the course of healing and let him be. Love him and care for him enough to allow the man to deal with the break-up the best way he knows how and if that means he needs to stay NC, you follow his lead and do so. Edited April 10, 2013 by geegirl
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