Why do people get into committed relationships and then plan to cheat?

[Silly24]

Now my experience regarding this issue is with only with one man (the only man who cheated on me), but I'm sure this can relate to women as I dont' believe cheating has a specific gender.

 

So, for those who purposely pursue a relationship and then cheat anyway. Why?

 

Is it the chase?

Is it insecurity?

Is it control?

Is it a way to punish your partner?

 

Just curious...

[spice4life]

Good question. I have no idea because my brain doesn't think that way. I'm a monogomous person by nature and wouldn't be able to handle deceiving someone I love and am comitted to. It could be any number of reasons, but in the end I have found that most of the time it comes down to poor coping skills. If a person merely does it because they feel entitled to do so and would to do it to anyone then my guess is pure selfishness and a severe lack of empathy.

Edited April 10, 2013 by spice4life

[whichwayisup]

Now my experience regarding this issue is with only with one man (the only man who cheated on me), but I'm sure this can relate to women as I dont' believe cheating has a specific gender.

 

So, for those who purposely pursue a relationship and then cheat anyway. Why?

 

Is it the chase?

Is it insecurity?

Is it control?

Is it a way to punish your partner?

 

Just curious...

 

I don't believe most people enter a relationship with intentions of cheating or in the back of their minds are thinking "Hey, now I've got a girlfriend/boyfriend, I'm gonna go cheat on her/him" That would be pretty f'ing sick and twisted.

[2sunny]

Because they are broken.

 

They are selfish and self centered.

[wisernow]

I don't believe most people enter a relationship with intentions of cheating or in the back of their minds are thinking "Hey, now I've got a girlfriend/boyfriend, I'm gonna go cheat on her/him" That would be pretty f'ing sick and twisted.

 

I so agree with this. I've never IRL known anyone who enters a relationship with the end game being to cheat on that person. Now, why do affairs happen after? Many, many reasons which could be debated from now until eternity.

[Woggle]

Because they are selfish and greedy.

[Lillyfree]

I don't believe most people enter a relationship with intentions of cheating or in the back of their minds are thinking "Hey, now I've got a girlfriend/boyfriend, I'm gonna go cheat on her/him" That would be pretty f'ing sick and twisted.

 

it would take a truly messed up person do do something like that.

[Silly24]

Good responses and probably all correct.

 

My ex stated in the past he was ignored once the children were born so he found a mistress and then later went a little crazy with a few ladies at work.

 

I've learned that he would look for other women on dating websites, if I didn't call or see him on time due to my working late or some other life obligation. I began to worry all the time about seeing or getting to him right away. Eventually, I tired and I broke up with him.

 

Turns out he was extremely insecure, constantly looking for validation from women and always found a way to blame me.

 

But this is only one type of cheater.

 

I have a girlfriend who cheated to get out of a very bad marriage. It was stupid she admits, but by nature she is very managomous and happily married now.

[stillafool]

OP I wonder the same thing. Why don't Cheaters stay single so they can play all they want. Why involve innocent people in their madness? These people deserve to be alone.

[Got it]

Now my experience regarding this issue is with only with one man (the only man who cheated on me), but I'm sure this can relate to women as I dont' believe cheating has a specific gender.

 

So, for those who purposely pursue a relationship and then cheat anyway. Why?

 

Is it the chase?

Is it insecurity?

Is it control?

Is it a way to punish your partner?

 

Just curious...

 

I didn't get into a relationship and then plan to cheat. I don't think the majority of WS do, i.e. that it is a conscious preplanned endeavor.

[Turtles]

Mostly, a cheater needs to be dishonest to cheat.

 

 

By definition a totally honest person cannot cheat.

 

Easy answer, but is there such a thing as a "totally honest person"? By definition no human is perfect.

[thefooloftheyear]

Mostly, a cheater needs to be dishonest to cheat.

 

 

By definition a totally honest person cannot cheat.

 

Presidents of USA have cheated.

 

CIA Head Honcho David Petraeus cheated.

 

With all these people have to lose and the ultimate scrutiny that these folks work under in a daily basis you would think its impossible. But it isnt. That gives some idea of the power of this type of attraction.

 

I suppose you could also make the case that to have a job like that you would almost have to be narcissistic.

 

TFOY

[Turtles]

hey, that is the ultimate rationalization.

 

 

I agree, no one is perfect, but cheating requires a significant amount of deceit to be successful.

 

True, though I like to think of it more as "lacking morals" rather than "skilled at deceit".

[DelusionalOne]

Are all of you done with your venting now?

 

Is your scope of thought so limited that you actually believe that the majority of people intend to cheat after getting into a committed relationship? And are proud of it?

 

One very important lesson I learned in the last year... Be very careful about the words you throw out to the Universe.... You may find yourself eating them at a later date.

[Got it]

Just like other less than desirable personality traits.

[MissBee]

Now my experience regarding this issue is with only with one man (the only man who cheated on me), but I'm sure this can relate to women as I dont' believe cheating has a specific gender.

 

So, for those who purposely pursue a relationship and then cheat anyway. Why?

 

Is it the chase?

Is it insecurity?

Is it control?

Is it a way to punish your partner?

 

Just curious...

 

I think many people don't plan on it but have poor boundaries and it leads them there then the idea is that "they didn't mean for it to happen." I get it. Likewise, some are in a situation in which that route becomes tempting and it is at that point that they pursue it or act in ways that invite it to "just happen".

 

As for those who plan on it...I know a couple men like that. These men are misogynists who grew up in a way that made them believe that being with every woman on earth is their right and privilege and those were "natural needs" of men and women should accept that. They however want a steady wife and gf at home still who is ofcourse faithful to them. Essentially they want both the perks of being in a R as well as still behaving single. I unfortunately know several men like this. One of them is never short a gf...he ALWAYS has a gf, and he has never been faithful to any of them and for him, he doesn't see it as a problem, so long as they don't know. I doubt he plans to stop. It is a lack of awareness, being selfish, egotistical, and emotionally immature in his case. I'm sure he will plan to marry and do the same thing. It sickens me and I am sorry for anyone who marries him.

Edited April 10, 2013 by MissBee

[Silly24]

One very important lesson I learned in the last year... Be very careful about the words you throw out to the Universe.... You may find yourself eating them at a later date.

 

What have we thrown out exactly? It was a question.

 

 

And of course now I'm curious as to what exactly you "ate at a later date"?

[Poppy fields]

I did not enter my marriage planning to cheat. I had a very unfortunate year where I lost a pregnancy and felt no support from my husband. I felt alienated in my own home. I had an emotional breakdown and left home to pursue a relationship with a lost love of mine. Hoping to feel like myself again.

 

None of this is an excuse for my behavior, but it is the chain of events that transpired prior to my affair. I am not proud of it, it was most certainly not planned when I entered my marriage, and I am not sorry it happened because it was the catalyst for ending my marriage and being in the position to discover the beautiful life that I have now. Which is, for the record, not with my affair partner.

[threelaurels]

Now my experience regarding this issue is with only with one man (the only man who cheated on me), but I'm sure this can relate to women as I dont' believe cheating has a specific gender.

 

So, for those who purposely pursue a relationship and then cheat anyway. Why?

 

Is it the chase?

Is it insecurity?

Is it control?

Is it a way to punish your partner?

 

Just curious...

 

I did not enter the relationship planning to cheat. I had been cheated on by a previous boyfriend several times with random people from Craigslist. Then I was cheated on by my boyfriend. I chose to stay. He was emotionally abusive and he would hit me. I wanted to leave but couldn't find the strength to do it.

 

Then I met my current boyfriend and we developed feelings for each other. We were friends (in an emotional affair) for a little while but then things got physical and we ended up kissing/making out one day.

 

I felt so guilty that I threw up twice and ended up confessing to what I had done three hours later. I broke it off with him, actually ended up casually dating the girl he cheated on me with for a while, and later ended up dating my current boyfriend.

 

It was wrong of me to cheat. I still feel horrible about it, but I do rationalize my actions in a way. It is very difficult to leave an abusive relationship, especially if you still care about your abuser, and cheating enabled me to leave him when I couldn't do it on my own. I would rather be a cheater than have let him escalate to the point where he seriously injured or even killed me.

Edited April 11, 2013 by threelaurels

[angie2443]

I don't believe most people enter a relationship with intentions of cheating or in the back of their minds are thinking "Hey, now I've got a girlfriend/boyfriend, I'm gonna go cheat on her/him" That would be pretty f'ing sick and twisted.

 

I don't think most people who cheat have that mindset, but I've known plenty of men and women in my life who've had the idea that once they've secured a husband/wife, they'd still have fun with an extra on the side. I know it's not the norm, but I think it happens more than most people might think.