ladiebug213 Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Hey everyone, I'll try to make this post as short and sweet as possible, as I'm new here, but I could really use some advice on my situation if anyone can offer their 2 cents. There's this guy that I've been seeing/dating for the past month or so. (we'll call him joe). We're both 23, I met him through one of my very best guy friends (who lives with him now, has been friends with him since they were young). Coincidentally, I used to date my best guy friend for a little while, but we realized we were better off being friends, and are now closer than ever. When I first met "Joe", I was instantly intrigued and had a huge crush on him. Him and my best friend (I'll call him Mike) and their two other guy friends ended up moving to the city and now live 2 blocks from me and our other friends. I started hanging out over at their place all the time and I can honestly say, I fit in like one of the guys. And they always tell me that, that they're so glad they have a chill girl to hang out with. Well, me and joe hooked up one night after we all went out together, and after that, things started to progress. We started emailing every day during work and would hang out at their place maybe 1-2 times a week and I would stay over with him at least one night every weekend. I still do, and maybe see him once or twice during the week. We have yet to go out on an official "date", but from the looks of things, you would think we were together when we are together. He's made mention here and there to going to certain places, but never seems to make a plan. He's somewhat of a stoner, along with his other friends, so I get the feeling that sometimes he's too lazy to make plans and would rather things just come to him....Its frustrating, cause sometimes I really want him to invite me over to hang out, and I'll be on the phone with mike and mike's like, oh, joe's sitting right here next to me, I think we're just gonna go watch a movie with our neighbors upstairs....and I'm like, ok....have fun. But this past weekend, a whole group of us went away for the weekend to our friends cottage and we pretty much acted like we were a couple the entire time, cuddling together on the couch, sharing the same room, etc. My best friend Mike even said how cute we were together and how we were a "good couple, not an annoying one", but one who can hang out with everyone and who are obviously friends too. My other guy friend was telling me how obvious it was that joe was into me, especially how he looked and me....and everyone keeps telling me how its so obvious that he likes me a lot. I guess I can just never tell, and for me, actions speak a lot louder than words. I have no doubt in my mind that he likes me, just from stuff he says in emails, and how he notices little things about me. How he really pays attention to me when we're together. We get along GREAT and I can honestly say I haven't had as good of chemistry with someone before, in the sack and out. We always have so much to talk about, and jsut seem to "click". He's not one to really show emotion though or say what he's feeling and doesn't say a lot of mushy stuff, that's just the guy he is. I just have doubts as to where this is going, if anywhere. Of course I know its only been a month and its a good idea to take things slow and just see where things go- maybe he's the kind of guy who will eventually want to commmit and just needs time to feel comfortable and stuff.....but my only fear is, is that he hasn't made much of an effort to progress things along more. I haven't talked to him on the phone since this past weekend- we emailed back and forth these past 2 days during work, but he hasn't made any mention of trying to hang out this week or anything. This is how it usually goes too, I'll email him, he'll always respond, but he rarely takes the initiative to make plans, or even make a date for that matter. Its too early for us to have a "talk" too, and I would hate to scare him off.... But I'm getting frustrated, especially since I do not want to be the one to always call him or see what his plans are for the weekend, etc. Should I just back off some and not respond to his emails for once? But then again, I don't want to play games and I really really like him and can see things going somewhere for us. Its also frustrating, b/c I'm friends with all of his friends and would generally always end up hanging out over there on the weekends, and maybe a week night. Oh yeah, another thing is, mike was telling me how he isn't one to "date casusally" and has had a few serious relationships in the past. He was telling me how joe is the kind of guy who when he starts dating someone, it get serious pretty quickly, but not in the bad, intense way. In a good way, as in he begins a really good friendship right off the bat- which is what I'm pretty sure we're doing....but I just can't be sure. I don't know, I may be overanalyzing things, and I just want an outsiders opinion on things. I really like this guy and don't wanna mess things up by calling, emailing him too much or calling too little. I HATE games. I just wish he would make more of an effort with us, b/c I know that he does have feelings for me......And it makes it all the more frustrating when I have mike saying, "so when can I start calling you joe's girlfriend"? (All of their friends have girlfriends too, so its not like joe would be the only one with....). My best girl friend is actually dating one of their other best guy friends- its like one big, dating circle Does anyone have any thoughts of what I should do, if anything? Or should I stop worrying and just see how things continue to go?
Girlie Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 From the sounds of it, like you said, this guy isn't about making plans. And since you described him as a stoner, that really doesn't surprise me. It sounds like he does like you. My only suggestion is that perhaps you need to take more of an initiative. Ask him out on a date, invite him over, etc. I know a lot of girls are more comfortable having the guy do all of these things, because it affirms that the guy likes them and stuff. But there are some guys who are just not going to make the first moves. Even if they do like you. If you like the guy enough, try making a few dates with him. See what the response is, and if he starts asking you out in return. Good luck and have fun!
ps123 Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Hi, it sounds like things are going ok from what I hear. His comment about not dating casually may have been his way of telling you hes not planning on dating other people. I guess Id just say to relax and be patient with things. I know its hard because Im in a similar situation. Weve been dating 6 weeks and things are progressing, but we still havent had "the talk" yet. Id give it a few more weeks and see how things are. More than likely, youll just get a feeling about where things are at by then. You might scare him off if you bring it up this soon. I almost scared mine off by bringing things up too soon, but luckily I sensed it and didnt persue the conversation. We're now to a point that I can kind of sense where things are at and I dont feel the need to have the "not dating other people" talk yet. Hang in there just a few more weeks.
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